gah.

it's really difficult to blog.
coz you cant really say what you want to say.
and of course it's your problem for even setting up this weird thing and wanting to say whatever you wanna say in the first place and yet later complaining that you cant.

coz... brutal honesty is quite impossible...
you cant really reveal ur true thoughts with the knowledge that this is not private.
so more or less everything that comes out has gotta go through some filter.
and there are differences in filters too.
there's the... i really dont want people to know what im completely talking about so im just gonna leave out some shit/exclude some shit filter... through which posts usually come out more choppy and not so understandable.. but there's the other filter where... i actually want people to think that im being revealing and brutally honest and baring my soul to the world and if they want to judge me. they will. and of course they are going to judge me to be a person of excellent character because im being oh so 'brutally honest'. which leads to freaking contrived shit.

but there're prob other categories. but i cant be bothered to think or type something nice now. ive been wanting to blog bout a lot of things. but not really sure what to say. which ends up in me not saying anything. sigh. shit.

i dont know if im being too cynical. or even like... __________. but... u know. just screw it. i honestly think maybe im a person of not so good character or misguided in some way to think of things in this bs way. but. we'll see la. this kinda leads to something else i wanted to say... but shall just stop here first.