AAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
shit.
Friday, June 29, 2007
Monday, June 25, 2007
lone cherry
ahhhhhhhhhhhhh........
the 'sweet' taste of the R
which actually never had any possibility of existing
why is it that what actually comes knocking..
is just freaking weird.
why.
i need to learn to keep my emotions and pride in check
when people dont take me seriously.
Sunday, June 24, 2007
heartbreaking.
haa.
the cruelty of it all...
heartbreakingly so...
sigh.
maybe it's... just been so long.
hahaa.
what a fantasy.
a lesson in the dangers of idealism
and how everything is not meant to be ever.
:(
the cruelty of it all...
heartbreakingly so...
sigh.
maybe it's... just been so long.
hahaa.
what a fantasy.
a lesson in the dangers of idealism
and how everything is not meant to be ever.
:(
Saturday, June 23, 2007
50 cents was all it took.
thank God for the invention of dispensers.
red alert.
saved the day man.
they are my new favourite machines.
why's it still on my mind?
but i dont dare to do anything about it... no way.
am getting a small whiff of the torture.
i wonder if it's possible for 2 completely different entities... to merge.
i guess keeping those links are way more important than any more neurotic concerns.
right?
i knew i was right somewhere in there...
it's just such a damn shitty situation and mindset that cant be reversed...
which i need to just pull away and separate myself from.
red alert.
saved the day man.
they are my new favourite machines.
why's it still on my mind?
but i dont dare to do anything about it... no way.
am getting a small whiff of the torture.
i wonder if it's possible for 2 completely different entities... to merge.
i guess keeping those links are way more important than any more neurotic concerns.
right?
i knew i was right somewhere in there...
it's just such a damn shitty situation and mindset that cant be reversed...
which i need to just pull away and separate myself from.
Friday, June 22, 2007
seahorse
at the end of the day...
i really love what i do.
this reaffirmation has been rejuvenating...
they still exist.
but it doesn matter.
superficial things can be worked on.
right.
we're getting there slowly
i really love what i do.
this reaffirmation has been rejuvenating...
they still exist.
but it doesn matter.
superficial things can be worked on.
right.
we're getting there slowly
Saturday, June 16, 2007
help
am trying to remove myself from search engines...
bao en the code thing doesnt work.
have edited posts and taken my name away...
but crap. still doesnt work.
help? someone?
if not im prob gonna re-do this.
bao en the code thing doesnt work.
have edited posts and taken my name away...
but crap. still doesnt work.
help? someone?
if not im prob gonna re-do this.
Saturday, June 09, 2007
KB
i wonder how many ------- one can take
there has to be a limit right
am on a damn good path to finding out the answer to this sickening question.
but the bigger one is why do i even give so much of a shit?
is it an internal or external factor
shit
i understand her transformation now
it seems almost inevitable
am kinda heading down the same path...
minus that particular vice
there has to be a limit right
am on a damn good path to finding out the answer to this sickening question.
but the bigger one is why do i even give so much of a shit?
is it an internal or external factor
shit
i understand her transformation now
it seems almost inevitable
am kinda heading down the same path...
minus that particular vice
Tuesday, June 05, 2007
blah
im gonna be staying in camp... so just call/msg me if anything. anything. got a new cameraless phone which is working perfectly... i swear i will reply.
so.. contact me that way. thanks.
so.. contact me that way. thanks.
Thursday, May 31, 2007
apologies
theres nothing more that can be said.
too many apologies have been made.
but it's all useless.
it means zilch if there was even a need for it in the first place.
maybe ill be back when there's difference.
i dont know.
an interesting 3 days... which i shall not talk about here.
it's gonna be a whole different ballgame
we'll see.
too many apologies have been made.
but it's all useless.
it means zilch if there was even a need for it in the first place.
maybe ill be back when there's difference.
i dont know.
an interesting 3 days... which i shall not talk about here.
it's gonna be a whole different ballgame
we'll see.
