this week has been an amazing week. a lot of things have happened.. or rather i felt a lot of stuff.. not just during sonicfest but it's just been so hectic and i've been coming home half-dead everyday i really really need some sleep. it's been a crazy crazy week.. potentially life-changing..
ok let's see i have no idea where to start.. before this week.. everything really was a mess. and i've never felt so helpless and alone before... i remember putting something on my blog where i usually put a verse asking God to help me coz i really am a mess. but i think quite a bit has changed since.. firstly, i think i finally may have a direction in life.. studies and career wise. it's become quite clear to me this week what is the only thing that i can do and really be happy at, with the talk.. career fair.. but suddenly some doubts came into my mind.. but im going to try to get rid of them too many times i have doubted and these doubts are what kill me.. the entire time. anyway i think God just makes everything work out, somehow. i was dead tired on wed and was thinking of not going for the talk.. and yet i did. was dead tired on thurs and was thinking of going home after school.. but i didnt. hanging out with the class and watching movies and then going for college day which was so damn hilarious was great.. really upped my morale.. was dead tired on friday and thinking of not going for sonicfest.. but i did. and im so glad i did. thank you danielle and sarah for everything!! this is an old photo i dug up i think we were on the way to GIC last year for the vid conferencing.. haha
i think the Lord really had a purpose for me coming to vjc. i've met some really amazing people here.. esp my classmates. zhen, rah, dee, meixi, bing and i had a long talk on thursday which we haven for an extremely long time since there was no more chinese and it was great. mel's birthday was this week and it was just so great to see her happy and stuff and go around with her during the career fair.. and talks.. and all. mel if u're reading this... CHOKKKK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! hahaha ok last mention i promise :) and i've been surrounded by so many christian friends. before i came here i was really disillusioned about people. everything and everyone just seemed so superficial to me. but things have changed i guess. vj may not be ac. but these people in my life have been constantly reminding me of the presence of God.. haha even norman. what would make him come talk to me all out of a sudden! too many things which have happened this week cannot be put down to coincidence. thanks again comrade!
ok! on to sonicfest. well.. it was great. yesterday when i was talking to xue ai at PS she said something that we didnt need this kinda thing to worship God and feel him. we didnt need these kinda things to get us high on God. i do agree. but i know i needed it, and isnt it just great to worship God anytime? it doesnt matter if u're singing alone in your room or in a huge open space with a whole load of other people! and cat came along yesterday! something else which cannot be put down as a coincidence! this is a girl who just came from a horrible biomed thing and has prelims in 2 weeks and yet she felt compelled to come to sonicfest for 30 bucks. plus i havent seen her for a longtime barring very rare meet ups! my mg friend with my 2 vj friends.. who would have thought. anyway sonicflood was amazing. the whole atmosphere was crazy. everyone just seemed to be on such a high. the cynic in me just comes out here and i wonder whether some people really are or just going with the flow coz they think it's cool but anyways it doesnt matter. the music was BLASTING. ive never vibrated so much in my life. the hilarious thing is when daryl managed to locate me through the camera pointing at the crowd coz he spotted me on the screen quite a few times. haha. im at a loss of words now really. i dont know how to describe what i felt. but i'll try. i really think the Lord spoke to me and he gave me 2 nights of worship to him which i really needed. it's been too long since i went to church. it's been too long since i let the devil have a hold on me and prevented me from doing so many. many. many things. i feel like the Lord spoke to me through the songs. to me who has always doubted his presence. coz im like thomas, i need to see to believe. but christianity is about faith. the faith in a Lord that exists even though we may not be able to see him physically. and now i do know he's there. even as im typing this i know that doubts are trying to force their way back into my mind but im not going to let them this time. i know that God is there! i've felt his presence very strongly on a few occasions. the last one before this was one which saved my life literally i think but it also turned me on a path of destruction coz i lost that hold i had on his word. but im determined to make it different this time. im going to sustain this faith and not let it fade away like it usually does. what a bold thing to say... but i will do it. i know that he is much bigger than any crap that i or anyone else may be going through now... but im still trying to cast all my fears away coz i know he is there. i would like to say that my heart of cold solid stone changed overnight but i cant. it is changing i can feel it and i know i have to continue looking upon him. like cat said last night i felt very joyful. and i feel like all my panic has been replaced by a sense of peace. right now, i still am afraid.. and definitely still have some doubts. but then again who doesn? i dont know what else to say.. except im just really glad to know that God is there.
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