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shit. after typing all that i feel so damn _________ again. there just really seems to be no ____ a lot. and im just damn damn damn jaded and tired.

there has got to be something better doesnt there? it cant continue like this forever. something. something has to change. there has to be something better.

i think i said this before.. but my dad once told me that when you really accept and let God into your life.. you'll feel like a new person. everything will be just so different. maybe. probably. but how? i think ive strayed so far... i dont know how that is gonna happen again.

ive been thinking of _____ a lot.. fleeting thoughts in the recent past.. and much more recently.. i guess. that's when i just really know that i definitely have a _______