Thursday, May 31, 2007

apologies

theres nothing more that can be said.

too many apologies have been made.
but it's all useless.
it means zilch if there was even a need for it in the first place.

maybe ill be back when there's difference.
i dont know.

an interesting 3 days... which i shall not talk about here.
it's gonna be a whole different ballgame
we'll see.

Thursday, May 24, 2007

.

lameass mediacorp chinese shows always have those scenes where this person who's upset or pissed goes to the sea or railway tracks or some shit with his/her best friend and the idiot asks him/her to yell out really loud.. shout his/her head off to vent whatever crap.
and the person goes... zhen de. ke yi ma. or some crap like that.
and 'best' friend goes. ke yi. ni shi yi shi! again. some crap like that.

so the person gives out this freaking pathetic yelp.
like ahhhh.. especially if its a frail female. and she says wow. shu fu duo le. or something. and gives best friend a hug. or falls into her best friend's arms to cry.

but anyway the point is. although this scene will always remain lame beyond doubt
i feel like shouting out damn loudly now.
just a gut feeling.
which i can only release in short, intermittent 'rarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr' or 'arghhhhhhhhhhhhhs' in sparing a thought for neighbors.
so yeah. maybe those chinese shows are not so lameass after all.
maybe they do have a point.

take it.
dead.
really.
gone.

i could ahhhhhhhhh here. but have realised virtual ahhs dont work. they serve a very much different purpose. soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. type type type. distraction you know. distract. distract distract. for what? procrastination. self-defence. but yet it has a very damn bloody tragic stupid irony.

SHIT.

shearer 'holiday'

stop - 00:28

dead.

Monday, May 21, 2007

this title shit is pissing me off

you know someone who appears charismatic...
somehow has these special qualities..
and although there are negative attributes as well
you somehow overlook them
coz they dont really show themselves usually
or to other more unfamiliar people
makes one think that person is something special.. different

even if person does screws up.
over and over again.
somehow you think person can still make a name for him/herself
not susceptible to all this shit that mere mortals fall victim to
because person has the ability, charm.. street smarts needed to thrive
these are more valuable than all other more 'down to earth' qualities.
are they not.

but there comes a day...
when you realise that that really might not be the case..
and that charisma kinda turns into some disillusionment.
pure disillusion.
and you question yourself. whether your judgment now is right.
whether it can stand as a worthy competitor to those street smarts
but really when such selfishness appears coupled with pure idealism...
there really is not much competition between the two anymore.
especially when it concerns the wellbeing of others.

now what's left behind is a great deal of disappointment.
but probably... more anxiousness
but i guess... everyone has to learn their own lessons.

i might be wrong.
and i really hope i am.

Sunday, May 20, 2007

.

on a really random note...
it seems that the knives just dont stop.. flying.
one after another.

and you realise that it really isnt a matter of..
what the knives are
but perspective
the substance of the skin or deeper maybe.

but a leopard just cant change its spots man.
it's true true true.
very painful spots.

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
the bitter taste of bitterness
but there's something else more piercing in this shitty concoction.
is that how you spell it? think so. just typing it out...
looks like a freaking weird word... con-coc-tion...
sigh.

AH. STOP IT. ARGHHHH.

gah

wont be online much.. or at all.
will be contactable by hp.. just got it back.
(:

Thursday, May 17, 2007

colbert

hilarious clip from the colbert report.
really. check it out. 6 mins of your life.

Wednesday, May 16, 2007

home

yes... im home.
touched down at 120 am early on tuesday morn.

and. i am going back in on 28 may...
but im not sure how much time i have before that
coz.. the period between is gonna be a huge test. but anyways.

my phone is in the samsung shop now... stuck in repairs..
will be getting it back soon though.. and start contacting people then.

so.. i guess that's all i can say for now.
dont know why people complain about how hot it is upon coming back to sg though.
i dont feel a difference. maybe slightly. slightly. more humid.
but that's it.
well. it must really be the urge to complain then and point out a difference.

and i think jetlag is quite a bullshit concept.
as it stands the plane screws you up enough that it automatically adjusts your bodyclock to wherever you're going.

haa. for some reason i sound so bitter. but i am not!
stuck in my own world for a bit.

