i should be happy. we've just had two days of school cancelled. and because i missed 2 classes on monday due to certain holey jeans emergencies and missed tues and wed killer days, i only have 3 classes this week. when. when will this ever happen again.
answer: next year. i hope. fingers cross cross croxxxx.
ok. maybe not so serious. but still. i feel very old now. like freaking 1 million. vday has flown by without leaving any trace on my life. o no that sentence sounded bitter. not at all. just that seeing some pictures made me miss friends... 2 days have flown by with just an occasion of frostbite. last night. i was out in the snow knee-deep for so damn long. with converse sneakers ankle socks jeans. when i came back my legs and feet were completely red. numb. itchy. swollen. the last one gave me a small heart attack. my heart skipped a few beats but returned to normal with the disappearance of aforementioned symptoms. i would include a picture. but right now.. i dont want to spoil the somber mood of this post.
i dont know why everytime i have some free time. i get homesick. actually i know. but. it's just an expression. i really do honestly believe that the best years.. have just flashed by, unappreciated by me. and ahead... just lies more stress, more worries, which come with the whole package of growing up. i might habour some excitement, and maybe some thoughts that i can make something out of my life. but right now.. that just isnt coming through that much.
it just really seems that everyone has moved on... denise and camillia have moved on from the IUD incident, my primary school best friend has moved on from hamburger juice and cartwheels, manda has moved on from being an awkward female leaving me behind, maggot has moved on to ireland, friends have gone to NUS, joined different things, met different people, and i have too... moved so far away.
i cant imagine what it would be like to meet people again. i am quite extremely sure i have a mental problem. secretly, i harbour a love for acting. and sometimes. i act out these situations to myself. i might be kidding. or not. but whatever it is. i was thinking about it in the bus. i think i was thinking of hazel. and tears welled up in my eyes. it just seems like it's not going to happen. and i dont know.. i worry that connections will be lost. is my life destinied to only be full of guys. NOT in the romantic sense. from here on? no way man. i wont accept that.
im keeping this dreamlog right now for psychology. and i've been having weird dreams/nightmares everyday. i think line has a quote something like only in our dreams are we truely awake. or something like that. i think it works for me. ive been dreaming my brother is a murderer, and i have to warn fiona xie about it. ive been dreaming of my career... a lot. actually.. it's quite hilarious. coz i have to record them IMMEDIATELY when i wake up. and you know how you always awake in a semi-conscious state. here is an example. my goodness.. i just read it over.. have no idea what the hell im saying:
Had an extremely long dream, but only remember the end. was hanging out with a girl who is here too and from singapore. the scene played over quite a few times in different ways. basically she told me she had been living in teh states since she was born and i felt some 'suspicion' and 'disagreement' when she mentioned how good the food, drink and movie etc here were. we also bought milkshakes from a store... many times. also, i dreamt of 2 guys who were actually hosts/celebs themselves, they were bitten by a fan of a huge korean superstar whom they were showing around. the girl in question was physically/mentally handicapped, but very pity"
ok. what the hell was i saying especially the last part?! terrible. terrible english. maybe i meant pitiful. maybe i meant pretty. i cant even remember. since i dont feel like sleeping. i shall type more for self-amusement.
"I had dreams and nightmares completely different one following the other. in the last one which i remember most vividly, i came "home" one day to find my father worrying that my brother would be killed sooner or later because he had just killed 2 more people (apparently all these people were bad and were making attempts to end his life). He killed them when they tried to track him down at home, and my dad had to put their bodies in a bag for the police to take away. the girl (the other was a boy) was a local celeb from back home whom we knew. we went for a dinner and later to a police shootout scene (yea even though she was dead. somehow it became her brother that was dead now). we saw how coolly the police handled 2 pretty assassins. when my brother went ot the toilet, i went to find the girl, told her i needed to talk to her about her brother (i wanted to find out how much she knew to protect mine). my brother scolded me coz he said she did not know at all that he was the killer and i was exposing him"
what the hell man. sigh. doesnt even make sense. and in semi-consciousness. i have revealed what a poor command of the language i have.
ive been thinking a lot about kristin too recently. i dont know why. and am getting kinda upset over that. maybe it's just starting to become a reality for me a couple of years down the road.
i was thinking of putting the pic of being knee deep in snow up. but maybe another time. because im in it. i have to think a lot more carefully. plus it's my virgin attempt at wearing gloves. extremely shy about that.
(edited: words removed to protect privacy... resulting in this "no link" paragraph...) i really dislike my name. t--- is geeky cool alone. and after all it is my dad's surname. w-- l--- is not that bad coz i like the combination. but together. o man. im sick of being called w-- l---, t---
or even worse wei. or even even worse...
i am not wei toog. although i have no doubt wei toog is a great person. this was supposed to be serious.. but the mood has taken an unexpected twist. shall keep my seriousness for another day.shiver and goodnight.
note to self: rubbish leg, popo, the green.
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