get a hold..
get it clear..
clear about things which are just totally ridiculous and will never be!

it's quite hilarious it really is..
yet quite sad
even though it's nothing
but really. sigh.

let the mind speak more on this one

im crazy im crazeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
more on that later... (:

im just feeling.. damn jaded now. it's funny how things can change so fast within a week. it's not that this week sucked. it was tiring but good in it's own ways. it's just for some damn stupid reasons. and arghhhhhhh... i hope.. results just come out and shove urself into my face, so i can really see.. some image of what my future might be like..

one thing that really pisses me off.. irony man.. when someone is being damn freaking ironical saying one thing.. but in fact doing another.. i dont understand why people cant see what the heck they really are like.. and just take away that arrogance.. that facade.. there's always a limit to my patience.. but i will hang in there.. i dont wanna say anything i regret.. and actually.. i know i wont. coz i have discovered.. that i am actually a rather nice person in that sense.. it just really isnt in my character to go search for stupid conflicts which are so damn un-needed.. and i really dont want to either.. so.. MOVING ON..

what a HORRIBLE start to this entry.. anyways. i cant believe it. but i was actually happy yesterday. yes happy. happy. happy. i am trying to let that word sink in.. i dont think a person can be fully happy.. maybe still a few things here and there.. but what the heck man.. booking out on sat and not fri was just.. damn good.. it gave me time to gather my thoughts.. relax.. and just enjoy the environment in all its.. peacefulness.. which is so uncommon.. and this week has been.. i realised that i cant use the word bad anymore. coz nothing really is bad. there's too much positives to take out from everything.. even if it sucked like hell or whatever.. i can only say that this week has been pretty interesting.. :) im glad it happened.. but im glad it's over.. hahaa

i have a few million thoughts.. which shall be posted in my head.. mmm so anyway on a completely unrelated topic.. some idiot in the newpaper yesterday dissed shearer.. albeit cautiously.. but he still did.. and i actually wasnt really pissed. coz im so used to it. sure.. he's not the crazy amazing player he used to be.. but he's just evolved into another sort of player.. and whatever he lacks in the skill and pace he used to have.. he more than makes up for it in his presence.. something which wont be around for much more :( he had two assists yesterday dammit!!!!! u dont always need to score a crapload of goals to prove ur worth.. although that would be damn good too..

i feel like.. and i know that a lot is expected of me.. it adds to my stress.. but freaking man. i discovered that i can be damn calm in the face of stress.. i have actually discovered something positive. it's amazing. but i am honoured.. that the expectation is high.. i just really dont wanna disappoint people.. and myself.. and i still dread so many things.. ok man.. i shall just try my hardest at everything...

am going to church soon.. and the pastor today.. many memories.. bad memories.. good memories are flooding back.. i hope today's sermon will speak to me.. sigh.. we'll see.. adios for another week..

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interesting.

today was very interesting.

this week has been.. testing at times.. quite sad at times.. damn good at times.. i think im growing. i hope i am. and i can actually reach that level where.. all these doubts just no longer destabilize me.. and i can actually be.. like.. really ding ding ding....