Saturday, May 12, 2007

6.5

6 and a half hours.
just to pack up everything ready to move out tomorrow.
mann.
tired.

HATE flying.

Thursday, May 10, 2007

bs

i can bullshit all right.
but how the heck am i going to bullshit a paper on terrorism for honors
in a single day
and to a professor who has a significant amount of intelligence with a phd in political science

dead.
dead.
dead.

Wednesday, May 09, 2007

abcdefg

i think the chinese language is a very beautiful language actually.
just been given a bad rep in sg... due to some negative conotations.

trying to plan some ambitious study abroads.. which need a shitload of things to go my way...
and some very generous people...
hope it works out.

hmm. so...
always wash your feet. not just letting it be splashed with water during a shower.
like use freaking soap and scrub. scrub hard.
very. very important.
sigh.

cant stop playing this song. over and over again.
the song used in singapore dreaming.
when i first watched the film... thought it sounded familiar
and it's just.. it just provides a perfect backdrop.
it's called bong chun hong... translated as pinning for the spring breeze.
one would think that these oldies would usually only have an effect on the older generation...
but no. for some reason. it kinda just reaches... into you. very touching.

friends we have to watch this together all right.
i think people can say what they want about our film industry...
been doing research for my paper... and read an online article with nothing but criticisms.
which kinda pissed me off.
really what's the point.
from where i stand... i see a lot of hope.
although admittedly... i hardly know anything.

-----------------------------------
was looking at something... which then reminded me of something.
my sis started had this small craze some time back...
checking out things to buy online.
clothes specifically...
so she ordered these 2 things... which looked good
and my mum brought her to collect..
sold by these girls
so my sis went forward to get them
and they gave them to her. collected money.
were laughing or something. and left immediately

my sis opened up and checked.
the clothes looked nothing like they did online
and were freaking old and obviously worn before.
bloody IDIOTS.
when my mum told me bout this just totally pissed me off.
shit. if only i was there.
would have dealt with this bunch of jokers. very suitably.
if you dare to touch my family... cheat them.. whatever.
you're screwed.
immediately.
bloody jokers....

Tuesday, May 08, 2007

yes!!!

YES!!! ANOTHER QUIZ!!!!!!!
hahaaa... i am so damn tired. almost died today.
but damn. these boliao things.
are like energizer batts.

You.
Can.
Only.
Type.
One.
Word.

Not as easy as you might think.

1. Where is your cell phone?
:: dunno

2. Your boyfriend/girlfriend?
:: non-existant

3. Your hair?
:: annoying...

4. your mother?
:: msn

5. Your father?
:: working

6. Your favorite thing?
:: companionship

7. Your dream last night?
:: scary

8. Your favorite drink?
:: water

9. Your dream car?
:: jeep

10. The room you're in?
:: dorm

11. Your sister?
:: dunno

12. Your fear/s?
:: failure (at this moment)

13. What do you want to be in 10 years?
:: soldier

14. Who did you hang out with last
night?
:: haekyung

15. What you're not good at?
:: lying

16. What/who do you hate?
:: nobody (5 years ago i would have said becks.)

17. One of your wish list items?
:: contentment

19. The last thing you did?
:: chat

20. What are you wearing?
:: clothes

21. what aren't you wearing?
:: footwear

22. Your pet?
:: none

23. Your computer?
:: ibook

24. Your life?
:: heh

25. Your mood?
:: spaced-out

26. Missing?
:: home

27. What are you thinking about right
now?
:: papers

28. Your work?
:: hmm...

29. Your summer?
:: scary...

30. Your relationship status?
:: NA

31. Your favorite?
:: friends

32. When is the last time you laughed?
:: yesterday

33. Last time you cried hard?
:: secret

DONE :D

Monday, May 07, 2007

and run away together...



I read a note my grandma wrote back in nineteen twenty-three.
Grandpa kept it in his coat, and he showed it once to me. he said,
"boy, you might not understand, but a long, long time ago,
Grandma's daddy didn't like me none, but i loved your grandma so."

