i really really dont understand...

you've already screwed up my damn life.. to such a damn big extent which u can never comprehend. and it's something which will NEVER go away.. i know.. people who can testify for that.. and yet.. u dont know. and u dont give a shit either.

i look forward to book outs.. so damn much. i love army life at certain times.. other times.. i dread it.. i feel damn cooped up.. who wont.. and book outs are kinda like the light at the end of the tunnel.. they let u know that time is actually moving on.. they let u get a break.. they let u get out.. and yet when i book out i have to face this SHIT.

i used to think it was my own fault.. all my frustrations throughout the week and stress.. just releasing it during bookout.. but im seriously damn sick of it. why cant u give me a damn break. instead of spying. commenting. making me feel like shit. making me feel like shit.

im not complaining. whatever. am more calm now. five minutes away i would have been saying something like foxtrot uniform charlie kilo - ing SHIT. but now.. i am more calm.

i guess.. one thing must understand everywhere is that.. the way u treat ur kid from the moment he/she is born is damn important. the most important thing.. u must build up esteem in ur kid. dont build up negativities.. positives.. are the way to go.. and of course scoldings or whatever shit where lessons need to be learnt.. but how u treat ur children is damn important.. in speech.. behaviour.. speech especially.. words really do kill.. they really do kill.. if im gonna be a mother next time.. u can be damn sure im gonna be a damn good one.

on another note.. please stop it. sigh. stop it. get ur freaking hands off me.

there's one thing i HATE. and that is swearing. honestly. the most i'll go is shit..even if i do say it quite a lot.. the one thing ih ate more than swearing.. is when people.. and in this instant.. guys.. swear coz they think it's damn cool and to fit in. u can tell when someone is saying it coz it's really coz he's used to it and it's just part of his speech and when someone is saying it to be cool.. casual.. bull shit man. dont suddenly talk and add charlie bravo to ur speech to show ur manliness.. sigh. im sick of it. im glad the guys are here in service term definitely. definitely. but they bring other.. annoyances.. and troubles.. with them.. sigh. i dunno man. freak.

sigh.

the last ball has been kicked.. and the Shearer era has come to an end.
it really has been 10 very very amazing years.. not just for him but for everyone who's followed his career and supported the man. Sigh. i have so many things to say.. which no one will ever understand. it's not some stupid worship or adoration.. it's just a huge amount of respect and.. emotional attachment. How much newcastle.. and shearer means to me.. it's uncomparable.

i am very. very. very. very. very. sad.

so... im waiting to do something. and while im waiting.. i am gonna do this thing.
i love doing all these boliao tag things and all these boliao quizzes. maybe coz sometimes i need to revisit the girl in me. seriously. it's there man. just that my life is quite different..

you know sometimes u're really like satisfied with what u have.. i mean.. im so fortunate to be experiencing something quite rare and things like that.. or u know to be who i am and not someone else or whatever.. and yet other times.. when u just look around.. u wish why u didnt have ________________ ... or whatever it is.. i dont know how to explain myself man.. so i shall just distract all these thoughts.. with this boliao tag.. haha sometimes i really wonder whether.. my friends have forgotten my existence. coz.. things are just so different.. so foreign now..


Rules:
1. Bold the following words that are true about you.
2. GREEN! the things you wish were true.
3. add one thing true about you
4. and then tag onetwothreefourFIVE more people.
5. im adding my rule of maybes.. in italics..

