-

there's nothing that irks me more than seeing/hearing people flirt.
it just fills me with disgust.
i dont know why.

since when has society become so open.
or am i just being left way behind.

happyyyyyyyyyy.

OMG IM SO HAPPY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
HAHAHAHAAAHAHAHAA!!!!
OVER SOMETHING SOOOOO SOOOOOO SMALLLLLLLLLLLLLL...
BUT YET IT MEANS SO MUCH!!!!!!

i cant believe i finally mustered up some courage.... AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
why does the word mustered look weird?!?! or is it mastered?!?! crapppp i dont care!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

the moment i stepped out onto the quad...
just wanted to jump and shout and scream and smile like a piece of crap..
but couldnttttttttt. had to blend in with normal students who raise discussion points normally.

SO I"LL DO IT HERE!!!!!
YES YES YESSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

sigh im such an idiot such an idiot but dont care!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

BLEURGH

i swear never to cook ever again.
or eat again.
i dont think i could touch food again ever.
MAN. ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

goodsense stomach relief is the WORST SHIT ive tasted in my life. MAN. appearances are deceiving.
it looks like some nice pink colour (actually that should be the first sign of suspicion...)
and it smells like rootbeer...
but when u put that shit into your mouth and it flows down ur throat...

MANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i feel like puking even more.

STOMACH RELIEF?!?!
I will be DAMN RELIEVED when im done drinking this crap. 2 tablespoons every half hour interval for freaking FOUR HOURS!!!!
noooooooooooo.....
and i am turning into a whinny piece of crap.
noooooooooooooooooo...

all right... i feel it rising... off to puke again...

book

a book to reccomend...

still aliv- by ruth klug-r
(sorry bout the hyphens. do not wanna be googled and am applying primitive IT knowledge. replace - with e)

it arouses a... spectrum of emotions let's just put it this way.
and not just sentimental bullshit. which the author hates.
but at the same time... you dont just blindly accept what she says.
but question it. some of her words might... for the lack of a better word... annoy you. but... it's just a very very honest and insightful read...

and i dont think ive been so... emotional at the end of it as i have been by any other.
not only because she talks of her persecution with regards to being a Jew and the holocaust.
there's no sympathy involved here.
but the epilogue. speaking as a human being here.
just makes you feel sad.

:(:(:(

am dead. am really really dead.
more sad actually. sigh. how.

please. let it work out. :(

-

i hate comas.

thoughts at 430 in the morn...

i realise that im an ass for when i choose to bring up the past.
or hang on to it in ____-____ and even though self is refusing to let go still end up shifting the blame.
u only become a victim of yourself?
maybe sometimes.

so yeah. we all gotta move on. so... move on it is.

best western ive seen

3:10 to yuma is one of the best movies ive watched in a damn long time.

when i was young i used to be very on about action movies... having a brother and all.
but my taste has turned a bit grandmotherish as ive grown older... into documentaries and sentimental meaningful weird stuff.

but wow. i really liked this show... weird coz it's a western... but there's damn good action. and of course... that sentimental bit. but my male er... counterparts werent as impressed as i was. weird. so i guess that means... girls go check it out!!!! not sure if it's opened in sg though... ok shafy go check it out! hahaa (:

if you wanna talk screen presence... christian bale is the man to look for.

bloody fools.

racism wil always be present.
was gonna delve into some more bullshit.
wait is that even how you spell delve. or is there such a word. or is it dive. let's check out dictionary.com
o right delve is a word indeed. i guess it's 1 of those words you say way more than you write.

BUT anyway. yeah.
i just... i cannot tolerate... racist fools.

you know. i can reach out my hand and laugh and hide like a bloody idiot
and im damn sure i can outslam you and your stapler dammit.

sigh. pissed off like hell. but... for what?
i really am an idiot.

cook cook cook!!!!!!

MY NEW AMBITION IS TO BE A DAMN GOOD COOK!!!!!

cooked for the first time in my life 2 days ago on my own directions...
noodle... ok fine instant mee... BUT with cabbage bought from last sat from farmers' market.. (SHIT! it feels damn good to be housewifeish) fresh from the fields of illinois! and chicken which i bought from walmart!! AH HA HA!!!!
BUT it was bland as hell. dunno why.

but i tried again today. and... AHH!! CAN MAKE IT!!!!!!!!

getting my mother to rapidly email me recipes.
sigh. damn. freaking domesticated man.
but somehow am... liking it...
now if only...

hahahahahahaaaa

sigh. i am retarded.

COOK COOK COOK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

if i gather some guts... things might be looking up...

Your dating personality profile: Intellectual - You consider your mind amongst your assets. Learning is not a chore but a constant search after wisdom and knowledge. You value education and rationality. Traditional - Modern culture does not move you. You hold traditional values dear to your heart. Big-Hearted - You are a kind and caring person. Your warmth is inviting, and your heart is a wellspring of love.

Your date match profile: Religious - You seek someone who is grounded in faith and who possesses religious values. You believe that a religious person can enhance your life. Practical - You are drawn to people who are sensible and smart. Flashy, materialistic people turn you off. You appreciate the simpler side of living. Shy - You are put off by people who are open books. You are drawn to someone who is a bit more mysterious. You want to draw him out of his shell and get to know what he is all about.

Your Top Ten Traits 1. Intellectual 2. Traditional 3. Big-Hearted 4. Wealthy/Ambitious 5. Shy 6. Religious 7. Liberal 8. Romantic 9. Sensual 10. Practical

Your Top Ten Match Traits 1. Religious 2. Practical 3. Shy 4. Funny 5. Conservative 6. Traditional 7. Intellectual 8. Big-Hearted 9. Athletic 10. Sensual

Take the Online Dating Profile Quiz at Dating Diversions

Disorder	Rating
Paranoid Personality Disorder:	Low
Schizoid Personality Disorder:	Low
Schizotypal Personality Disorder:	Moderate
Antisocial Personality Disorder:	Low
Borderline Personality Disorder:	Low
Histrionic Personality Disorder:	Low
Narcissistic Personality Disorder:	Low
Avoidant Personality Disorder:	High
Dependent Personality Disorder:	High
Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder:	High
-- Take the Personality Disorder Test -- -- Personality Disorder Info --

The Dante's Inferno Test has sent you to the First Level of Hell - Limbo!
Here is how you matched up against all the levels:

Level	Score
Purgatory (Repenting Believers)	High
Level 1 - Limbo (Virtuous Non-Believers)	Very High
Level 2 (Lustful)	Low
Level 3 (Gluttonous)	Low
Level 4 (Prodigal and Avaricious)	Very Low
Level 5 (Wrathful and Gloomy)	Low
Level 6 - The City of Dis (Heretics)	Very Low
Level 7 (Violent)	Low
Level 8- the Malebolge (Fraudulent, Malicious, Panderers)	Low
Level 9 - Cocytus (Treacherous)	Very Low

Take the Dante's Inferno Hell Test

the best example of irony

i was trying to get some slp yesterday night when someone msged me at 245 and asked me how things were going and what's up for the weekend.

i told person in question what i was going to be doing... which im pretty happy about... other than having a shitload of things to catch up on now.. was gonna be doing some stuff with friends.. going to this farmer's market thing... which i think is damn cool with friends i havent caught up with in some time... and then catch a film and have dinner at this great place... and for once... im kinda genuinely looking forward to the weekend not just for a break from school.

but when i got the reply... person said... that it didnt "sound very refreshing or productive... you know what i think? you should really do more of what you want to do rather than what other people want you to do. party hard for a change... get drunk and have some fun with friends."

i was really kinda surprised. and it really did annoy me a bit... i dont want to elaborate further other than... there's a shitload of irony in there.