We had this crazy plan to meet and run away together.
Get married in the first town we came to, and live forever.
But nailed to the tree where we were supposed to meet, instead
Of her, i found this letter, and this is what it said:

If you get there before i do, don't give up on me.
I'll meet you when my chores are through;
I don't know how long i'll be.
But i'm not gonna let you down, darling wait and see.
And between now and then, till i see you again,
I'll be loving you. love, me.

- collin raye

such an... overplayed. cliche song.
haa... but o man. what.. horribly embarrassing.. but ultimately
sweet memories it brings back.

cant sit through a full loop of "jj"
it's too painful.

---------------------------

ahhhhhhhhhhhh.
cant start studying!!!
have so much to do... and im sure once i start depressing thoughts will start rushing back in...
BUT. weird enough. in a super happy and like.. aroused mood now. hahaaahahaa even though my eyes are half closed.
thanks to a conversation. (:

reading all this psych stuff... has been killing my brain
and i seriously cant recall a single thing from 2 days ago...
but. it's really interesting... and... it's kinda been making me reflect
a lot on myself. and people. and the whole year..
and really. how you... choose to see things kinda has so much impact on... your emotional well-being.
there're a lot of adjustments that can be made.

o man so tired. tired. tired.
but yet. happy happy happy.
crazy year.
crazy year.
it's been an experience for sure (:

hazel! i chose "zoo" coz we always talkd about going there and it just reminded me of you!
hahaaa yes you are not like most socially-conventional friend... but very fun indeed (:

if they're gonna laugh... laugh.
talk... talk.
i just thank God for all the shit man... it's been a blast
the number of challenges shoved into my face
so... just bring it on. really. now. when i go back.
im dying to go home... it's been a year...
yeah. that doesn count. it has been a year...
and yet a zillion things scare the shit out of me.
but... it will be good.

you can take whatever shortcuts you want.
to achieve something
and delight in that invincibility for a moment or two.
but at the end of the day...
it really isnt yours for keeping
and it wont be.. until it's done in the right way.
right?

indeed.

Sunday, May 06, 2007

psychodynamic theory

reading about freud's very sexualized perceptions of psychodynamic theories in regards to personalities at freaking 3 am in the morning. so. quiz time. love these things. great stress relievers






Your Dating Style:
Committed Relationship


You are all about being in a committed long term relationship. You are all about the love and security that it brings.





'What is your dating style?' at QuizGalaxy.com













YOUR REPORT CARD:
CategoryGrade
LoveC
Friends and FamilyA
BodyA+
MindC
Finance / CareerA+
Your Life's Average Grade:   A
'What is your Life Grade?' at QuizGalaxy.com



so apparently there are serious problems with my intelligence.












Your Social Dysfunction:
Normal



Being average in terms of how social you are, as well as the amount of self-esteem you have, you're pretty much normal. Good on you.
















Take this quiz at QuizGalaxy.com


Please note that we aren't, nor do we claim to be, psychologists. This quiz is for fun and entertainment only. Try not to freak out about your results.



marvellous

Health is most important in your life.



Having a high focus on health indicates that you are very health-conscious and you realize that if you don't have your health, you have nothing. You are devoted to living healthy.


Life Piechart - QuizGalaxy.com

Take this quiz at QuizGalaxy.com


apparently the quiz cant count top 3...
and... it's not health. for sure. far from healthy here...
family and career.. tough choice.. but there really isnt anything more important than bloodties. is there.














All-Around Smart


You are all-around smart. Essentially, that means that you are a good combination of your own knowledge and experience, along with having learned through instruction - and you are equally as good with theoretical things as you are with real-world, applied things. You have a well-rounded brain.


20% applied intelligence
20% natural intelligence
















Take this quiz at QuizGalaxy.com


The Picto-Personality Test




You are a person who likes to have fun all the time.

When alone, you are introspective. You constantly reflect on your life and the world.

You are intelligent. You use your time to its fullest potential and will go very far in life.

In the future you will be wise and healthy.

Take this Test at QuizGalaxy.com


wow. this quiz is damn nice to me.
























