beware SHITTY english.. i read it over and it's like.. what the heck am i writing.. completely reflects the state of mind of not having slept for 3 nights in a row.. only for 3/4 hours in the day.. which is to continue.. sigh. shit. my body is in damn bad condition now... my head..

o man my head is POUNDING.. it's killing me.. i havent slept since i woke up at 4pm.. after not sleeping the previous night and sleeping at 1230pm.. it's 911 am now and ive just taught myself 6 chapters of econs from when i woke up.. im dying. dying. but i cant sleep or i'll miss my class at 12.. again. sigh.

my favourite new show is the daily show with jon stewart.. didnt get to watch it in singapore tv.. started watching it on youtube.. got hooked. it's just so damn hilarious.. and it delivers the news at the same time.. and esp with its whole polical thing...

the election is on going now.. and o man.. i dont know it's just so exciting.. for me.. one thing i dont really like about the daily show is how bush is made out to be a complete fool.. and he honestly really seems like one.. but it's just.. editing and biasness man.. i mean you cant really except things on surface value.. who the hell can be the US president without some shitty depiction.. or opposition.. it's kinda sad.. coz i think i lean more towards republican than democrat.. the senate is being contested very closely now.. hope the republicans win.. my sudden interest in politics.. not singapore that is.. makes me think whether i should change my decision about change my major.. sigh will think about it more on friday.. now. there's just too much on my mind..

and of course in other news.. when i went online yesterday.. msn.com.. that's where i get my news now.. stunned.

BRITNEY DIVORCE.

hahahaa. o man. even before my econs exam this morning my prof was talking about it.. somehow this seems to be overshadowing the election somewhat.. hahaa.. i dont even know why im talking about her when i dont give a shit about all this kinda stuff.. but wow. it's been a long time coming man. great great move. kfed seems like such a loser.. but o man.. now he seems kinda pitiful.. but stop it. i must stop being soft hearted. yea even to retarded things like this which are so totally non of my business but at least im willing to admit that its interesting and actually blogging about it. ha. hmmm.. just hope this revives her career. she doesnt have the best voice.. but it's not the worst either and she's a damn good performer.

and.. amos just sent me this poem.. which i thought was written exclusively for me.. hahahaa but apparently not!
amos. he sent me a poem last time before i left.. and i was like whoa... soooooooo touched.. even though honestly after lit in jc.. i got a bit sick of them.. i appreciate things sure but not when u disect them like some piece of meat or something.. that was before i found out that he wrote it for roshni.. and a few othe rpeople who were going overseas too..

serious heartbreak. really. but it's ok amos. u are forgiven... (: (:

----------------------------------------------------------------

army elf

notes written during guard duty

17:30

His smart four is tucked into innocent pockets and folds, and clings earnestly to his limp but supple shoulders. He refuses to sit, instead he paces around the guardroom. Elf gimlets tend and trim the Christmas tree in the centre. Brushing his boots against the floor, his ankles catch the sunny fluorescent light quiet black gleams, wary smiles

20:00

He talks very little, gives very little away
He tells us he is twenty-two, studies Mathematics on an army scholarship.
Twelve, studies the volumes of chimneys and the shapes of socks, an elf’s gift.
His commands are polite. He is Santa’s sergeant.
He watches. Sometimes amused, sometimes from afar, godling born under a distant star

Sentry

he slings a rifle
over shoulders that
sigh
for a mouth
forbidden
to speak

The moon shares his secrets, winking at him from its milky crescent hood many nights ago he galloped past the moon with the illusion of going through it

23:59 (off duty and

It would not be accurate to say that he was not meant for such a life: it is only a different sort of green. Grinning green of lalang and weeds (winking mistletoe), chalk green helmets (green felt caps), camouflage green smart-four (elf’s suit, camouflaged to protect surprises and a child’s imagination).

0:00

From one of the massive pockets of his SBO (Santa’s hat), he evinces some fantastical sleight of hand and draws out a grubby Kinokuniya bag wrapping paper crinkle, scotch tape rip, ribbon ruffle. His fingers hungrily, but softly uncover a glossy paperback (Memoirs Of A Geisha). He tackles the pages gingerly, almost as if they will shatter and vanish in his magical grasp –


(0:01/23:59)

but they only crumple to the static drumbeats of the Singapore anthem. Christmas carols, little drummer’s boy.

Smartly he goes, left right left right left right left: but there is a distant air to his marching saddling the reindeers, prowling the midnight air above children’s bedrooms

08:00, change of guards

In the morning as I leave the guardroom, I look back until he disappears from my view like a child who, taught to unlearn the Santa Claus myth, wakes up for water at the first stroke of Christmas morning and glimpses the tails of an elf’s suit stealthily retreat into the darkness behind the Christmas tree not before winking at him

- amos toh