i was reading a friend's post just now. and was typing a comment... about how it didnt matter that.. you feel you have to keep up appearances with people sometimes.. or whatever it is.. coz you know.. all you need are just those few good friends.. (yes. someone told me that many many times before. thanks.. disillusioned human.. or rather.. sheep. (: ) people you know and trust.. who will never have an ulterior motive.. who will never do or say anything to hurt you.. and will just support you all the way.. who wont cast judgment upon you. you just need those few good people. and everything else.. although annoying on a daily basis.. just kinda fades into the background and doesnt matter. yea. even queen bees.. ;)
my room-mate and i get along really pretty well. although we are complete opposites. we're extremely flexible.. can both sleep with the light on.. anytime.. we just dont really care much about anything in particular. but sometimes.. there are things which.. i personally feel.. quite annoyed and sad with. last night was slightly testing. i know i give in to people a lot. too much.
my room mate is... extremely conscious and pays a lot of attention to her looks. i wake her up every morning for class coz she can hardly ever do it herself. there was one morning she woke up extremely late with only 15 minutes to spare including waiting for the bus. if i had 15 minutes left. i would just brush teeth, change, and chiong out. but the first thing she did was take 10 minutes to do her make-up.
honestly. i was dumb-founded. shocked. stunned. maybe im just naive and stupid. i should have expected it. but i couldn believe it. at that very moment.. i was glad i was who i am. it was extremely dejavu.. coz i remember a completely similar feeling some time last year.. abeit in a completely. completely different situation.
she questions me a lot too.. whether i am "a girl"?!?! why dont i like to dress up. or wear make-up. or do anything with my hair. or put in the slightest effort to look good. or wear something other than jeans and my hoodie everyday. why do i just not care about how i look. honestly speaking.. of course if i said i didnt care in the slightest.. i would be lying. who wont care... but.. let's not go into the reasons. the point is.. we had an extra long discussion about this last night.. and it just left me feeling.. quite bad about myself. even though it was over such a damn superficial topic. sometimes i do wonder how things could be.. if i was different.. less like myself.. more like her.. but.. i mean. i will never change. and i think im extremely comfortable just being like that. not caring. it's great.
but after i replied to my friends post.. really.. i just felt like a burden had been lifted off my shoulders in a sense. it really doesnt matter (:
dee. i am going to borrow your book from the library. thanks for the reccomendation (:
... i just feel... extremely touched. there couldnt be any better motivation. i wont disappoint you. at all. or myself for that matter.
when i come back in 4 months. i will still be me. but different.
o yea and i stepped on dog shit and am damn pissed off about it. ARGH. i saw a brown patch on the floor and somehow. i swear. what was going through my mind was it looks hard, quick test what it is. step on it. and i did. and it really was shit. i really am a smart ass.
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