Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.
Ephesians 4:29
whenever i see verses like this.. i go hmmm.. then i start to regret/feel ashamed about a lot of things. and after 5 mins.. ok time to collect laundry.. time to zone out.. (this occus 99.9% of the time).. time to go back to feeling stressed bout my shitty grades.. i guess.. in a way.. religon doesnt come easy.. well.. ok faith doesnt come easy.. i dont know how to put it across.. but it needs some effort.. effort to do QT.. effort to go to church no matter what.. effort to remember things.. and esp.. an effort to stick up for you believe right by religon...
but anyways.. i always feel like i can never talk to God. like.. really know u're talking. honestly.. when things are so busy and ok.. he slips out of my mind completely.. and when im dying (like now) he suddenly comes back in.. and ahhh.. will prayer help this time.. i dont know.. praying is seriously like talking.to.the.wall. only that even the wall isnt present.. so it's kinda like the air...
i think.. im a very ungrateful person.. towards the Lord. i was thinking of the many times in my life where it seems that something impossible.. became possible. sometimes i would want to put them down to.. it's just that sometimes in life shit happens.. and good stuff happens..
let's see somethings i can recount...
(1) going for overseas camps twice.. despite complete lack of $$$...
(2) surviving sec 4
(3) being a shit student in jc.. but still somehow managing to do s paper.. which i failed. but by then it didnt matter :D
(4) being a shit student still.. but yet managing to get the As results that i needed.. and prove some people wrong.. YES.. but that's just my inner childishness speaking.. most importantly.. it gave me what i wanted..
(5) somehow finding a 'direction'.. getting past first round interview into army.. and then eventually finding my service and getting a scholarship..
and.. there're a lot of other things i realise.. which will not be written down... and even out of all the bad.. i mean.. if not for that shit i wont be where i was today either.. it's so easy to look at someone else's life and go crap. that person is so lucky or whatever.. but im just being a complete fool. i do count my blessings.. but on few occasions.. how the heck did i.. with no cash.. with crap grades.. with zero saka-ing skills.. (i thank god i had zero. or i cant live with myself) end up today in the US in a dorm typing this when every second, they are draining the money out of my sponsors.. amazing.
now im here.. im like.. o why is my uni blah blah blah.. why is my life blah blah blah coz of me.. but why is theirs blah blah blah... (what a seriously singaporean sounding sentence.. and whoa someone just let out a massive groan from somewhere.. very interesting).. but i believe.. i was put here for a reason.. my studies have been shit for a reason.. just like.. my career choice.. despite seemingly clashing with my personality a little.. has been chosen for a reason.. so.. everything will work out in the end... right? :D
sigh. as i face an insurmountable mountain of crap ahead.. like really.. am so dead.. i guess i just have to trust and believe.. that i can do it.. i know people back in sg are praying for me.. they have been all along.. and esp since i went into army.. so yea.. ha. i should go pray too.. sigh.. ok back to this impossible term paper.. i have just mapped out a crazy course of study.. yea despite my shit grades now i still have time to do that. i am such a retard. let's just see what God wants for me...
on a completely unrelated note.. there is someting wrong with my room. it's drugged or something.. every time outside i feel find.. but when i sit down on this chair.. my head starts to feel DAMN woozy.. super headache.. and my eyelids are very heavy.. im not kidding this is not a psychological thing.. i dont nkow if it's coz im beside the heater.. sigh. but it kills me. there must be drugs in the air. seriously :( :( :(
one more thing i learnt recently too.. u really are learning the entire time.. constantly.. there're so many lessons to be learnt in life. it's how much u wanna absorb.. remember.. or are willing to humble yourself to realise.. i learnt that.. i really need to keep my emotions in check. when i think i am.. im not.. sigh. calm down.
so anyways one last thing (ha. i think this is just a massive excuse not to go back to the reality of doing work. but it's ok. i like it. i hate how i regret blogging everytime i finish. but STOP IT WEILYNNN!!!!!! such an idiot really. yea. i have become so lonely that i talk to myself now.. alot.. no.. just kidding.. ok STOP. argh.
so yea. some people have been complaining.. commenting that my blog is pathetic at updating my life.. others have said that they're looking forward to seeing my pictures when i come back to singapore. unfortunately to that i can say.. i have none -_-. yea i bought a freaking lumix and i have 4 pictures of autumn leaves. not taken by me. so i decided to satisfy both groups of people with a few pictures.. and i even asked my roommate to help me take 2. one is dedicated to danielle. another i hope.. will satisfy people so much so that the requests to take pictures of my actual face. will decrease. and with this hope.. i shall post these...
my table... well.. ok other than the autumn leaves.. this and the next 2 were taken a while ago...
the SPLENDID view from my window.. hahaa but that's ok (:
my room.. as of 2 months ago.. well my side that is.. th sheets are now blue.. i have a miniature fan.. and a dark blue comforter.. no i hate blue. but i didnt wanna get black. too depressing.
(: one of the best gifts ever...
if u see your stuff on my shelf.. either.. i was too lazy to put it anywhere.. or u are very much treasured.. (: (: (:
dee/sarah/meixi.. i think i used to do this to one of u in vj.. or all of u.. with hand semi-rotating from side to side..
AND NOW FOR THE FINALE...
dee this is for u.. ur common face.. somehow. u look way better.. and sigh. something which i regret taking already..
PS: grace and nette and alicia.. the cd u guys gave me is on my shelf.. but hidden.. i just rmembered its existence.. thank u.. i am so undeserving.
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