decided to change my layout... just tired of the old one.. wanted something.. seemingly more peaceful.. happier.. white-ish.. instead of black black black.. but i guess that didnt work out.. at least.. here's a picture of happier.. happier days.. probably the happiest days of my life.. sigh. too bad i was too young.. and childish back then to truely appreciate it.. or maybe that's what made it so great..

put up the chatterbox thing again too.. i dont know who still comes here.. but when i go overseas.. like.. a form of communication i can still have with people here.. hopefully..

anyway.. it suddenly.. got me thinking again.. just suddenly.. i remember watching that show on tv that day.. and she went online and did the test.. and it confirmed it for her.. and i just did it.. and it definitely is true..

everyday.. everyday for the past few years.. i've kept killing myself over it.. but in a way have become so so numb.. so while i keep putting myself down you know.. just accept it.. coz it's so normal.. so common.. but it's affected.. every every aspect of my life.. and so many things which i have thought normal all this while.. are really just not normal at all.. and i guess i suddenly thought of that just now.. and admitted to myself.. almost like started crying or something. i think i am crazy man.. but no i am not.. just merely.. ____________ ..

it was kinda like a revelation.. and i really dont know.. how to get over.. this..

especially now that im leaving soon.. sigh. i really dont know man. i never believed that it was really a _________ thing.. but suddenly.. i think it might be true.. sigh. i really really really dont know what to do.... there're so so many things i'm dreading in the next two weeks.. i dunno man.

i dunno how to make things the same again.