I miss somebody right now.
I don't watch TV these days.
I own lots of books.
I wear glasses or contact lens.
I love to play video games.
I've tried marijuana.
I've been in a threesome.
I've been the psycho-ex in a past relationship.
I believe honesty is usually the best policy.
I curse sometimes. (if shit is counted as cursing..)
I have changed a lot mentally over the last year.
I carry my knife/razor everywhere with me.
I'm TOTALLY smart.
I've broken someones' bones.
I'm paranoid sometimes.
I would get plastic surgery if it were 100% safe, free of cost and scar-free.
I need money right now.
I love sushi.
I talk really,really fast/unclear.
I have long hair.
I have lost money in Las Vegas.
I have at least one sibling.
I have worn fake hair/fingernails/eyelashes in the past.
I couldn't survive without Caller I.D.
I like the way I look.
I am usually pessimistic.
I have alot of mood swings (nowadays.. maybe..)
I have a hidden talent.
I'm always hyper no matter how much sugar I have.
I have alot of friends.
I am currently single!
I have pecked someone of the same sex (my sister..)
I enjoy talking on the phone.
I practically live in sweatpants or PJ pants.
I love to shop.
Enjoy window-shopping.
I would rather shop than eat.
I don't hate anyone. (hate.. is a very strong word..)
I'm a pretty good dancer.
I'm completely embarrassed to be seen with my mother.
I have a cell phone.
I believe in God.
I watch MTV on a daily basis.
I have passed out drunk in the past 6 months.
I've rejected someone before.
I have no idea what I want to do for the rest of my life. (Am.. confused..)
I want to have children in the future.
I have changed a diaper before.
I've called the cops on a friend before.
I'm not allergic to anything.
I have a lot to learn.
I have been with someone at least 10 years older or younger.
I am shy around the opposite sex.
I have made a move on a friend or crush in the past.
I own the "South Park" movie.
I would die for my best friends.
I think that Pizza Hut has the best pizza.
I have used my sexuality to advance my career.
I love Michael Jackson, scandals and all.
Halloween is awesome because you get free candy.
I watch Spongebob Squarepants and I like it.
I have dated a close friend's ex.
I am happy at this moment!
I'm obsessed with guys.
Democrat.
I am punk rockish.
I am preppy.
I study for tests most of the time.
I tie my shoelaces differently from anyone I've ever met.
I can work on a car.
I love my job (I DO love my job.. maybe i love my job.. i wish i really really did love my job..)
I am comfortable with who I am now.
I have more than just my ears pierced.
I walk barefoot wherever I can.
I have jumped off a bridge.
I love sea turtles.
I spend ridiculous money on makeup.
Plan on achieving a major goal/dream.
I'm proficient in a musical instrument.
I worked at MacDonald's restaurant.
I hate office jobs.
I love sci-fi movies.
I think water rules.
I went college out of state.
I like sausages.
I love kisses.
I fall for the wrong people. (not in terms of falling.. coz im not the kind.. but in terms of.. liking people.. then maybe)
I adore bright colours.
I can't live without black eyeliner.
I don't know why the hell I just did this stupid thing.
I usually like covers more than originals.
I can pick up things with my toes.
I can't whistle.
I can move my tongues in waves, much like a snakes slithers.
I have ridden/owned a horse.
I still have every journal I've ever written in.
I can't stick to a diet. (i WONT. lame shit)
I talk in my sleep.
I try to forget things by drowning them out with loads of distraction.
Climbing trees is a brilliant past-time.
I have jazz in my blood.
I wear a toe ring.
I have a tattoo.
I can't stand at LEAST one person I work with.
I am a caffeine junkie.
I cosplay or know what cosplaying is.
I have been to over 15 conventions.
I will collect anything, and the more nonsensical, the better.
I'm an artist.
I only clean my room when necessary.
I like a person of the same sex.
I love being happy.
I am an adrenaline junkie.
I have ridden an elephant.
I love chocolates and crowns!
I go to school NOT for the sake of lessons.
I can't ride a bicycle.
I think i'm the only person crazy enough to do this at 6 in the morning without any sleep for the night.
I feel crazy.
I love tomatoes!!
I like peanut butter on bananas.
Been told "You're on fire!"
I'm a netballer.
I believe in Serendipity.
I think the word 'RASPBERRY' is sexaaay!
I love to look at people's teeth.
I don't wanna grow up.
I can cross my eyes n stick out my tongue n still look cute.
Gaining weight is a wonderful thing.
I am a PRO.
I love listening to gossip.
I really should be studying for exams now.
I totally love cheezels.
I can eat as much as a guy (sigh.. i can eat more.. just ask my section mates..)

can't think of anything i wanna add.. as for tagging people.. if anyone still comes to this cold.. isolated place.. u can go ahead and do it if u're really damn freaking bored..

why does this entry sound so depressing! life is good! right.. rightttt???
o man. i think someone is gonna die during section live firing this sunday. it might be me.

i really.. feel like.. my future is screwed..

i guess eventually i have to pay the price.. like.. i've always been damn heck care and somehow breezed through some things.. prob thanks to God more than anything else.. and.. yea..

i really. dont know what my next step is going to be. coz for prob for a real first time ever.. i dont see anything 'special' that can lie ahead.

sigh.

Courtesy of nufc.com ...





























From Reuters, Saturday:

Former England captain Alan Shearer has played his last professional game for Newcastle United after announcing he will miss the rest of the season.

"I'm finished now and I have great memories. The fact I won't be able to play the last three games is disappointing but I'm not complaining. How could I?" he was quoted as saying in Saturday's Sun newspaper.

The 35-year-old was due to retire at the end of the season but injured knee ligaments in Monday's 4-1 Premier League win over local rivals Sunderland at the Stadium of Light.

"I had focused on going all the way to the last game of the season against Chelsea and then my testimonial," he said. "But we don't live in an ideal world.

"Hopefully, I'll be able to kick off the testimonial but there's lots of people worse off than me."

Saturday's Sun also carried the following quotes in Al's column:

"That's it, it's all over, There's a tear in the medial ligament which, although it does not require an operation, means I will be in a knee brace for a few weeks. It's disappointing but I've got no regrets, I've had a great career.

"Deep down I knew when I limped out of the Stadium of Light that it was probably the end and I think the fans knew it as well. They know I don't stay down unless I'm badly hurt.

"My dream as a kid was to play for Newcastle United and to score goals at St James' Park.

"It doesn't matter that I didn't win a trophy because I did it my way and I lived the dream. Unless you come from the area you wouldn't understand that mentality. Playing for the club is everything.

"I broke Jackie's record and no one can take that away from me. I've never had any regrets.

"Some people think it was a fantastic way to go out anyway by scoring in our 4-1 win at Sunderland last week. I think they might be right."

We'll be paying our own tributes to the maestro over the next few days but meanwhile, in case you missed it, few have summed it up better than The Telegraph's Henry Winter:

The DJ at St James' Park must find another stadium-shaking, pulse-racing anthem. Local Hero must return to its case as Alan Shearer sheds himself of his second skin, that black-and-white No 9 shirt he wore with such distinction. As the Toon contemplate life after Shearer, the only lyrics that fully capture the Gallowgate's emotions are "God only knows what I'd be without you."

Just as critics sniped that Shearer had stayed on a season too long, he responded to the brickbats and the falling curtain with a fusillade of goals: clinical penalties, cool one-on-one finishes and regrets, if but a few, about the ones that got away.

Monday's ligament trouble at Sunderland has not simply precipitated Shearer's retirement date by three games, but deprived Newcastle United of the services of their most in-form forward. How typical of the man: he went out striking fear in a rivals' goalkeeper, Kelvin Davis, who had just thwarted England's present No 9, Wayne Rooney, in his previous outing against Manchester United. The verdict on Shearer's career is simple and uplifting: he remained a goal threat until the end.

At the final reckoning, the stats scream Shearer's class: 409 goals, including 30 for England, spread over 18 years, yet it is the words, not the impressive numbers, that truly define this special individual. Words like loyalty. In the Bosman world of constant movement, where devotion can be a dirty word, Shearer fought against the take-the-money creed.

His career began at Southampton, but the Geordie nation's No 1 ambassador worked his way home, via title-winning Blackburn Rovers, where he was loved like a son by Kenny Dalglish and the late, much-missed Jack Walker. Manchester United fans derided Shearer for snubbing them twice, decisions he knew would cost him a cabinet full of medals, but the call of the Gallowgate meant more. Much more. You cannot put a price on being a local hero.

Newcastle United are his club, his passion. When the wonderful Angel of the North was erected overlooking the A1, enterprising Newcastle fans quickly clad it with a massive Toon shirt bearing Shearer's name. Because Shearer is the greatest advertisement for Newcastle: hard-working, down to earth and with a real twinkle in his eye.

So respect the phenomenal goal return, but warm to the words that describe Shearer. Words like commitment. In the age of millionaires in the comfort zone, Shearer constantly put his body on the line. Twice, he fought back from knee injuries that would have defeated lesser mortals. Amid all the understandable wailing from Wallsend to Washington over Monday's injury, it was fitting that what appears Shearer's final act in a Newcastle strip should be an attempted tackle on a Sunderland player despite being on one leg. Competing to the last.

This is a warrior who never surrendered for Southampton, Blackburn or Newcastle, and never, ever for his country. In the nervous minutes before kick-off, England players would glance round the dressing-room, see Shearer with his eyes ablaze with determination, and belief would fill them.

Other words. Like integrity. In a profession tarnished by unpleasant creatures like Lee Bowyer, Shearer represents a breed for whom principles count. Some of his distracted peers become stars of CCTV. Not Shearer, now a BBC favourite. Value-giving and clean-living, Shearer is a model person as well as a model pro.

He has his golf, his family, his friends and the respect of everyone.

People say Shearer should focus on the Beeb, gradually articulating his interesting thoughts on the game as his distance from the dressing-room grows. Yet the former England captain has still so much to offer football. He could make a good manager, although the modest dedication levels of certain younger pros would frustrate a competitor who gave his all in every game, in every training session.

Even as the sands of time ran out on his career, Shearer gave his beloved Newcastle continued bragging rights over Sunderland. For that alone, he will always be the local hero. God only knows when Newcastle will see Shearer's like again.

i think.. i havent written an entry since the start of leadership term..

and i cant. coz there's too much to say. and everything is just.. so.. confusing.. all i can say is.. it's been.. 5 weeks? 2 weeks leadership.. 3 weeks service term.. and it's been a pretty.. emotional 5 weeks.. haha sigh..

anyways cat i shall reply u here.. yea we had outfield this week.. it's been.. a really.. interesting week.. to say the least.. mmm.. all the best for ur application yea i have complete faith in u let me know how it goes.. (:

when i actually have time to sit down and type again.. and when my head is clear.. maybe i shall write more.. until then.. may the journey continue.. very very corny.. but it really is a long.. emotional one.. but i believe still that everything happens for a reason.. right? (:

anyways.. on a very very very sad note.. the news i received upon reaching home that shearer has played his last game as a newcastle player whilst i was in camp.. was very very very sad. it's been 10 years of complete.. respect for this man. sigh. shall not go on. am very sad :(
















ok.. last thing.. just a reminder to self things that need to be done by next weekend..

1) specs
2) dartmouth and other unis
3) smu

since im sitting here waiting stupidly for something.. very stupidly.. but.. yea.. instead of doing something else which i really should be doing..or should have done a few weeks ago.. i shall just update my blog.. there's a lot of SHIT i've been wanting to say.. but i just cant be bothered to type it all down coz everything always comes out wrong and i've just been so damn busy. so i am gonna summarize my brain and type everything down and piss off the whole world and myself and then not give a shit. hurray.

1) singaporeans are a bunch of damn idiots. my sister fainted at the bus stop today and my mum was shaking her in panic.. (i wasnt around.. was having.. an interesting joyride..) and the bunch of 7 idiots at the bus stop stood still in their positions with a mere tilt of their heads towards my sister. honestly i dont feel pissed instead i find it so hilarious. freaking hilarious that it's so damn disgusting. and this lame excuse of a man actually stood BEHIND my mum to queue up to get into the bus. seriously. SERIOUSLY man. get a brain. or at least some eyes if that's possible. hey man singaporeans! can we stop being a bunch of retards!

2) which brings me to point number 2. no that last sentence was a stupid generalisation. all the shit i've said about singaporeans.. everything i've cursed about singapore.. it's not that i've changed all my views but it's damn childish to think that everyone is the same and ur country sucks. coz seriously. we're damn lucky that we were born here and not some other havoc place. and everyone is different. just so happens that every once in a while, a bunch of idiots choose to aggregate in a bus stop. it's not coz of the army which has made me more.. patriotic.. or less narrow minded towards singapore. i'd already been transforming my views.. and even more so now. i still see the good and the bad. but there are assholes every where u go and everywhere has it's own set of problems. the grass prob always seems greener on the other side.. but when u step over.. u start to see the shit between the blades.. and u know u're stepping into somewhere where u dont belong..

