i have revamped my blog! maybe temporarily.. or.. permanently... i dont know.. what looks better? that guy or these pictures? (: anyways.. i've spent quite long doing this.. coz there's just simply no way i can do any work.. as i have for the past 2 days.. sigh. but let's not go there. or i'll just flop down here and die coz im so damn screwed. a few hours ago.. i was feeling this damn strong urge to just blog down my love for this amazing class which i've had the huge fortune of being a part of. however.. after a few hours have passed.. i dont know why.. i just feel a bit like.. a silly little girl. but i shall still do it anyway.. (:

ok. i have no idea what im gonna say.. or how much im gonna go into.. but.. let's just see how deep i can go.. without crossing the line which.. i think ive drawn for myself..
yesterday sometime in the afternoon at 2 something.. i was sitting right here typing out this horrible entry which i've since deleted. i was just feeling extremely extremely extremely downtrodden and disheartened.. for various reasons.. and i just felt like.. i think it's quite uncharacteristic of me to say this.. like i've just really given up on just everything. just.. given up literally. dee came on at night and i spent the entire time ranting at her. i am so sorry.. sigh. and after i was done typing that shitty entry.. i got msgs from dee and meixi bout what was going on in school.. and suddenly right there and then it hit me.. i felt like the most self-centred person the face of this earth. i tried going to my room.. to do something.. read a bit of plath.. but all i could do was just.. bash myself inwardly at the horrible person i was so convinced i was. i dont know how to explain it.. but when i skip school a lot and something goes on.. i mean i dont think really that my presence is like whoa. but i feel.. guilty towards my class in a way. and i felt exactly like that yesterday.. and that i really have let mr ho down. i just.. didnt know what to do.. and was at a complete loss lying there with all these thoughts that i really am the worst person ever. incapable. invalid. and the most terrible friend. sigh. somemore self centred thoughts. decided to just.. remove this blog.. coz it just made me feel.. so selfish and all.. and really pathetic. i spent the day being basically.. miserable.. and just trying to pass my time doing stupid stuff.. and keep my mind occupied.. it didnt help that i was getting bombarded with more comments.. from some place.. as if i dont put myself down enough. like thanks a lot man. but i was.. there was no way i was gonna miss.. our last day of so called 'formal education'... so this morning i just picked off that smile from somewhere on the ground and slapped it back on my face and made it to school. yeaaaaaa!

got to school pretty early.. and went to find danielle and sarah.. then we went to the spec's stand.. and talked about.. what we were supposed to the previous day.. and u know dee and sarah if u're reading this.. i think what did happen.. it's really in a way been a load off my mind. i feel like that anger in that part of my mind. has been lifted.. a little.. is fading.. i dont know.. but thanks anyways u guys.. for assuring me that i was right. haha so sarah was eating two blocks of triangular shaped candle wax which she offered to me and i rejected it obviously coz i accept nothing more than shit which tastes tremendously yummy.. esp if it floats.. i hope no one is eating now.. or shitting for that matter.. coz if ur shit sinks u'll feel so inadequate.. but anyways. then mel and zhen came down from the cross table.. and it was just so great seeing them.. even though i havent just only for a day.. haha.. and we were talking about what happened in class yesterday.. it really did make me a little sad that i wasnt there.. but more than that i was just really really happy.. that.. well.. everyone.. or most people.. feel so much about our class.. i mean.. this is singapore.. where people dont openly express their feelings.. and yet that all changed in an hour plus yesterday.. and they were telling me what everyone said.. did.. whatever.. and i dont really wanna name names.. but everything.. just really damn touching.. and that really just set the mood for the entire day.. which just really passed by in a blur.. o yea i must say something now. i hope mrs wee doesnt use the net -_-. but sometime after school macy and i saw her going back to the hod room.. and she looked up at us.. and i actually waved at her. i cant believe it. and she responded. mm. well. make whatever u want out of that.

soooooooo.. really the day just flew by... celebrating bing's birthday.. everything.. when we were talking bout the start of school and they were bringing back the initial thoughts they had that norman and i were together just coz we were sitting together on the first day of school and he looked like an ac guy. hahaha it just brought back so many memories.. i remember being the stupid person that i was.. i totally forgot what class i was.. and during the first 5 days of school i was already so damn disoriented. firstly. this was a co-ed school and i was still pretty freaked out after having been shut in a nunnery for 10 years. and i didnt exactly have the best orientation coz i was still.. extremely introverted at that point of time.. or my behaviour at least.. so i went from class to class and asked.. excuse me is this 04s23.. repeat a thousand times.. and finally i found us.. hurray! what i remember about then was.. i really was just.. scared. but i did say something to norman though. i think i said do you need a pen.. and he said yea so i gave him one and he said thanks. hahaa normz.. i thought u were typically damn dao la. but i think at that point in time i was the same.. so.. we're even man. ok if im gonna go on and on like that i'll never ever finish this entry.. so i shall stop being so long-winded and just speed along..

