im so tired. that beloved essay just killed me off yesterday. just woke up at 5. another day gone. i made someone a promise which im not very sure im keeping at the moment.. i've gotta honour that man.. shit i will.

was watching oprah just now though in my nap-break. and what i saw just pissed the crap out of me. these parents trying to live out their dreams of show business and well..just making their kids live out their dream and not really giving a shit what their kids wanted or whether they wanted to be their own person. there was this guy who had 6 kids and he moved them all to nyc and is giving all of them a decade to make it in showbiz coz he has always had the dream of doing broadway. and throughout the show when he was talking and trying to make excuses for his actions of controlling his kids lives and directing them towards this shit instead of letting them develop as individuals and giving them the love they needed. you could see the quiet desperation in the eyes of those kids, yet they couldnt seem to say a word.. and that was the saddest thing. some kid.. a boy.. just started crying but he couldnt really say why. freak. if you're not ready to be a parent and change your life which is what you will have to do if you have a kid.. then dont do it then! only when u're sure that u have the selflessness to care for another other than yourself.. should u even get married.. have children.. i think i wanna have kids one day. how weird saying that. but.. ah. what the heck. at least i'll know what not to do.. i think.

wanted to say something.. but forgot what. anyway im gonna leave this quote that i got from some other guy's blog which has an extremely similar address to mine. in fact i would have used that but he had it. so i had to manipulate it with an addition..

"The greatest single cause of atheism in the world today is Christians, who acknowledge He is with their lips, and walk out the door, and deny Him by their lifestyle. That is what an unbelieving world simply finds unbelievable."

so true huh.

just remembered what i wanted to say.. odac phototaking is tmr. SUCKS i really really really hate phototaking. gah! i feel like wringing someone's neck now. dont know why. anybody.. anybody.. u can volunteer yourself tomorrow. grrrrrrrr.