3) please! do NOT be a know it all in front of me. coz i cant tahan know it alls. coz NOBODY knows it all. i am not going to go into too long a rant, coz this is a topic as old as the hills and has pissed me off for as long as i can remember. just when u think a lesson is learnt.. bullshit. it isnt. and it's not disappointment coz i cant even care at all. it's just a huge load of annoyance. trust me. i know more on this one. so dont come give me some lecture and sound so damn indignant. it's the stupid ego thing. just STOP all that arrogance. it's bullshit you know. people always use that reverse psycho thing. they openly tell people that they're insecure but inside they're proud of the fact that they are in a weird sense. i cant really explain it. this front that people put up gives them a crap load of pride and at the end of the day if you lack the humility to break through that and be honest with urself.. u can NEVER.. never be to be put it lamely. a good human being. of coz that is only my opinion.. and of course.. even though i sound like such an idiot here.. i can put this across in a much nicer manner.. just that thinking of some things have made me get mad all over again. so i may be wrong i may be right. i dont care. am not asking anyone to agree or read this. so if u dont wanna read this.. GO AWAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

4) four. what is there more to say. yes. i am very confused. and then i go for something. and then im sure. and then i get confused again. this point. about the saf. i am not gonna elaborate. because why. because when u do speak about it certain people dont get a crap but they pretend they get a crap and actually try to educate u that they have much idea of crap than u know but that's bullshit. and for me this matter is very personal. i will speak to it maybe to my close female friends. but also not much coz talkign about this the entire time is just so damn isolating. so these thoughts i shall keep to myself and keep my highs and lows and my confusions and torture myself inwardly. hurray that is so damn fun.

sigh. why do i sound so angry everytime i type! i am actually quite a gentle.. ok scrap that word. u cant associate that with me. i am actually a very ___ person. really. too much in fact. and it's not that i try to be that way. it's just a personality trait. which is a negative thing sometimes. but that never does come across.. esp here i guess.. coz i type when im either frustrated/angry/sad. so.. sigh. whatever. i dont care.

:'(

get a hold..
get it clear..
clear about things which are just totally ridiculous and will never be!

it's quite hilarious it really is..
yet quite sad
even though it's nothing
but really. sigh.

let the mind speak more on this one

im crazy im crazeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
more on that later... (:

im just feeling.. damn jaded now. it's funny how things can change so fast within a week. it's not that this week sucked. it was tiring but good in it's own ways. it's just for some damn stupid reasons. and arghhhhhhh... i hope.. results just come out and shove urself into my face, so i can really see.. some image of what my future might be like..

one thing that really pisses me off.. irony man.. when someone is being damn freaking ironical saying one thing.. but in fact doing another.. i dont understand why people cant see what the heck they really are like.. and just take away that arrogance.. that facade.. there's always a limit to my patience.. but i will hang in there.. i dont wanna say anything i regret.. and actually.. i know i wont. coz i have discovered.. that i am actually a rather nice person in that sense.. it just really isnt in my character to go search for stupid conflicts which are so damn un-needed.. and i really dont want to either.. so.. MOVING ON..

what a HORRIBLE start to this entry.. anyways. i cant believe it. but i was actually happy yesterday. yes happy. happy. happy. i am trying to let that word sink in.. i dont think a person can be fully happy.. maybe still a few things here and there.. but what the heck man.. booking out on sat and not fri was just.. damn good.. it gave me time to gather my thoughts.. relax.. and just enjoy the environment in all its.. peacefulness.. which is so uncommon.. and this week has been.. i realised that i cant use the word bad anymore. coz nothing really is bad. there's too much positives to take out from everything.. even if it sucked like hell or whatever.. i can only say that this week has been pretty interesting.. :) im glad it happened.. but im glad it's over.. hahaa

i have a few million thoughts.. which shall be posted in my head.. mmm so anyway on a completely unrelated topic.. some idiot in the newpaper yesterday dissed shearer.. albeit cautiously.. but he still did.. and i actually wasnt really pissed. coz im so used to it. sure.. he's not the crazy amazing player he used to be.. but he's just evolved into another sort of player.. and whatever he lacks in the skill and pace he used to have.. he more than makes up for it in his presence.. something which wont be around for much more :( he had two assists yesterday dammit!!!!! u dont always need to score a crapload of goals to prove ur worth.. although that would be damn good too..

i feel like.. and i know that a lot is expected of me.. it adds to my stress.. but freaking man. i discovered that i can be damn calm in the face of stress.. i have actually discovered something positive. it's amazing. but i am honoured.. that the expectation is high.. i just really dont wanna disappoint people.. and myself.. and i still dread so many things.. ok man.. i shall just try my hardest at everything...

am going to church soon.. and the pastor today.. many memories.. bad memories.. good memories are flooding back.. i hope today's sermon will speak to me.. sigh.. we'll see.. adios for another week..

You scored as Sociology. You should be a Sociology major! Sociology 92% Theater 75% English 67% Journalism 67% Mathematics 58% Philosophy 58% Psychology 58% Art 58% Linguistics 58% Anthropology 50% Biology 33% Dance 33% Engineering 17% Chemistry 0% What is your Perfect Major? (PLEASE RATE ME!!<3) created with QuizFarm.com

interesting.

today was very interesting.

this week has been.. testing at times.. quite sad at times.. damn good at times.. i think im growing. i hope i am. and i can actually reach that level where.. all these doubts just no longer destabilize me.. and i can actually be.. like.. really ding ding ding....

im writing now.. just to keep up signs that i am indeed alive..

but.. i realize i really have nothing to say. i dont want to talk about things here.. coz i just think.. i shouldnt. and i just dont like it. thanks hazel if u're reading this.. for talking.. if not i might just kill myself with all these many million thoughts..

there's so much to say.. but yet nothing to say at all.. i dont even know what im doing man.. all the annoyance, anger, and yet joy and hope.. i dont give a shit what the life over there seems, coz things are very different for me.. here.

sigh. i just really have nothing to say anymore.

just when i think it's over... shit man.

there's nothing else i can say other than SHIT man.

SHIT

line just told me that confidence doesnt come from proving anything to urself.. but trusting that the Lord has plans for you.. and just.. trusting. i want to write that here coz i dont ever wanna forget that

shit to do:
1) notice
2) jour
3) pack + time
4) go church. yes this also must remember.
5) uni
6) adrian the irritant
7) T

sigh.

so.. wow. i have so many thoughts. but i cant write them down.. coz there're things that just cannot be said.. in so many ways.. and i dont like to comment in such a well.. public area.. so there.

fear. fear sucks.
but im damn grateful.
acceptance and understanding is the real challenge.

O me! O life! of the questions of these recurring.
Of the endless trains of the faithless, of cities fill'd with the foolish.
Of myself forever reproaching myself, (for who more foolish than I, and who more faithless?)
Of eyes that vainly crave the light, of the objects mean, of the struggle ever renew'd.
Of the poor results of all, of the plodding and sordid crowds I see around me,
Of the empty and useless years of the rest, with the rest me intertwined,
The question, O me! so sad, recurring -- What good amid these, O me, O life?
Answer That you are here--that life exists and identity,
That the powerful play goes on, and you may contribute a verse.

walt whitman

in regards to my last post on jan 2.. i would say things have changed. it's not that i feel differently but i've just realised some things.. and.. there's no point thinking so negatively about things and complaining about shit. coz at the end of the day.. when u sign up for something.. u should be ready for all the negatives and shit and accept it as the whole part of the 'package'. and i guess what doesnt break u.. will make u stronger. very lame. but true.

ok. i actually had a lot of things to say and wanted to type some super long thing.. but i have no time at all.. still gotta pack and finish my stupid apps. and dont even have any time really to _____________________________. fill in the blanks coz i dont even know what they are. i cant even think now. my brains are fried and have sublimed or something. argh i dont care!