anyway. i cant even begin to say how much this class has done for me... even if of course they didnt like.. physically mean to.. coz in a way as much as i love my class.. i feel terrible saying this. but i feel quite.. out of it sometimes. most of the time actually when we do class stuff together.. i feel like a spectator on the border.. just looking on.. and feeling the love from where im standing.. but not being in it.. but i dont know.. i think that's just the mentality that i have.. but i still.. am just so glad for everyone.. and everything..
but of course. i shall begin now. haha. ok. when i left mg.. the last year of my mg life.. was just.. well.. very very very difficult due to some reasons which i definitely will not mention here. i left mg.. with a lot of negative feelings about people around me and this world. dont get me wrong. i love mg and my friends.. the 10 years i spent there was an amazing period of my life.. and my friends.. were just the best people. but i was.. very disillusioned when i left that place. i felt.. just very let down by everything.. extremely extremely insecure.. and my confidence was just really no where to be found.. i felt like everyone and everything was just so damn superficial.. and yea.. life just about sucked at that point.. i felt like i could not live out to all these superficial standards set around me. and i was just really.. i dont know. but i was determined to .. maybe.. change things when i got to jc.. to now i think i didnt really do that. turn my life around and be the best person i could be. but everyone who i've met.. has more than made up for what i could not accomplish here in veejay.
and these 2 years have been.. time has really really flown by.. and my class.. i think the most amazing thing is.. everyone single one of them has just transformed my view on the earth.. and its weird inhabitants called humans. i actually have come to believe again that love and hope does exist. haha that sounds so stupid but it's true! and the friends that i have made.. have just really made me see the beauty of friendship all over again. and even in a way.. i think maybe improved the relationships that i had with my mg friends... (: the friends that i've made here.. they just accept every single flaw.. and.. just really dont judge.. and.. i was very concious of many many things.. when i left mg.. but here.. i felt like nothing was based on anything superficial.. i have no idea how to explain it. dont get me wrong. vj was definitely full of many many ups and downs. not everyday was the happiest day on earth. but.. i think what happiness i got out of it.. just is so much more important than all the negatives and totally outweighs them.. and even if in my class.. there are quite a few people whom i am not v close to.. but i appreciate everyone. coz i've really never seen such a huge gathering of such special individuals before. as in seriously. it must have been fate that put us in a class. haha i sound so retarded huh. and it's not like the big things which happen the entire time.. it's just small gestures here and there.. like when zeya asked me quite a few times whether i was ok today.. he prob doesnt know this but it really meant a lot to me.. and when wei liang msgs me on rare occasions sometime spouting a shakespeare poem.. haha.. it just makes me feel that.. hey i may actually matter to somebody.. as much as they matter to me.. i could just write on more about everyone.. but i dont wanna do that here.. and in such a public area.. i shall save that for another place.. and time.. (: but today just flew by anyway.. it didnt even feel like school.. it felt so.. happy... but yet kinda sad..

today when i opened up the letter mr ho gave to each of us.. it said miss t--- w-- l----.. that's just so touching... miss t--- w-- l---. for once i really liked my name.. haha sigh.. ok well anyway. i was so damn stunned when i opened it. i mean.. i knew mr ho is just prob about the most incredible human being who i know exists.. but i didnt know he was like merlin or something.. and could forge everyone's handwritings. i mean i knew he knew us well.. but THAT well.. i was shocked. so i read on and i was like whoa whoa whoa.. how did he know me so damn well.. until 30 seconds in i realised.. it was the love letter that we wrote to ourselves for gp at the start of last year.. haha.. i have to be the biggest idiot in the world.. at the top i wrote.. dear weilynn.. the reader. and at the bottom when i signed off i wrote love, wei lynn.. the writer. i really am a bit dumb. but the thing is.. when i read it i was really shocked.. and quite a few people shared these opinions about their letters.. i sounded so full of hope.. i sounded so emotional. when i read it a lot of old feelings came flooding back.. i sounded so very.. passionate.. so much anger and confusion... but yet so much hope. i have changed.. i dont know for the better or the worse.. in a way.. i feel so much more.. fragile now. coz that immense anger i had at this world.. it is still there.. but some of it has been just removed.. and taken away over time.. coz i've just come to.. accept the realities of this world more.. not that i am conforming.. but.. i think we all need to accept.. sigh. i dont know. but yea. my classmates. all of us i think we've all changed. some a little.. some really a lot. and through these years i've just gotten to love each one of them more and more. it doesnt matter whatever flaws some of us may have.. coz they're all really so special. and so incredible. every single gesture.. i remember it completely. thanks guys.. for giving me so much attention everytime i make a presentation.. i remember pw and coz.. i really have lost the ability.. to be confident in front of people.. i was just screwing up so much and shafy was like.. weilynn relax.. we're all your friends.. haha.. not sure if she remembers that.. and my recent gp presentation.. thanks everyone for just listening.. (: everything which each person has done.. or said to me over these 2 years is still ringing in my head. all the msgs.. every small gesture.. i dont think anything i say will be able to express how grateful i feel.. and.. how much each and everyone of u has touched my life unknowingly.

when i came to vj i was very messed up. extremely. extremely. messed up. i still am on and off now. but.. the days that i am not.. it's thanks to the people in my life. and the days that i am.. the msgs that i get mean a lot to me.. o hurray mel just msged.. haha. it's so exciting! when u open up ur phone.. and see something from someone who means a lot to you.. i feel like i have a lot more to say.. but i am really very inadequate when it comes to expressing myself.. i would like to ask my classmates something here though.. whichever one of u is reading this.. please. u have to invite me to your wedding. hahaa. it will be.. an absolute honour. shafy remember. coz i think u'll be the first. haha. anyways.. i guess i should end.. it's like 10 30 now and i started at early 9 plus..

so just really.. thanks.. every single person in 04s23.. for even acknowledging my presence. yes. even weiliang and izzu when i was leaving school one day. i heard someone shouting my name t--- so damn loudly. t---! ---! w-- l---! and i would look towards the library and the shouting would stop and then it would start again. haha crazy. but yea! u guys rock. and even talking to me. or caring or everything. this sucks im making it sound like it's all about me.. but it's not. i just feel very blessed to have been part of such a great group of poeple.

zhen. norm. shafy. wenjie. fadhli. izzuDDin. zeya. dee. sarah. hazel. sum. pri. waijia. amos. veron. joy. diana. mel. meixi. o-wern. wee suan. karthik. wei liang. bing.
u guys really have just brightened up my life.. (: