0302

what's wrong with me.

im supposed to reading a damn long article on anti-semitism and taking down notes
or going pit pat pit pat like hell.
and all i can do is think about the army and my buddies i miss
and listen to weird songs like xin bu liao qing.
wl... you have to stop being such an ass.

sometimes when i browse back to the shit i wrote in the past
i feel like giving myself a 1x good slap for being such an immature childish fool.
but then i guess things haven changed.
sometimes i walk alone..
taking in all the sights...
and think how 'far' ive come in life.. never for the life of me would i have expected
on the first freaking day i stepped into vj. the first time i'd seen so many guys in my life
and that scared the shit out of me
that i'd be doing what i am today.
and boy did i have people betting against me even going anywhere.
xin bu liao qing has to stop for a while. i cant multi task right now.

sigh. i realised that my blog suddenly comes to a halt for the long period of time i was in service.
there're so many things i want to say
so many people i want to see again whom i really miss
so many people i hope who are doing well...
but here i am stuck in my room listening to xin bu liao qing and typing this shit.
which is really really crap coz i dont know what im saying.
all i know is that im trying to fill up the time between deciding whether i should take a nap...
or read bout anti-semitism.
...
actually im lying to myself. it's whether i should take a nap or listen to more xin bu liao qing.
...
MAN! get a grip please.

my mind isnt here. it keeps drifting back to the a--y. why. why why why.
i wish i didnt think so much.
it kills me.
and it's a damn horrific murder.

my 0302 sect mates... i miss u guys so much all of a sudden.
i hate it. absolutely hate it sometimes when ppl talk about the a--y in such emotional terms because it's a profession... there's no place to be a cauldron of bubbling mixed emotions...
but... i cant help it.
you gave me an experience that... really was pretty life changing.
thanks.
any shit that came along or will come along...
it'll all be more than worth it.