anyways. i just read a friend's small tiny rant on the sacred - il quattordici febbraio -. hurhurhuhhhh. valentine's day. no it is not very bello at all. it's feb 14 right? im doing a language now and a while ago there was an online quiz which requires u to answer the date in this particular language. stunned. seriously. cannot remember. i thought it might be feb 4.. feb 24.. feb 28.. somewhere along those lines. o wait.
i dont know man... ooo yea that's next wednesday. i have a test on thursday.. that will be fun. yes! heh.. to me my first reaction is... that is just such a corny day. or celebration of 'love'. or whatever it is. ive thought this over... and i was wondering.. whether there are feelings of 'denial' as msn.com puts it very stupidly in a relatively lame article. i suddenly have the urge to go to the bathroom.. all right. i shall ponder this question on vday in the cubicle. how apt.
apparently my time in the cubicle has just produced... nothing much. take it as you will. but... i dont know. maybe i just find it corny because i can be quite cold, unresponsive, and even greatly turned off by the mushy-ness of 'romance'. maybe to me... even though i realise how old we are.. and how quick we're growing up and gonna hit the big 3-0 in a couple of days time.. (yea. directly surpassing the depressing 2-0)... we're still kids. and that makes the idea of 'romance'.. that much more of a fallacy.. it does make me a little sick when i see all these mushy, corny nics of devotion to people, or in sg, when you see 2 people hand in hand, the girl.. or guy for that matter.. holding a huge bouquet of flowers when they barely look past puberty.
when i see a guy and girl around.. on campus.. my first reaction is usually.. are you kidding me. this wont last. but then i think how cute they look together... i really feel so ostracised from being a human. a member of the female race. and i mean this seriously. i look at situations from the point of an... ameoba. hahaa. i dont know.. "love" (i had to consider 30 seconds before typing that) in the romantic sense.. is so far removed... but at the same time.. seems to be meant for everyone out there. and sometimes.. it can even be.. real. but it's rare. i think. the real thing is. coz some other things.. are just so damn stupid
the above doesnt apply to my friends who are attached.. those few who are married.. because im just a ameoba expressing my childish thoughts on this complicated... yet so simple issue. my roommate came back last last night dead drunk. and when i say dead drunk.... i mean it. even though we get on really well... it was quite disturbing for me. quite scary. this event does have something to do with the above... but i shall not go into that.
i remember back in good ole' mgs... vday was kinda like.. wow. coming to school to find a table of presents of friendship... which i really did appreciate though. and in jc... it was getting flowers for the guys. i dont know. i think it'll still never mean nothing. i dont believe in... certain things a lot anymore. and not because of that... 1 'mistake'... but because of many many things which have happened and ive seen. my human life has ceased to exist. although i admit i still hold onto that.. kinda.. 1 last breath of hope. to put it dramatically.
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i got a HUGE charge that day for my housing... to fork out such a huge amount at one time... it's a bit of a blow coz i have to save like hell now. but then again if im complaining i really am an ungrateful piece of ____ who should stuff my head down the toilet. it's just the amount that left me stunned. when u're earning ur own cash... you realise it's really that much more difficult to spend... i fight back and forth over it in my mind... on a small cup of coffee. but really. things are not cheap.
i was talking to hazel yesterday. things might be more settled. i might be making friends. but some things are still going down the drain.. and there's never a moment i dont miss people back home. shall end by putting up some random pictures.. which are random.. but not really.
i have been thinking of something a lot recently.. and there is someone i miss a lot... but i cant find that one picture... that i gave it to her... i know... it's still in her room. i saw it. and it hasnt changed its position... and i guess even though i dont have it.. memory is good enough. that was a lesson to me. how precious some things are. but.. to realise something is one thing... and to act on it is another.
HAHAHAHAAAAA. still cracks me up everytime
looking back.. ive never regretted going to vj.. it was different that's for sure.. and how fast those 2 years past.. makes me really sad i didnt treasure it more back then. hazel was pointing out we were 17 when we went in. imagine. 17 years old. how long ago that seems...
such a long long time ago... everyone looked so young...
i think this is my favorite picture of myself.. disregarding the fact that i dont have many to choose from. because... i dont think ive ever looked so happy.. or will like that. this was the period before. i still think i look retarded. but that is besides the point.. and.. i like how my tie is so damn messy. in regards to being a prefect... in sec school... there was just too much bs that i couldnt stand. and i treat my job seriously... i always do... but i refuse to go along with things which are just stupid and i dont agree with... or to behave in a certain way to advance myself. i wear the tie willingly. but with a refusal to bs.
some guys who i really will never forget.. to most of them they might have just been serving a mandatory period.. unwillingly or not.. and to them i might have just been some siao charbo.. but im so grateful for the experience.. that they gave me. some other day i'll write about this...
i hate sundays. i hate sundays coz i get so damn homesick and it's the day before school.
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