Thursday, May 24, 2007
.
lameass mediacorp chinese shows always have those scenes where this person who's upset or pissed goes to the sea or railway tracks or some shit with his/her best friend and the idiot asks him/her to yell out really loud.. shout his/her head off to vent whatever crap.
and the person goes... zhen de. ke yi ma. or some crap like that.
and 'best' friend goes. ke yi. ni shi yi shi! again. some crap like that.
so the person gives out this freaking pathetic yelp.
like ahhhh.. especially if its a frail female. and she says wow. shu fu duo le. or something. and gives best friend a hug. or falls into her best friend's arms to cry.
but anyway the point is. although this scene will always remain lame beyond doubt
i feel like shouting out damn loudly now.
just a gut feeling.
which i can only release in short, intermittent 'rarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr' or 'arghhhhhhhhhhhhhs' in sparing a thought for neighbors.
so yeah. maybe those chinese shows are not so lameass after all.
maybe they do have a point.
take it.
dead.
really.
gone.
i could ahhhhhhhhh here. but have realised virtual ahhs dont work. they serve a very much different purpose. soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. type type type. distraction you know. distract. distract distract. for what? procrastination. self-defence. but yet it has a very damn bloody tragic stupid irony.
SHIT.
and the person goes... zhen de. ke yi ma. or some crap like that.
and 'best' friend goes. ke yi. ni shi yi shi! again. some crap like that.
so the person gives out this freaking pathetic yelp.
like ahhhh.. especially if its a frail female. and she says wow. shu fu duo le. or something. and gives best friend a hug. or falls into her best friend's arms to cry.
but anyway the point is. although this scene will always remain lame beyond doubt
i feel like shouting out damn loudly now.
just a gut feeling.
which i can only release in short, intermittent 'rarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr' or 'arghhhhhhhhhhhhhs' in sparing a thought for neighbors.
so yeah. maybe those chinese shows are not so lameass after all.
maybe they do have a point.
take it.
dead.
really.
gone.
i could ahhhhhhhhh here. but have realised virtual ahhs dont work. they serve a very much different purpose. soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. type type type. distraction you know. distract. distract distract. for what? procrastination. self-defence. but yet it has a very damn bloody tragic stupid irony.
SHIT.
Monday, May 21, 2007
this title shit is pissing me off
you know someone who appears charismatic...
somehow has these special qualities..
and although there are negative attributes as well
you somehow overlook them
coz they dont really show themselves usually
or to other more unfamiliar people
makes one think that person is something special.. different
even if person does screws up.
over and over again.
somehow you think person can still make a name for him/herself
not susceptible to all this shit that mere mortals fall victim to
because person has the ability, charm.. street smarts needed to thrive
these are more valuable than all other more 'down to earth' qualities.
are they not.
but there comes a day...
when you realise that that really might not be the case..
and that charisma kinda turns into some disillusionment.
pure disillusion.
and you question yourself. whether your judgment now is right.
whether it can stand as a worthy competitor to those street smarts
but really when such selfishness appears coupled with pure idealism...
there really is not much competition between the two anymore.
especially when it concerns the wellbeing of others.
now what's left behind is a great deal of disappointment.
but probably... more anxiousness
but i guess... everyone has to learn their own lessons.
i might be wrong.
and i really hope i am.
somehow has these special qualities..
and although there are negative attributes as well
you somehow overlook them
coz they dont really show themselves usually
or to other more unfamiliar people
makes one think that person is something special.. different
even if person does screws up.
over and over again.
somehow you think person can still make a name for him/herself
not susceptible to all this shit that mere mortals fall victim to
because person has the ability, charm.. street smarts needed to thrive
these are more valuable than all other more 'down to earth' qualities.
are they not.
but there comes a day...
when you realise that that really might not be the case..
and that charisma kinda turns into some disillusionment.
pure disillusion.
and you question yourself. whether your judgment now is right.
whether it can stand as a worthy competitor to those street smarts
but really when such selfishness appears coupled with pure idealism...
there really is not much competition between the two anymore.
especially when it concerns the wellbeing of others.
now what's left behind is a great deal of disappointment.
but probably... more anxiousness
but i guess... everyone has to learn their own lessons.
i might be wrong.
and i really hope i am.
Sunday, May 20, 2007
.
on a really random note...
it seems that the knives just dont stop.. flying.
one after another.
and you realise that it really isnt a matter of..
what the knives are
but perspective
the substance of the skin or deeper maybe.
but a leopard just cant change its spots man.
it's true true true.
very painful spots.
ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
the bitter taste of bitterness
but there's something else more piercing in this shitty concoction.
is that how you spell it? think so. just typing it out...
looks like a freaking weird word... con-coc-tion...
sigh.
AH. STOP IT. ARGHHHH.
it seems that the knives just dont stop.. flying.
one after another.
and you realise that it really isnt a matter of..
what the knives are
but perspective
the substance of the skin or deeper maybe.
but a leopard just cant change its spots man.
it's true true true.
very painful spots.
ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
the bitter taste of bitterness
but there's something else more piercing in this shitty concoction.
is that how you spell it? think so. just typing it out...
looks like a freaking weird word... con-coc-tion...
sigh.
AH. STOP IT. ARGHHHH.
Thursday, May 17, 2007
Wednesday, May 16, 2007
home
yes... im home.
touched down at 120 am early on tuesday morn.
and. i am going back in on 28 may...
but im not sure how much time i have before that
coz.. the period between is gonna be a huge test. but anyways.
my phone is in the samsung shop now... stuck in repairs..
will be getting it back soon though.. and start contacting people then.
so.. i guess that's all i can say for now.
dont know why people complain about how hot it is upon coming back to sg though.
i dont feel a difference. maybe slightly. slightly. more humid.
but that's it.
well. it must really be the urge to complain then and point out a difference.
and i think jetlag is quite a bullshit concept.
as it stands the plane screws you up enough that it automatically adjusts your bodyclock to wherever you're going.
haa. for some reason i sound so bitter. but i am not!
stuck in my own world for a bit.
touched down at 120 am early on tuesday morn.
and. i am going back in on 28 may...
but im not sure how much time i have before that
coz.. the period between is gonna be a huge test. but anyways.
my phone is in the samsung shop now... stuck in repairs..
will be getting it back soon though.. and start contacting people then.
so.. i guess that's all i can say for now.
dont know why people complain about how hot it is upon coming back to sg though.
i dont feel a difference. maybe slightly. slightly. more humid.
but that's it.
well. it must really be the urge to complain then and point out a difference.
and i think jetlag is quite a bullshit concept.
as it stands the plane screws you up enough that it automatically adjusts your bodyclock to wherever you're going.
haa. for some reason i sound so bitter. but i am not!
stuck in my own world for a bit.
Saturday, May 12, 2007
6.5
6 and a half hours.
just to pack up everything ready to move out tomorrow.
mann.
tired.
HATE flying.
just to pack up everything ready to move out tomorrow.
mann.
tired.
HATE flying.
Thursday, May 10, 2007
bs
i can bullshit all right.
but how the heck am i going to bullshit a paper on terrorism for honors
in a single day
and to a professor who has a significant amount of intelligence with a phd in political science
dead.
dead.
dead.
but how the heck am i going to bullshit a paper on terrorism for honors
in a single day
and to a professor who has a significant amount of intelligence with a phd in political science
dead.
dead.
dead.
Wednesday, May 09, 2007
abcdefg
i think the chinese language is a very beautiful language actually.
just been given a bad rep in sg... due to some negative conotations.
trying to plan some ambitious study abroads.. which need a shitload of things to go my way...
and some very generous people...
hope it works out.
hmm. so...
always wash your feet. not just letting it be splashed with water during a shower.
like use freaking soap and scrub. scrub hard.
very. very important.
sigh.
cant stop playing this song. over and over again.
the song used in singapore dreaming.
when i first watched the film... thought it sounded familiar
and it's just.. it just provides a perfect backdrop.
it's called bong chun hong... translated as pinning for the spring breeze.
one would think that these oldies would usually only have an effect on the older generation...
but no. for some reason. it kinda just reaches... into you. very touching.
friends we have to watch this together all right.
i think people can say what they want about our film industry...
been doing research for my paper... and read an online article with nothing but criticisms.
which kinda pissed me off.
really what's the point.
from where i stand... i see a lot of hope.
although admittedly... i hardly know anything.
-----------------------------------
was looking at something... which then reminded me of something.
my sis started had this small craze some time back...
checking out things to buy online.
clothes specifically...
so she ordered these 2 things... which looked good
and my mum brought her to collect..
sold by these girls
so my sis went forward to get them
and they gave them to her. collected money.
were laughing or something. and left immediately
my sis opened up and checked.
the clothes looked nothing like they did online
and were freaking old and obviously worn before.
bloody IDIOTS.
when my mum told me bout this just totally pissed me off.
shit. if only i was there.
would have dealt with this bunch of jokers. very suitably.
if you dare to touch my family... cheat them.. whatever.
you're screwed.
immediately.
bloody jokers....
just been given a bad rep in sg... due to some negative conotations.
trying to plan some ambitious study abroads.. which need a shitload of things to go my way...
and some very generous people...
hope it works out.
hmm. so...
always wash your feet. not just letting it be splashed with water during a shower.
like use freaking soap and scrub. scrub hard.
very. very important.
sigh.
cant stop playing this song. over and over again.
the song used in singapore dreaming.
when i first watched the film... thought it sounded familiar
and it's just.. it just provides a perfect backdrop.
it's called bong chun hong... translated as pinning for the spring breeze.
one would think that these oldies would usually only have an effect on the older generation...
but no. for some reason. it kinda just reaches... into you. very touching.
friends we have to watch this together all right.
i think people can say what they want about our film industry...
been doing research for my paper... and read an online article with nothing but criticisms.
which kinda pissed me off.
really what's the point.
from where i stand... i see a lot of hope.
although admittedly... i hardly know anything.