What do you subconsciously think of your friends?
Friend's NameWord AssociationMeaning
DarylBatMysterious, Intelligent, Enigma. This person is hugely alluring to you.
ZhenBellSomeone whom you feel may be dangerous to let into your heart.
DaniellePearlBeautiful and real - you have a lot of respect for this person.
MelLanternThe person who sees you for you.
SarahWigYou believe this person to be totally insane. (And they SO are!)
HazelZooThe least socially-conventional person that you know. (And, consequently, the most fun.)

'What do you subconsciously think of your friends?'
at
QuizGalaxy.com


zhen i cant let you into my heart!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
and daryl.. ok. mysterious, intelligent.. probably. hugely alluring to me.. haaaaa. nononoooooooo.
other than that.. heh. quite accurate. sarah is nuts for sure.


yay ended with my favourite! and...
shit. no more. ok. back to oedipus complex.

Friday, May 04, 2007

crap.

ok i didnt wanna start studying. so i did another one. now i have to start. sometimes you really do wanna give yourself one tight slap. like now.

TELL ME ABOUT YOURSELF - The Survey
Name:twl
Birthday:20 nov 1987
Birthplace:singapore
Current Location:champaign-urbana, illinois
Eye Color:black
Hair Color:black
Height:158 cm. i admit it.
Right Handed or Left Handed:right
Your Heritage:chinese
The Shoes You Wore Today:slippers
Your Weakness:PROCASTINATION LIKE NOW!!!!!!!!!!!! and... an inability to express myself. actually. i can think of a million weaknesses. but... there's no time. but. i have to say. there's... a bigass confidence issue going on.
Your Fears:honestly. that the people i l--- will die. yes. in accordance with my weakness above. i am unable to say the L word in this context. it makes me feel squirmish and uncomfortable. and... doing badly in my career. letting people down.
Your Perfect Pizza:hawaiian. but seriously ive had enough of this crap.
Goal You Would Like To Achieve This Year:confidence. and... something else.
Your Most Overused Phrase On an instant messenger:probably something along the lines of "hahaaaahaaa" and any phrase ending with "man". as in the expression. not species.
Thoughts First Waking Up:this question is too painful to answer. avoidance. next.
Your Best Physical Feature:in all honesty. i dont think i have any. everything is very average. NEXT.
Your Bedtime:sigh. very late. next.
Your Most Missed Memory:i think would be times in mg... fooling around for freaking 10 years... with the same same old people...
Pepsi or Coke:coke
MacDonalds or Burger King:they both make me feel like puking. but i would say. macs.
Single or Group Dates:honestly.. the thought of both scare the shit out of me. and i think group would be more awkward. next.
Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea:neither
Chocolate or Vanilla:chocolate
Cappuccino or Coffee:cappuccino
Do you Smoke:no. never will.
Do you Swear:sigh. yes. but only shit.
Do you Sing:hahaaaa. NO COMMENT.
Do you Shower Daily:HAHAAAAHAHAAA. no comment either.
Have you Been in Love:i still am. with newcastle. very deeply.
Do you want to go to College:i am in freaking college now.
Do you want to get Married:i thought yes... but now... i dont know. see how things go...
Do you belive in yourself:i hesitate. but.. no.
Do you get Motion Sickness
Do you think you are Attractive:no
Are you a Health Freak:no
Do you get along with your Parents:yes
Do you like Thunderstorms:at night yes
Do you play an Instrument:kinda
In the past month have you Drank Alcohol:no
In the past month have you Smoked:no
In the past month have you been on Drugs:no
In the past month have you gone on a Date:no
In the past month have you gone to a Mall:no
In the past month have you eaten a box of Oreos:no
In the past month have you eaten Sushi:no
In the past month have you been on Stage:no
In the past month have you been Dumped:no
In the past month have you gone Skinny Dipping:no
In the past month have you Stolen Anything:no
Ever been Drunk:no
Ever been called a Tease:no
Ever been Beaten up:no
Ever Shoplifted:no
How do you want to Die:stupid question
What do you want to be when you Grow Up:cant answer this adequately
What country would you most like to Visit:cambodia and vietnam
In a Boy/Girl..
Favourite Eye Color:-
Favourite Hair Color:natural color
Short or Long Hair:short
Height:-
Weight:-
Best Clothing Style:casual
Number of Drugs I have taken:0
Number of CDs I own:dunno
Number of Piercings:5
Number of Tattoos:0
Number of things in my Past I Regret:uncountable. but i think about it sometimes.. and i guess at the end of the day... it's not really regrets. you know.

