root of all evil

got a shock today when i was withdrawing cash
checked out the receipt and seems like somehow over night my account somehow decreased by a thousand bucks.
quickly got home. checked my account online.
found out mostly it's coz cheques made out for my apt now and for next year were banked in...

and i dont know. the point im trying to make is...
it bothers me when the money supply keeps dwindling and all of a sudden too.
i used to think i didnt give a shit about money coz i hardly spent anyway
but i think this is one of those instances when u realize that
u're not longer a kid.

not in the sense that caring about how much u have left in the bank gives u an automatic right to "become matured" overnight
coz that's freaking damn bullshit.
but. like. u just really gotta take on much more responsibility.
for yourself and others.
and i think that's one thing i've really realised a lot over here when the dependcy (is there such a word) factor kinda leaves.

and it's not just money. but now. it's the money that im earning.
not that i would not feel guilty about spending my parents money.
but you do think a lot more. when you have to proportion it out.
and am forced to take note of how much u're spending here and there.
if not u'd have none left to pay for bills... etc...

i would still say money is freaking bullshit.
i would like to say i completely dont care...
but i cant. coz the reality of this world draws you in.
people have been giving me stress telling me that my salary will be based on the kind of degree i get.
which is true. but which really sucks and i just wanna tell them to shut the hell up.

so that's what it is.
cash is just cash.
and life shall go on as i want to. but just a check on finances now and then.
actually my point was that that moment of "shit what the hell. 1000 bucks gone where" kinda was one of those instances where you realise u've stepped over that border of no longer being a kid anymore. whether you like it or not.
but apprently i kinda drifted away from the topic...

shit. i dont think i expressed what i wanted to express.
sigh.
i guess at the end of the day i just want enough to be self sufficient.
am going to support myself dammit.
and give some to __________. yeah.

on a different note.
i freaking hate it when some girls depend on guys for everything.
it's disgusting and makes me sick.

ok.
GO WATCH THE MOVIE PEOPLE!