another day of sleeping.. and sleeping.. and sleeping.. and still it just seems to get worse. sigh. i think i must be suffering from lack-of-odac-room syndrome. during one of my long sleeps just now.. i dreamt bout the odac room. i dreamt that it was given a revamp. and it had aircon taken from one of the classrooms.. and it just looked damn freaking good. there was one table left.. a nice steady one.. everything was freaking neat no stuff at the side or whatever and there was even a damn nice mattress cum sort of bed on the floor.. hoho more on that later. the cubes were not cubes anymore! the whole room seemed expanded.. and the cubes were now like vertical instead or horizontal.. and there was like a lot or walking spaces between them - there were a few rows. and the atmosphere was just so damn good. and when i went there for the first time i was totally blown away.. and when i went to the cubes.. WHOA. there were super a lot of presents and letters in there. yea what a fantasy. and then the dream started getting damn weird. when i took them out there were a lot of sports bras. yea. and they had notes with quite kinky msgs on them. *shudder*. and then some people started putting the mattress to.. eh.. good use. i dont know coz i didnt look on anymore -_-. then i had to change into shorts and tees or something but there was really no where to 'hide' so i just went to the back and started changing. and a certain someone just walked in like nobody's business. freak. and there was some room beside our room which had this glass wall so we could see everything going on there. and suddenly all the girls just seemed in a state of being half dressed and the guys were all shirtless and then this guy started taking drugs in the opposite room and they were all yanked away by seet. and then i woke up i think. sigh. weird. and no it's not a sick fantasy. ive lost the plot. totally.

shouldnt have gone to school today. coz things were just.. not very good. for freak's sake the security guard almost reduced me to tears. haha. what a joke man. but he does seem like a really good guy. but was just feeling damn argh. sigh.. but dont really wanna go into that. i wanna go for countrywife.. i love countrywife.. but i dont think i will be.. damn this sucks. i was telling meixi something that day.. that there are these people around in school who i used to know and chat with and like.. get along well with and stuff. so it's like we'll say hi for a couple of times and smile and all.. but after that.. everyone just starts to ignore me. and not just stare at u blankly like i dont recognise you. but look u straight on.. a split second of horror. and then stare away immediately and walk past you like they're doing a march past but looking away and down instead of at you and up. even when i do smile or wave. i've stopped being a circus clown now. it's quite pissing. irritating. and ultimately sad. freakshit. i dont think i did anything wrong.. and when if im friendly with people i am genuinely nice ok. im not really anything what my face seems to suggest. i.e. some frankenstein shit. but.. i think i have done that a few times to some people too.. but it's not coz i hate u or anything man.. i am just really.. freakingly.. shy. esp if u're somebody i like as a person even though i dont know u that well.. there're two people that pop into my head suddenly.. one of them i saw today.. and did the exact same thing.. split second movement of the lips trying to create the illusion of a smile and then look away. the other.. i see around school occasionally. i was actually kinda 'intro'ed to this person (P) by a friend. so like a casual hi kinda thing.. and for a couple of times i saw P around i would say hi or at least smile. there was once i came back to school for something one day and i think P was literally the only person around in school left.. and i was in a super good mood that day so i let out a huge HELLO!! and i think P was quite taken aback but P did reply after P got over the shock. but since then.. it's been.. not sure where to look.. so look away. i dont know. haha and i'm prob the only one feeling this and P doesnt give a shit or even have any clue who this obviously siao person is. i find human interaction very weird.. and yet very interesting.. well i doubt either will read this and even if they do they prob wont know im talking about them.. so there. but if u happen to for some warped reason and think it's you.. leave a msg! haha. what a boring paragraph. maybe i am being overly sensitive.. but that's me man. so.. freaking take it or leave it. or just leave it man. sigh. cant really be bothered anymore.

i am right now breaking out into a cold sweat and officially have nothing more to say but my hands wont stop typing coz i feel like typing something but have no idea what to. think. think. think. haha. in you are unaware that is very dry laughter. i just opened msn.. and saw something which juz make me very sad for a second. i dont know why. hohoho. i think it's weird that when there's a person u like a lot. it doesnt matter which gender and im talking in an purely character sense and not anything else. things about them.. just affect you. i dont know. i feel like i've lost a.. treasured friend. well.. but i think person probably doesn even care coz there's just no need to. but friend seems really happy. and this may sound very cliche but i realise it is true. that another person's happiness is always the best thing.. and what ultimately makes you feel happy too. kinda ironic since i am slightly sad. but i am really really happy for person. and.. person! since i probably wont tell you this anymore.. i know whatever happens for you in the future and all will be fantastic. and im really glad for that :) i think i say this to my friends quite a lot.. again.. but i do really mean it. haha i think im just very insecure. and i hate people like that! who complain about it all the time! like me! but im not complaing.. im just saying.. saying.. haha. i have come to a realisation. there're a lot of things which i cannot stand about people.. and a lot of people who piss me off. but i think i've just realised that it's not them i dont like. it's me.

what a nice ending.