i just remembered something when i was sitting in my political science lecture today.. something that pissed me off before i left singapore. i dont know whether it's appropriate to blog.. coz for certain reasons i cant shake off the feeling that most of my movements are somehow.. being.. watched. and the extremely level of sensitiveness that exists in singapore today. but. what the heck. ill just be vague.

before we left.. we attended a certain course... where they had all these high government official people.. people with a lot of.. experience.. at the top.. recognised by society as people very learned.. very deep.. much much much more than the average singaporean.. come in and speak...

yes. the topics were interesting. but i always feel like they.. well some of them just try to speak bout controversies and stuff..and everything they say has to be.. not the norm. and the people listening.. will be.. wow. so learned. this guy is so different. so knowledgeable. i dont know. i just feel like everyone tries to be controversial for the sake of being like WOW. coz singapore is kinda.. more.. 'docile' and 'tamed' so that's like o wow im different look at me. but please! BS.

but anyways the thing that pissed me off was... a certain person came to talk about things.. and he mentioned that studying international relations is the most useless degree.. like dont bother to waste ur time. it's useless. and a second person who came in.. echoed the same thing. later when we were doing some fantastic group discussion. yes that was sarcasm. a certain person the discussion said.. he/she had signed up to do international relations and oh no. now that these two people have said this, he/she is gonna change. it must really be useless.

........

THAT pissed me off. i think.. there is NO such thing as a useless degree. ur studies are what you make of it. whether you study business, engineering, international relations, whatever, sure u get the specific skills that u wanna bring to ur career next time.. but it's just so so much more than that. i think university is about growing up and learning about life more than anything else. and every degree has something to offer. and how dare these 2 'high class' 'respected' people in society say this. knowing how impressionable the people they're talking to are too. and the sad thing is that the person in my discussion group actually just followed through and absorbed it blindly.

another thing was.. there were these group presentations and someone said something extremely ignorant and basically an insult to the saf. til today it annoys me that i didnt speak up then coz i so badly wanted to. i mean.. if that's the direction that singapore is going.. towards being a cynical society for the sake of it? we're screwed.

now that im changing my major to international studies from political science.. but still doing a pol sci minor.. i think about those words and i worries me slightly that oh no.. am i earning a useless degree.. but WHAT THE HECK. i am gonna do what i want. and i think what im gonna study is gonna benefit me much. EVEN if it doesnt lead me directly into being a top gov bureacrat, or top engineer.. or doctor.. or what have you. it's all so bs man.

i think those few days were easily one of the most annoying periods ever. there was just so much.. i would think.. what's that word. yes. fakeness. hardly did i feel a sense of sincerity at all in that environment.. and that was supposed to be.. developing the future of singapore. during st, they offered another girl going for the scholarship a higher one than sms which is what i have now.. and i asked them whether i could try for it too. but of course the answer came back no. i would never fit into this, and obviously i dont have the qualifications. anyways and after all this. im so. damn. glad. im so grateful for what i have now. i cant believe i wanted more. and worse.