this is for all the lonely people
thinkin' that life has passed them by
don't give up until you drink from the silver cup
ride that highway in the sky

this is for all the single people
thinkin' that life has left them dry
don't give up until you drink from the silver cup
you never know until you try

and i'm on my way
yes, i'm on my way
well, i'm on my way back home

- jars of clay

i wish i had a gift in writing lyrics.. or poems.. or.. a gift in expressing myself in beautiful paragraphs.. which so many of my friends do.. but i dont.

i think there're just so many people i've failed in my life.. and whatever has happened in the past few years.. or however i have been.. i think it's amazing that i still have them.. somewhere in my life.. that they still have the remote interest in my existence..

i dont know who still comes here.. to this very isolated place online which i have hardly updated since.. selling my soul.. haa.. nah.. since.. i chose whatever direction in my life that i did.. but im just.. sorry for freezing people out.. the many times i dont reply.. dont turn up.. there're many things i wanna do.. but cant for certain reasons..

it's such a big gift to just.. walk around.. anywhere.. the neighbourhood.. orchard.. sit in the bus.. and just like.. feel totally at ease.. comfortable.. happy.. confident..

i've had that gift for a few moments this year.. but i've taken it away from myself..

i cant believe im leaving in 2 weeks.. it never occured to me that it was a reality until.. just about yesterday.. something i've wanted my whole life.. and suddenly.. im just not sure.. about so many thousand things. i wish i could.. leave in a good state.. and what was originally.. 2 months.. has become 2 weeks to do so..

i always kinda thought i had some character. and i think it still exists somewhere inside.. this whiny side is just.. the unfortunate winner at the moment..

ha. on another note.. i dont understand man.. it's forever forever the wrong people.. hahaa. but really man. happiness is there for u to like.. grab. sigh. ok.

i think.. that.. it's difficult for people to distinguish themselves between doing things coz they care about people or whatever it is.. and doing things which are essentially.. just for themselves. it's a huge difference between being selfless and selfish but yet the line that separates the two is so fuzzy.. and just sometimes completely blinded by one's ego. i thought u would realize that at some point in time.. but i guess.. some things will never change. it's disappointing. and it angers me how much.. it's as disappointing as it is annoying.

was just looking back at like.. super old entries.. when i started writing here.. and wow. sound totally different man. sounded so much more full of life. even though i dont remember that as being a good period.. well.. it hasnt been a good period forever.. but still.. maybe it's coz life was really so hectic then.. and having to be that way coz i was out there the entire time.. not by choice.. but yea..

arghhhhhhhhhhhh i dunnoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. if i came across this blog i would seriously dislike the owner of it. which of course. is not much difference.