-----------------------------------
was looking at something... which then reminded me of something.
my sis started had this small craze some time back...
checking out things to buy online.
clothes specifically...
so she ordered these 2 things... which looked good
and my mum brought her to collect..
sold by these girls
so my sis went forward to get them
and they gave them to her. collected money.
were laughing or something. and left immediately
my sis opened up and checked.
the clothes looked nothing like they did online
and were freaking old and obviously worn before.
bloody IDIOTS.
when my mum told me bout this just totally pissed me off.
shit. if only i was there.
would have dealt with this bunch of jokers. very suitably.
if you dare to touch my family... cheat them.. whatever.
you're screwed.
immediately.
bloody jokers....
Tuesday, May 08, 2007
yes!!!
YES!!! ANOTHER QUIZ!!!!!!!
hahaaa... i am so damn tired. almost died today.
but damn. these boliao things.
are like energizer batts.
You.
Can.
Only.
Type.
One.
Word.
Not as easy as you might think.
1. Where is your cell phone?
:: dunno
2. Your boyfriend/girlfriend?
:: non-existant
3. Your hair?
:: annoying...
4. your mother?
:: msn
5. Your father?
:: working
6. Your favorite thing?
:: companionship
7. Your dream last night?
:: scary
8. Your favorite drink?
:: water
9. Your dream car?
:: jeep
10. The room you're in?
:: dorm
11. Your sister?
:: dunno
12. Your fear/s?
:: failure (at this moment)
13. What do you want to be in 10 years?
:: soldier
14. Who did you hang out with last
night?
:: haekyung
15. What you're not good at?
:: lying
16. What/who do you hate?
:: nobody (5 years ago i would have said becks.)
17. One of your wish list items?
:: contentment
19. The last thing you did?
:: chat
20. What are you wearing?
:: clothes
21. what aren't you wearing?
:: footwear
22. Your pet?
:: none
23. Your computer?
:: ibook
24. Your life?
:: heh
25. Your mood?
:: spaced-out
26. Missing?
:: home
27. What are you thinking about right
now?
:: papers
28. Your work?
:: hmm...
29. Your summer?
:: scary...
30. Your relationship status?
:: NA
31. Your favorite?
:: friends
32. When is the last time you laughed?
:: yesterday
33. Last time you cried hard?
:: secret
DONE :D
hahaaa... i am so damn tired. almost died today.
but damn. these boliao things.
are like energizer batts.
You.
Can.
Only.
Type.
One.
Word.
Not as easy as you might think.
1. Where is your cell phone?
:: dunno
2. Your boyfriend/girlfriend?
:: non-existant
3. Your hair?
:: annoying...
4. your mother?
:: msn
5. Your father?
:: working
6. Your favorite thing?
:: companionship
7. Your dream last night?
:: scary
8. Your favorite drink?
:: water
9. Your dream car?
:: jeep
10. The room you're in?
:: dorm
11. Your sister?
:: dunno
12. Your fear/s?
:: failure (at this moment)
13. What do you want to be in 10 years?
:: soldier
14. Who did you hang out with last
night?
:: haekyung
15. What you're not good at?
:: lying
16. What/who do you hate?
:: nobody (5 years ago i would have said becks.)
17. One of your wish list items?
:: contentment
19. The last thing you did?
:: chat
20. What are you wearing?
:: clothes
21. what aren't you wearing?
:: footwear
22. Your pet?
:: none
23. Your computer?
:: ibook
24. Your life?
:: heh
25. Your mood?
:: spaced-out
26. Missing?
:: home
27. What are you thinking about right
now?
:: papers
28. Your work?
:: hmm...
29. Your summer?
:: scary...
30. Your relationship status?
:: NA
31. Your favorite?
:: friends
32. When is the last time you laughed?
:: yesterday
33. Last time you cried hard?
:: secret
DONE :D
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