CREATE YOUR OWN! - or - GET PAID TO TAKE SURVEYS!

shit. when i finish typing this title i have to start work.

ok. i swear. i am going to start work after this.
day wasted away coz of some crap. i have no idea how the heck im going to cram everything in. i mean studying.. is one thing. its damn crammable. writing is a completely different thing.
no time? study less.
write. no time. you cant write less. you cant research less and hand up a shit paper.
no way.
ok anyways. yes i am just trying to not start studying. coz im to scared to.
so i am going to do this quiz that hazel did.
damn pissed. freaking dvd i ordered for my research from amazon.
was thinking why the heck it was so expensive. but no choice. just ordered.
my mum told me yesterday that they received a package for me.
shit. sent to the wrong address.
am i an idiot or WHAT. screwed. anyways.
boliao quiz alert.
------------------------------------------------------------------

Top 2 things found in your wallet as
always:
ehh... prob ic and debit card

Top 2 things to do when i'm sad:
stupidly think more about it
or do some thing distracting. like watching youtube. or sleep.

Top 2 songs you can listen to again and again:
impossible. i listen fr sure. but not particularly musically inclined.
wait. maybe.. love me by colin raye. brings back good and bad memories of a very special kind. hahaa. NO. nothing to do with the content...

Top 2 reasons to watch television:
distraction from... whatever. for that one hour. you and your life cease to exist.
brainless entertainment

Top 2 places I'd want to visit 10 yrs from now:
i dont know...

Top 2 current obsessions:
worrying. and more worrying.

Top 2 favorite nicknames:
rubbish leg.
jaundice.
i think they were coined by the same person. brings back a ----load of memories

Top 2 favorite food:
o man. honestly. homecooked food. anything.
nothing. nothing. can beat that.
i want to go home.

Top 2 favorite snacks:
ice kachang? haa. i dont know.
ill devour anything you give me.

Top 2 favorite website:
hmmm... i dont know. i really dont surf much...
i guess i would say... rather pathetically.. maybe msn. it's my homepage and usually where i read about what's going on in the world...
and maybe friendster. hahaaaaha. dont surf there much either. unless im bored. but... for some reason it brings back memories. and. that's the only way i can see friends... kinda.

Top 2 favorite things to do:
i dont know you know. i think.. i love to... do things which... stimulate me intellectually. and let me find out more about the world. as ignorant as that sentence sounds. sometimes. but it can.... get quite sickening sometimes...
friends. i want to hang out with people at home again. but... yeah. there does exist a but.
the end.

Top 2 favorite places:
singapore. hahaa. anywhere which brings back memories... places like mg. or maybe not so much mg now. that place has changed so much. and taken my feelings along with it. haa. i would say... camp christine. that place holds a trillion memories for me.
and my favourite place here... i dont know. we'll see.
and. interlaken in switzerland. it's the most... beautiful place ever.
mmm.. s----- wing? HAHAAAA. MAN. i dont know. but... that's a place that'll always remain... special to me. for sure.

Top 2 things i can't wait to happen:
hahaaaaa for now. the end of finals. shit there's no way im gonna pass this hurdle for sure.
and after that... i dont know. satisfaction and happiness... you know. hahaa.

Top 2 places where I love to shop:
i hate to shop.
but if anywhere. yeah borders.
o yeah and ten thousand villages. one of the coolest stores EVER.
heh. and maybe ikea. when it's not crowded.

Top 2 movies I could watch over and over?
dead poets society
and... for now maybe singapore dreaming. ive watched it a million times. for "research purposes". it's... a really good film.

Top 2 things I'd like to get for Christmas:
the happiness and warmth... of companionship. no not THAT kind. i say... bullshit to that.
just. to be with friends.

-------------------------
dammit why is the quiz so short....
I HAVE TO START NOW!!!!!
and.
wow. what horribly bland answers.