Monday, September 18, 2006

i just wanted to blog.

i have something to say which i CANT say.. hahahaa just that o man. i am sooooooooo normal... soooooo normal its embarrassing...

and i wanna do something in dec something in dec!!!

God.. i really really need u to help me tide over.. the the next.. 48 hours... please. thank you. thank you. thank you.

ahhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!

Friday, September 15, 2006

yesterday when i walked past the quad.. which is this huge grass patch thing which looks much grander online than in real life but that is not the point... it was in the evening.. quite quiet.. and i walked past these two people sitting at the side.. and i heard one of them saying to the other.. the lamb of God... something something something... and i was like.. wow ok. that kinda made my evening in a way coz i was having quite a crappy day...

and today when i was walking past the quad... i saw a gathering of maybe.. 40 people? or 50? in the middle.. and there was this poster there... and so i looked and the poster said... "satan says.." in bold and i dunno there were like words underneath.

-_-

i really am in the states man.

Thursday, September 14, 2006

some NARROW MINDED CHILDISH FOOL has his nic on msn as singapore, F*** singapore...

what a FOOL is all i can say.

i dont update here much.. coz.. i dunno.. if i speak to friends i wanna speak like more one on one than in such a public announcement place..

and well.. the reason why im so pissed with that is because.. after coming here.. i realise what a great country singapore is. honest. last night saf sent an email.. about restrictions on blogging and things like that.. which i've always erm... put on myself.. internally.. which is why i dont really say so much about the saf and training.. in fact i dont at all :S until ike.. occasionally.. coz it really doesnt matter what much to let hte world know...

but.. i had a bit of a panic attack last night.. honestly.. i have been feeling.. kinda.. lonely really.. and homesick. u never realise.. how good u've got it.. until u lose what u once had. it's not to say that life here is bad. but i think people.. hold studying overseas in such high esteem.. like o it's so cool and it's so fun.. and definitely it's a great experience if u treasure it.. but u realise it is really just life that goes on.. and i miss what i had at home.

im not sure whether i'll be able to come home in the summer for some reasons. and i cannt imagine 2 years away from singapore. i'm tell u now - i love my country. and if u're there and u dont treasure what u have.. then u're a complete idiot really.

there have been quite a lot of things i've been dealing with here.. which im sure my friends have all been too back in sg.. but i know i would deal better in an environment of comfort and familiarity.. but hey isnt that what studying overseas is about? to put urself out there.. expose urself.. and i guess.. in these 4 years u'll discover a lot of your weaknesses.. but if u make that effort.. ur strengths too..

before i left sg we had this pre departure thing and the guy said th initial period overseas.. u'll be depressed.. than u'll be like high morale again.. maybe.. maybe not..

all i can say is.. i am busy/stressed/missing home.. but also.. i am grateful for the chance to do things here.. and trying to take opportunity of that. i guess everyone expects.. their friends who go overseas to report back what a wonderful time they're having and people at hoem will be like.. u're so lucky.. and i used to think that way.. but i realise it's not true at all... and i dont care if it makes me sound pathetic or a loser or whatever, coz im just being honest. basically it's just life that goes on, in a new place, a foreign envronment.

but i'll just try to turn things around when they're back.. and somhow.. u know.. just build my character or something. sounds so lame but it's true..

so not going into specific boring struggles of my life... i am doing good. i am doing good because i am alive.. and how many people can say that? yea i know.. like a few billion.. how many people are there in the world...

so anyways thanks for leaving msgs on my tagboard.. i miss all of u.

Tuesday, September 05, 2006

hey friends go and dl http://www.skype.com/download/skype/macosx/videopreview.html !!! then we can talk!! for free!!!!

o my gosh i've been having such a bad day. this has been saving grace. i heard hazel's voice. and i am very happy now. even though i have a crap test tomorrow and there's no way i can sleep tonight.

good day everybody.
suddenly..

im missingg.. people.. a lot..

i miss the complete complete ease of conversations..
of talking to people who really know u.. and who truly truly care..

if u're reading this.. and u know u're someone i like.. hahaa.. u are missed.

Monday, September 04, 2006

it's 403 now.. and i just cant and dont feel like sleeping... which i need to coz..

(1) i need to get up early to ...
(2) i have too toooo many things to do tmr to feel tired.. sigh..

and so i ended up here... and.. there are some things i feel like feeling.. haa...

i feel that.. humans are always just.. gonna disappoint u.. no matter what.. and it's those few that dont.. that you know are your.. well.. 'soul mates' kinda.. in not such a serious use of the word...

i feel like.. i can never ever show outwardly concern towards anyone.. coz i am just such an awkward person.. and hardhearted.. not in the sense i dont care.. coz i know that im a big fat marshmallow.. and i care about a lot of things more than my buay song face will betray.. but.. i just know that.. yea.. some things are unneeded.. i mean.. yea. i dont know how to express myself on this one.

sigh. ok. that's all. one more thing i came online and the first thing i saw was steve irwin killed by a stingray. o my goodness.. so so so so shocking really.. i actually let out an audible gasp... which i never do.. i cant believe it he was too young.. too capable.. too talented.. it's a sad day in aus indeed..

my room mate just came back.. time to sleep.. goodnight

Saturday, September 02, 2006

i finally decided to post.. coz it's 520 am in the morning and i have 'time'...

anyways.. i dont wanna say too much just wanna say a few things.. i dunno who still comes here. and things like that.. but thank u really.. to everyone who.. means something to me.. which most prob must mean u.. unless u are ________ ... or ________ or _________... yea that should be it.. actually on second thought... _________ too...

nah just kidding. but actually like.. 1%.. not really...

but anyways.. i always feel like things are impossible to describe.. unless u're experiencing it urself.. and as much as we are interested in each other's life.. we are not exatly interested in all the complete blow by blow accounts.. so i am not gonna bullshit so much here.. but just.. im slowly adjusting to things here.. i wont say it's omg this place is freaking amazing.. or it sucks like hell get me out of this hellhole.. but it's just a new reality that i prob need to get used to.. and... i want to make the best out of this reality.. which will take time.. but i will get there.

so other than that.. i am still alive. and no massive ground breaking news has happened yet other than i tested positive for TB. yes u heard me right. i have freaking tb germs in my body. i dont know why. but apparently it's quite common. i dont have the disease ok. just carrying a nice erm.. what's that word.. that u use on inactive volcanos.. ok it's 525 and im not really thinking so i[l just say inactive germs.. and they'll stay that way with some medicine here. seriously it's no big deal. i was just talking about life and death so i touched on that.

anyways to the people i care about.. i still do. a lot. thank you.. for sending me off.. for yue-ing me out.. for the conversations.. for the concern.. for the effort.. really just thanks for ur friendship man. i am not one of those idiots who has become so damn like.. encapsulated in my own world and thrown the world of yesterday behind.. i dont know whetherh people will become like that.. but.. i dunno.. i accept this as my reality now.. but this reality includes everything that i have back home. i wont let myself be completely absorbed by my own stupid life man.

anyways everyone i know i love... take care man! i am thinking of u... we'll meet very soon (:(:(:(: