thats when i ____ you

loneliness has been the biggest, cruelest battle.

am i stupid... or am i stupid.
i want to get out of my dorm...my 'bunk'... to eat some asian food... but im lazy to. a friend is right outside who has a car.. and it'd be nice to talk to another human being before i kill myself with my thoughts. i could ask my friend for a lift to get some asian food which im craving for. eat there. or wait to da bao back. but yet i refuse. even though i really want to. there's the small reason of feeling bad for inconvenience (which actually is not valid in this instance). but mainly because i refuse to go to out, even just to eat dinner, or to dabao it back, alone with a guy. to me for some reason, it's just a bit wrong. if there's nothing going on. and i dont like to ask favours. i should do it myself. right.

why. why am i so stubborn. so stupid. so damn old fashioned.
to choose some stupid logic.. over the __________.

When you have to look away
When you dont have much to say
Thats when I love you
I love you, just that way

To hear you stumble when you speak
Or see you walk with two left feet
Thats when I love you
I love you, endlessly

And when your mad cuz you lost a game
Forget Im waiting in the rain
Baby i love you,
I love you anyway

Heres my promise made tonight
You can count "on" me for life
Thats when i love you
When nothing you do can change my mind
The more I learn, The more I love
The more my heart cant get enough
Thats when I love you,
When I love you no matter what

Aslyn, that's when i love you

i play this song a lot.. esp when im sad-der.. coz it makes me think of grace and lynette.. friends.. everyone back home.. right now in this second. i really want to be home. surrounded by people i know and love. maybe im just being stupid sentimental. but it's really become very impt to me. more than a lot of things. how we used to have talks about relationships... i can honestly say now that to me.. it's all bs. im human. it's in our capacity to want.. some company..esp at my age. as corny at that sounds. but i cant even think of it now. in fact, it kinda disgusts me. after things ive seen. and. it's just so insignifcant. irrelevant. friends.. there's nothing better. but sometimes... i do feel like it really is a one-sided thing. no man is an island. is that the phrase? although i think mine is developing extremely well unfortunately.

right now i just want to be home.

i think. i think ill call him again. i want to eat.

and i did.

sigh.

sorry myself. i betrayed you.