-----------------------------

i actually kinda enjoyed myself today. maybe things might be looking up.
-----------------------------

am listening to a song and there's a line that goes

zai wo xin shang yong li de kai yi qiang

meaning like... shoot my heart damn freaking hard. hahaa...
but i dont know... i just love that line. love it.

i really love how chinese can just really... express things...
wish mine was better.

mu

just so happened to come across this yesterday
it's hilarious. ronan keating just kills me.
but... i love it.
have a soft spot for boyzone...
and anything old school man. damn classic :D

remember when i first saw this vid.
during some excursion in pri sch to some library to do some funny IT thing.
i think that was the first time i realised guys existed for some reason (not thanks to the vid) coz before my bro didnt count.
scary shit.
but ahhhhh... what memories...
we really are getting old.

it shows

sometimes you wonder whether you're being a bit harsh

but when shit hits the fan
true feelings are really shown
that selfishness
and unfortunately you were right

so why is there still disappointment
man. things are just so damn superficial.

no puke

overheard someone saying
"the spider weaved a few eggs in my leg"
today when i was eating.

prob too much food in her mouth and too mch crap in my ears
but shit i think that's one of the most disgusting things i've heard ever.
i know it's only a spider. and eggs. and like a body part.
but that's a freaking damn lethal combination...

eeeeeeyyyyyyyerrrrrrrr arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!

bought the chair and it cost me 20 more than the original price DAMMIT.
actually in sg terms it's bout 30 bucks more.... shit. :(

nike lied

the term ahead looks impossible.

T square.

im watching an american pbs frontline documentary on the tiananmen square incident.
which of course produced the famous picture of that one chinese guy apparently standing in defiance in front of the tanks.















and all i can think is...
you know people kinda tend to believe what they hear...
that's how propaganda works.
and often from such a one-sided point of view.
but the world is so damn retarded and human beings stupid as hell
that it often isn that way.
im not saying that nothing happened and it's all bullshit
coz it's a clear violation of human rights..
but i just dont really kinda favour the approach given to it... or any other thing for that matter.

so im hearing in this documentary... well... it is american.
things like... he must have been thinking... he must have said this...
and... i dont know man...
have become extremely cynical and er... unbelieving in the things people say (or so i say now. bet im still naive as crap). there's such a thin line drawn between fact and personal opinion... YES. that's it. it's human nature to put things across how you want it to be... no matter how much u pride urself on being objective.

crap i dont know how to put my thoughts across.
GAH.
actually. i think the best selfish thing to do is
not give a shit. not give a shit and ur world will be a better place.
or maybe... give a shit when u can do something about it.
but those are 2 screwed up responses too...
to give a shit or not!!!!
i think yes... but maybe under the control of emotions and without thinking bout crap like this day and night.
okok we must.

just looked at my schedule for the semester ahead
it's crazy. crazy crazy. very disgusting indeed. i really need to study abroad.
ahhh.
screwed man.

--------------------------------------------

DAMMIT THE CHAIR I'VE BEEN WANTING TO BUY FOR 2 WEEKS BUT HAVENT DUE TO PROCRASTINATION HAS INCREASED BY FREAKING 20 USD!!!!!!!!!
)!@(&(!*@$)!@#*_!
i think i'll just lie on my floor and study/use my laptop for the rest of my time overseas.
ARGHHHHHHHHHHHH
DUN PROCRASTINATE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

wah lao. im damn... cik kek man.
u know that singaporean expression.
but i just dont know how to type it out.
like dialect for damn annoyed or something.

sometimes i think i really should cut back on all my singaporean slangs...
too many wah laos and stuff.
and maybe cut back on more... eh.. for lack of a better word. unlady like terms like screwed and shit and hell and things like that... which i try to replace with crap when im typing. but actually... im thinking of something else.
coz it makes everything sound so... bad.

but i cant! coz the expression is just different.
all right. unladylike it shall be.
dont think anyone expects the opposite anyway.

-

it's the small things that matter.
it's so like... mixed and disappointing and... effortless.
not in the sense that it's easy. but in the sense that... no effort will make a difference.
which ends up making one a fool.
waiting out.
a complete fool.

i have the itch to blog at times...
coz you just need to get some crap out.
but i hate it.
coz if there's nothing positive to say i really should just shut the hell up.

das

before...



kinda after... minus eh... a printer and bin... and small mess...





yeah it's massive. to me at least. but...
it's pretty cold angry confused... yet comforting.
-----------------------------

really dun know what to do.