i know that one day in the future.. if i make it til then.. i will look back at these days of prelims and think.. how insignificant everything was. coz life would really have.. happened by then.. and whatever had happened would have brought me to wherever i was. it wont matter that i did shit for studying shit in a shit amount of time. this period is so damn insignificant and yet right now i can only see and think it determines the rest of my life coz of what i want.

maybe this is the real test. maybe it's so definite that if i go into this shit with the amount of crap i have now theoretically i'll fail miserably. but.. if i do really get.. to do what i want.. then i guess that would be a really strong indication that that's the path that well.. God has planned for me.. although there are a lot of ironies to that sentence but i cant be bothered to elaborate coz i know what i mean.. i think things out in my head but when i put them down on paper everything just sounds so damn wrong.

let's just get this STUPID SHIT over and done with dammit.
why the hell do we study SHIT that we have no crap interest in. i HATE talking about studies here but i shall just do it. yes i know why. coz it gives us discipline, and in a way it trains our mind and blah and all that but for right now i dont care. it's just really all shit. ____________________ crap.