marketplace

i went to the mall today... the only mall in this area... and was looking at stuff.. there's really.. like.. great stuff to get.. i was looking at a&f's fierce cologne.. my brother might like that.. or maybe that shirt.. or that polo tee.. a nice pair of shorts.. my sister wants that!.. o.. and that necklace... a hollister polka dotted top.. sarah likes this kinda thing... and loads and loads of perfume... hmm.. meixi.. ooo danielle.. ahh!! zhen!! or maybe lynette.. eh grace!!..etc etc.. it was the same every single store i walked to.. the only other thought was.. should i buy it now.. or is it too expensive.. and then... wl.. how many thousand people do u wanna buy things for... if id acted on instinct id seriously be broke by now.

and i suddenly realised.. that somehow.. i think everything i do here is somehow.. for home. there's never a moment.. well.. ok.. hardly a moment that i dont think of something back home... like what work will be like.. being ready for it.. or what this person/that person is doing.. how is she.. would they like this.. if i want to do well.. it's really because i want to do well coz i dont want to disappoint people and my job.. if i want to be more confident its coz i wanna to be a good _______.. if i want to be.. happier.. it's coz i wanna go home happier so i can be.. more outgoing and meet up with people and just totally enjoy each other's company.. i spend quite a lot of time online.. coz it's my connection between home.. and this far away place where i am..

the freshmen here are planning go to to nigara falls after the finals in mid may.. i mean.. i guess it would be great to see the nigara falls.. i really do kinda love nature and the outdoors in all its full glory.. after eurolife.. but i dont feel like going.. coz.. the _______.. wont be right... and.. the main thought on my mind is.. i wanna come back to sg.. see my friends.. and train and prepare and get back intot he mindset.. for work which will start very soon on my return...

i guess.. it does make sense that when you study overseas.. you should make the best of the opportunity to travel around... see things.. one of the things the idiotic customs guy asked me was.. what do you think of the US. i said it was "ok".. coz it really is okay! and he started talking to me in an extremely condescending manner how i couldnt judge the US from my small town of urbana-champaign and that i know nothing about the US at all.. i need to see more.. blah blah blah... maybe in a way that doofus was right. but to me.. he's not. if anything.. i would like to see the grand canyon... go to yellowstone.. to see these kinda things.. trek.. whatever.. but.. im not really interested in anything else.. the vegas lights.. freaking shopping.. disneyland.. the great hangouts in florida or whatever it is.. i dont know. maybe im just boring.. but it just doesnt interest me that much....

i want to go to europe end year during the winter break with some friends there... as cool as it will be to check out europe.. (AND GO TO NEWCASTLE!!!!!! WOOHOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i might buy the whole clubshop down.. yea.. reminder to save up..) the best part of it will be the company... and i think really... that might be 95% of the attraction (excluding newcastle) or maybe even more much. travelling is great.. coz of the break.. but it really means crap without company would you really enjoy... sigh.

anyways. does anyone want anything from the US? just drop me an email, ill be glad to help. i think last time when i was still on my parent's money... i would think a LOT before buying anything.. but that kinda seems so long ago.. it's kinda like 3rd Jan 2006 was really the official change in my life.. maybe in this context coz it was the 1st day i officially kinda started earning my own cash.. but much more than that too... now i definitely do think a lot too before i spend.. but it's different.. if im getting something for someone which i really want to.. it just makes me completely YAYYYYYYYYYYYYY like d's chocolate lotion thing. i was in heaven.

maybe im just a simpleton. or a sentimental piece of crap. or unadventurous. or dont know how to make best use of my time here. but i think that phrase is bullshit. how do u define make best use? by travelling like shit? meeting a crapload of people? making all these contacts? transforming yourself into an "adult"?

for me i just want to.. develop as a person... prepare for my job.. do well in school.. keep in touch with friends.. i definitely want all these so called.. international experiences.. join things... meet people.. but i realised it cant be forced.. you make an effort.. and if it happens great.. but as long as u're happy with what you're doing i guess.

yesterday an american friend came by my room.. asked me to join this kinda like.. an international club with her.. i think that kinda made my night.