anyways one thing i wanted to say is.. the thing now. im most well.. which is bothering me the most. is the definite gender discrimination. my brother said it definitely exists, and guys see the girls as just being quite loserish. in a way i get where he's coming from coz i can be quite sexist sometimes. against my own sex. yes im a bit of an idiot. but im more of a reel life sexist, not a real life sexist. but i am NOT. for example, when there are shows on tv like some stupid reality things i always always support the guy and when the girl wins i get very grrrrr.. coz after they're all like we are female! we must unite against the men! and in my mind, im thinking, please, know ur place.

i know i am such an idiot! o my goodness. but that's because that is just damn idiotic. i wrote a gp essay once on eh.. feminism o yea are women their greatest enemy to achieving equality or something like that. i think it was for promos. and in this case yea. i think it's just all the females unite and girl power thing that pisses me off. but then again guys can be damn arrogant shits too. i dont care if im offending anyone coz IT'S all true, with an equal amount of insults thrown at both sides. so anyway i dont want to be treated like a fool and seen like a joke when im like dying or something but my bro said just get used to it, so ok i will suck it up.

it does piss me off a lot though when guys say girls cannot do this that blah. and shit coz they think they're so united in their testosterone and machoness. but then again girls also say shit like that about guys who are perceived to be much less sensitive and intelligent creatures. i shall not make any personal comments on that.

but i definitely prefer girl friends to guy friends. girl friends are just.. the best really. NOT girlfriends. girl SPACE friends. guys can be friendswith girls. but there's always just something there would prevents them from being close. it's just the gender thing. it's hard to get close coz there's always that bridge. and once u cross it.. there will be trouble. anyway i so digress.

(in ref to the top) SUCH IDIOTS. but i understand. but i dont. and it's still idiotic any way, just like i was. and im pissed argh.

but everyone i know like friends and all i love u i love u i love u!!!!!! well most.. but still FORGIVE ME FOR MY OUTBURST!!!!!!!

you know what. im just gonna go about my own business and do what i have to do. and if i look like a damn idiot or seem like one. that's fine with me. coz i know im more than that. and whatever u think.. UP YOURS man seriously. grrrr.

anyways i promised dee and meixi something.. to take pictures of my hair after i chopchopCHOPED it off a few days ago. so there... whoa my pictures are taking damn long to upload my head must be damn big. full of air man. o my goodness they are still not ready! let me clarify something. i have not become one of those people who aim their cameras at themselves and take shots of their faces at every angle and when they get the perfect shots put them up. no offence to anyone. great for u if that's what u like to do. but it's not what i like to do and i think i better keep the rest of my opinions to myself. this is for dee and meixi and for memory's sake coz i am going to look even shittier.. hahahaaa.. hurray.








o man i seem to have become such a vain shit. but i am not! i just have a terrible OCD, and i must do all angles. just like if i tap on something with my right hand i must do the same number of times with my left and with the same amount of strength or i will always use my fingers to join sticking out polka dot thingies for example those things on like bus faces or walls or whatever and if i miss something i will piss myself off and i must do it again twice in the next round. and shit like that. so yes! ahhhhhhhhhh

sigh. enjoy the rest of the hols man everyone (: take care!

i wanted to talk about a lot of things.. but i dont want to anymore.

i think im getting sick. shit man. my throat is damn pain. please pray for me.
shit. of all times. really.

just in a damn crappy mood today. the day has been bad. the week has been bad. i wish i could rewind to the start of this week and make different choices.. maybe even 1 year.. 2 years.. things would have been so DAMN different.

i dont think i can ever leave it behind. it's something which will stick with me forever and never leave. shit man. i really hate saying shit nowadays coz i realise how idiotic i sound but i just cant find any other way to convey.. my anger and annoyance.

:(

i think everything that i've just wanted to say.. i've said to danielle.. thanks man u b___ shaker, b___twitcher. hahahaa. eh. dont want to paiseh you, so.. u can fill in ur own blanks (: but yea.. that's good coz i dont want to talk about it here. it's just.. not right to me personally. weird huh. but i cant explain it. for me that's just one of the things which i cannot and wont blog about.

so anyway. my mind is empty. actually no it's damn full now. i suddenly thought of the odacers in penang. sigh was kinda looking forward to that but nvm. hope things are good (: mmmm... ok man reminder to self

1) shit writing (i and b)
2) buy buy buy
3) danielle's msg. hahaa
4) 1.2.3t