mr ho is the most amazing teacher ever. well prob many of my classmates will echo this.. and it's like way old news but i just have to say it again anyway. everyone else is just so focused on getting their job done academically and even if they would wanna be involved in the lives of their students in any other way, it hardly works out. but mr ho is so different. from our first gp lesson til now he's just been blowing our minds away with his neverending bank of knowledge.. and this is a guy who actually.. has an understanding.. and knows so much more about life as compared to the common idiot on the road. im not like hero worshipping or whatever. im just really glad that i've had the fortune of being in his class. which other teacher would sit at the swing with a gp clinic with students surrounding him in chairs carried form the concourse? which other teacher would freely use the word shit. a huge hurray for that
and he's just never judged like the normal teacher has either. he actually knows us. and he's given me so much leeway on a lot of things.. i think i really owe him tremendously. danielle and i had quite a long talk with him.. and.. i remember shafy and i spoke to him a few months ago when we were deciding on S papers, and he told me to change the opinions of the other teachers had of me.. there was still time. unfortunately, i screwed those months and now i feel like the chance is gone. it's not that i give a shit what they think of me coz i dont believe they can ever know a student.. unless they're like mr ho of course. it's just that sometimes u have to be realistic and these are people who indirectly will determine some significant part of your future education. dammit. but it is my fault for failing to see that initially and not being a happy, likeable, hardworking student.. or whatever they want. but anyway i would never wanna do or be something which im not! i would never purposely put up some freaking stupid front. it's just so damn pathetic. i guess if that's just the way i am and they cant deal with me not being a good student or whatever shit adjective they use to describe them then i deserve every bad comment that comes my way. i was telling danielle i feel like i let mr ho down.. and she said i let myself down more than i did mr ho. which is very true. and which is really really sad. sigh. i feel like i didnt have.. as much character as i thought i had.. i couldnt put my mind down to doing something which i had to do.. and now i've just put myself into a very precarious position again.. and what mr ho said initially made me feel kinda discouraged.. but as we talked more i realised that sometimes.. i just have to be realistic.. sometimes being realistic i guess doesnt mean letting go of your ideals.. but rather.. actually setting your foot on the path that will take you there.. i dont know what's going to happen.. but i will never let go of anything i feel damn strongly for.. so i guess we'll see..
i know i can never go against how i am and really suck up like hell. or even just make myself out to be liked by someone for a reason, especially if we're talking about teachers, but i guess the least i could have done was do my work and maybe paid attention. but there should be.. no regrets man.. i guess now.. i'll just look forward and see what i can do.. i desperately wanna prove them wrong. but i have so many doubts in my capabilities and abilities by now..

i have a lot of thoughts on that.. but i dont think i'll write anymore down.. coz my mind is still in a whirl.. anyway.. i love my friends! again! yea moving on..

we were watching some crap on tv yesterday when my mum let out a cry and all attention turned to my dad. apparently he found the fringe the barber cut for him too long when it's like half of mine and so he went to cut it himself and it turned out like.. well.. u know those that are flat straight in front of your face. hoho. but my dad really is damn cool that way. to me definitely he is the greatest guy on the surface of this earth. he's just so damn different from everyone else. maybe it's because of his absolute faith in God. he doesnt give a shit about what people think about him or society's expectations. he just goes about his job and serving the Lord as much as he can. i would say that my dad is damn good looking for his age. not boasting or anything, but it's just a fact. he could look 20 years younger if he dressed younger but he doesnt give a shit! he can wear the same skinny pair of jeans or pants that he wore 20 years ago (they're prob classics now). he could wear mismatched shoes with anything. he could use handkerchiefs with holes in them. he doesnt give a shit about money. he doesnt give a shit about all the superficial things that people do. he's just so damn different. and he's really the nicest person ever. he's so damn obliging (which at times makes me damn pissed off coz i feel people take advantage of that a lot) and just an extremely nice person who doesnt judge people. and yet he can be so damn retarded at times.. just doing the stupidest most hilarious things. sigh. it doesnt matter what has happened, what's happening, or what will happen. but my family is definitely the most important thing to me. i would die for anyone of them. i know it sounds so hypocritical in a way to say that coz u've not been placed in that situation. but i would. it doesnt matter whatever shit goes on. i love my sister to bits and if anyone laid a hand on her i'll kill you. you know i would.

















yes my dad still looks like that! better in fact i would think! childhood just rocked man. right now.. i feel like we can just see the road lying straight ahead in front of u.. but cant see beyond that.. i somehow believe that if u stick with whatever u believe in.. things will just work out in their own time.. i hope that holds true.

we were talking about this today.. how some people dont say things directly but they drop hints and or put things up here or there to give people an idea or what is happening/how shitty everything is or whatever it is and just want to draw that attention or sympathy to themselves. i admit i've blogged a couple of times when i was really in deep shit but those were out of moments of pure... helplessness. u get over moments like these. and everyone goes through them. but to draw attention to yourself in an indirect way. i think it's just pathetic. if u wanna say something say it. if not dont be a hypocrite and leave everyone guessing. coz guess what. no one gives a shit. well at least i dont. particular things make me sick and this is one of them.