one of the reasons i was hesitant for very long for getting like.. a public blog was that i didnt wanna whine about how my life stinks. coz that's just really the epitome of self-centredness. but i realise i keep falling off that tangent. i shall try to keep it together.

this morning was not a good morning though. to say the least. sigh. silence. u dont know me. at all. so dont judge me. being whoever u are doesnt give u a right to either. u've already destroyed my life. thanks a lot. dont speak i dont really give a shit.

had a horrible nightmare last night.. the ending of which was pretty scary. me, my mum and my sis were running from killers. we were at this swimming pool and my sis and i were swimming when this caucasian guy appeared (im not gonna use the word 'angmoh' coz i realised that that actually is a rather derogatory term.. after reading this article sometime back) and he was after my sis. i made sure she got out of the pool first so i could just stay behind and screw him not literally if he even DARED to come near. anyway we escaped. somehow we appeared at this apartment where some relatives were at. and we kinda found out that that caucasian guy was a hybrid. there were a lot of hybrids out there. there was an albert-monkey (we actually saw them. i have no idea how. or what the hell an albert-monkey is) there was even a hybrid of the queen of england. i cant remember what she was. anyway apparently this guy was a hybrid too. and he was called a.. homo-something. so we were hiding in the apartment and suddenly he appeared at the window. my mum and sis just ran quickly into the kitchen to be with albert-monkey who was actually dissecting a turkey in a very freakish manner. and i was rushing about finding knives and these long wooden poles i knew i would gladly stick into this idiot if he dared to even come near to anyone who had ties with me. i was so prepared to kill him. i cannot even imagine what kiling someone is like though. i watched once on oprah this woman who got stabbed by her husband so many times that the doctors stopped counting when they reached no. 59 or something like that. but she survived. but when she woke from her hospital bed she found out that he had killed her 2 children as well. can u imagine. i cant even imagine what the hell she was going through. it's crazy. and some of us dont even have the courage to kill a cockroach. to stab a person so many times? it's unbelievable. crazy. crazy crazy crazy. would u die for your family or friends. it's so easy to say yes. but when u're really in the situation. it may be a different story altogether. i've thought about this long and hard and even if i may not love them to death. or even hate them. i think i would say yes. i dont know. that's a very self-centred thing to say actually. but i really think i would. hopefully we wont get to test that out.

the oprah show just now was on women all around the world. and today's episode was really really interesting. you really realise how much more goes on other than this small pathetic 'life' of yours in this small pathetic island of singapore. i dont think i'll talk much about it coz i am definitely thinking of changing my GP presentation topic from live 8 (im a bit sick of the topic after the G8 discussions) to something else. i was thinking.. michael fay, oj simpson, or yea women around the world definitely. so.. i dont know i hope mr ho allows me to change it. anyways it made me think. it seemed that all these women in these countries.. there was just so much culture. yea even the iraqi woman was proud to be an iraqi. and then u take a look at singapore. it's just. so different. it's really opened my eyes to the absolute lack of culture here. i'm not just saying this because of watching a 1 hour show and very narrow-mindedly coming to the conclusion that singapore sucks. i used to think that a few years ago. but since then i'd come to the conclusion that no, it really isnt that bad. it's just that every country is different and we really should appreciate what we have. so i've tried to find some positives that singapore has. like safety.. and.. stability.. and stuff. but o man. we are boring. a boring nation really. we lack culture. completely. im not bashing singapore for the sake of it whitout looking at the big picture. trust me i've looked at the big picture and we're lacking a lot. yea we're safe. we're stable. but that's it. we're just a big fat bore. culture. a way of life. i dont even think we have any of those. sure whenever we have celebrations and stuff we use all these dances and songs form the different races.. but o please. do we even really embrace them? think about it. sigh. our way of life. kids going to school carrying heavy school bags and complaining about the workload. i guess yes it does branch out when we're older into people who are more geeky and only interested in academic stuff and people who think that having a huge social circle and zouking and all is the way to go. and then we all go to work and stuff. and then we all die. sigh. i dont know. there's another episode on oprah where there is actually a singaporean woman. yes. check this out:

"Not many people realize this," explains Tara, "but Singapore is a city, state and country all in one." A diamond-shaped island the size of Chicago, Singapore has an average temperature of 90 degrees year-round. Singapore is known for its strict laws and penalties. Spitting on the ground, littering, jaywalking and failing to flush a public toilet are illegal actions and offenders are subject to stiff fines. "Oprah, I hear you're not a big fan of chewing gum," Tara says. "Then you should come to Singapore! You won't find chewing gum here because it's illegal to sell it." Singaporean women share Americans' passion for get-thin-quick schemes. "Slimming salons" promise weight loss without dieting or exercise. Electronic wave therapy and anti-cellulite massage are two of the most popular treatments.

what a SAD picture is painted of our country! ok so singapore is a hot island. and very strict. full of fines. o! and did you know.. that.. (drumroll...) chewing gum is illegal! that is so interesting! o haha haha. hahahaha. ha. ha. ha.(this joke has been used way too many times..no people it's not that interesting anymore) o right! and the latest discovery of Singapore is that... slimming salons are sprouting up everywhere! it's the new craze man! how sad is that really. how sad is that.

it just gives me more determination to get out of here and do something. just do something. but im scared to take that step. because im just afraid that i dont have what it takes. at all.