of late i've been rather amused with the peanuts jokes. i think mrs goh chok tong should be a comedian. at the boom boom room. she should follow in the steps of what's his name.. kumar! o man for a while i was thinking karthik.. KARTHIK!!! i am so sorry karthik.. i have a lot of respect for you man.. not that i dont for kumar.. well.. but they're at completely different ends of a neverending pole. i dont really wanna talk about like.. politics and like nkf stuff here which is so old news..
this is what i think of politics in other parts of the world:
(insert a whole line of expletives with some words that actually make sense)
this is what i think of politics in singapore:
yep u're right. i dont. well ok that's not entirely true. i have a lot of opinions but things are boring bland just like the white shirts these guys always wear. i think i'll just leave it at that after that gp discussion we had that day.. i actually changed my mind a little it's amazing how much your opinions can differ when u really know the big picture.. so let's just say that.. there're more to that guy.. what's his name.. durai? is that it? i almost said dudek. crazy.
i visited manda's blog just now and saw a mention on kris.. but i didnt really think much about it til when i was on friendster just now.. i saw her name on my list.. and i clicked it.. i think this is the first time since the funeral that i have really come to the realisation that kris is no longer here with us. wow. i do feel a tinge of sadness suddenly.. but weirdly a sense of peace too. i remember when i first got the msg from line. it was just so sudden. and i was so stunned. i couldnt believe it. and later cat called and things were just in a blur. it just didnt really register at all. and i thought i had the inability to feel anymore. until the second day of the wake. suddenly i just started crying crazily and for an extremely long time. i thought maybe i was just letting out a lot of unhappiness at a lot of things which had happened and were happening in my life but i think a lot of that had to do with the realisation that this person whom i had known since primary 2 wasnt here anymore. this person whom i'd gone overseas thrice with and shared so many amazing experiences with, this person who got all my stupid stupid jokes coz she just knew how damn retarded i was and we would talk endlessly about spotting sharks and fish outside our bus windows, this person whom i always looked out for coz she was so damn nice and i didnt want her to get 'taken advantage' off by others or so to speak, this person whom i really loved and treasured dearly as a friend. suddenly. just gone. if i do have any regrets.. i would be i felt i was hardly a friend to her in the last 2 years of her life. i did want to help her.. in anyway.. and be a friend.. and i was for a while.. but after a while everything just kinda faded off. one reason would be that everyone just got caught up in their lives and from time to time.. we would ask about her.. but nothing really more.. and esp after we went to jc.. kris was better then so she did go but we went separate ways. sometimes i would chat with her on line or msg her.. but things were already so different then. she just seemed in a way a different person. i wish i could have been more of a friend.. and im ashamed that i wasnt. but i think i was just worried that being a friend would only put more pressure on her. i thought maybe she would rather be left alone. how stupid. but even so.. even now.. i still think that she had who she needed around her during that period. and im just glad. when i went to her wake the first night her mum told me that kris had kept this bear with a verse that i'd given her from my old church the whole time from when she was diagnosed and she brought it everywhere with her whether she was at home.. or at the hospital and it'd just been with her every step of the way. it just made me feel so wow.. im glad i was able to do something for kris even if i wasnt there the entire time.. and i hope she never forgot me as a friend.. i used to have a hilarious pic of her and me in our guide unis at a pavement at switzerland but i gave it to her.. so i cant put it here.. but.. wow. really amazing memories. i'll talk about that another time. they were the best times of my life which i shared with the most amazing people. in a way i cannot believe that this girl who i've known for so long really isnt here anymore.. if we ever used to discuss about our future.. it still holds for me.. but no longer for her. i dont know how that sounds, but yea it is true. but during the last 2 years of her life the Lord really really blessed her with an amazing companion for the rest of the way and i think he really showed his love for her and think.. in a way.. she became a new person. even though she was sick she was renewed in the Lord. when i went to the wakes i realise that the kristin i knew was not really there anymore. here she had been replaced by a person who was even stronger.. and just had complete faith in the Lord. in a way, i felt like i did not know her anymore.. but im really glad that things turned out the way they did.. and that she was loved every step of the way. i can never forget this girl. and i just pray that her family grows stronger with each day.
i remember when we took this pic.. kris and i were feeling quite annoyed and embarrassed that we were being photographed even while brushing our teeth in the morning. but.. i'll just file that into another one of those great memories..
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