there's so much to do. it's crazy. and dont even know why im bothering. cos it's all screwed already. but still. shit.
and im so DAMN IRRITATED with reading stuff about everyone thinking they are this this this individual. arghhhhhh. then again imjust annoying my own self! that stupid nine o clock dancing show is on now and i just have to let out my frustrations at WHAT A JOKE IT IS!!!! so many things are a joke! and it's so funny! to the point that it's not man. argh blah sigh gr.

you know i think.. or rather there was a period of time i thought religon was the only answer to all this.. worldly unhappiness that we face. everynight at the end of the day when u go back to ur bed.. and u're with urself.. as 'great' as the day has been.. u feel so empty. and that emptiness is because.. there is no God in ur life. i cant remember if someone told me that.. or it's something i made up in my brain. i realise that my ramblings a few days ago after reading frey's book.. were very rash. most of my friends are Christians.. and they have strong belief in their faith.. however sometimes when u see doubts when someone says something.. or acts someway.. and it's totally against how things are supposed to be (they usually dont realise) it's like hmmmm... somehow these days i feel like.. a sense of.. aversion to praying... i dunno why. argh. and when i always do there are two thoughts in my head - am i praying to the wall - am i doing this only because it's the 'right' thing???

AM i just being damn FREAKING honest or do i have a problem which all other christians do not have? ok i think i am being damn freaking blunt. but is everyone else being honest too or do they really feel differently. help! but dont help! but im just like saying man! i cant wait for christmas to come.. the atmosphere.. the mood.. if you are indeed there God. i hope u renew my heart. again. and make it stay that way.