i like to watch oprah.. sometimes.. but one reason i dont others.. or i find quite a bit of hypocrisy in some of the shows.. and unfortunately the host herself.. is her.. o man what's that word.. ok i cant remember the word but i am talking about.. just the show of her obvious wealth.. what she preaches.. is against materialism. a focus on the mind, the spirit, and yet, she showcases all these brands.. shows all this money.. a huge appreciate for a lifestyle of decadence.. another thing which really bugs me.. is how she.. advertises the appreciation of different... ____ _____.. and yet she herself.. ________ with it... it's like.. it really is doing one thing yet saying another.. and people just go along with how great it is that finally there's someone doing something other htan the norm... standing out for those who 'dont really seem to have it that great'.. when in actual fact.. it's a complete lie.. hypocrisy.. and the sad thing is how much this plays out in real life.. and people around.. dont realise it.. admire it.. i dont know. it bothers me a lot..

i wish.. sometimes i really wish i had a less active mind.. your mind kills me so so much sometimes.. i dont know.

something else i was thinking about.. why all these singers and actresses and what have u are all so 'good looking'.. well.. maybe not so much in the US as compared to asia but generally a fact.. like people praise him/she for being so young.. and so good looking.. but wow so talented as well.

i guess the question to ask is - why does it seem that only good looking people are talented? and the obvious answer is that that is complete bullshit.. it's just that society selects only these people to 'make appear' talented.. and even if they're not in the first place to be made into that product. im sure a lot of people know this. but my point is how much it bugs me when people go.. wow he/she is so good looking.. and also so talented! no. so many things in this world.. are just so overrated.. and it just continues on influencing generation after generation of people..

sometimes i think.. well.. i mean.. the world is in good hands.. like.. despite people's obvious stupidity at the lower ends over superficial things.. somehow things work fine.. countries work fine.. under control of the government etc.. but then i realise that is bullshit.. coz everyone is human.. even the people at the top.. lky is human, so is bush, so is that huge slice of shit which is osama binladen, and everybody, everybody has their stupid flaws... and then u look at the world.. usually u take for granted that everything is going well.. except for some things like.. o no... war in israel/palastine or.. iraq war.. but i mean.. it's ok.. its far away.. doesnt affect.. but if u look closely... u realise the world.. is really just.. collapsing in itself.. supported by all these humans with all their individual flaws.. and yet poeple look up to.. and rely on them coz if not.. what other hope do you have...

i dont know how to put it.. but sigh...

i guess... it can all be summarized.. in.. a cry for help.

i just had.. a really good thanksgiving.. because.. i dont think it was only for myself.. that it was only for my own benefit and fun.. and.. i really got to see what america was really like.. and how americans are.. and their life.. instead of travelling and all that.. coz honestly i dont give much of a crap about that stuff.. and im so grateful for all the warm hospitality extended to me...

i want to go home... but i cannot.. face doing so.
at a complete.. complete and utter loss..

it bothers me so damn much that you can do one thing.. but yet say another for someone else.. set a different standard. it's so fake.. and so selfish.. and it bothers me even more that this is just one example of the 'goodness' that this world is supposed to have

and.. sigh.. i dont know why i think this way.. i dont know whether im disillusioned.. but it bugs me a lot.. am i right or wrong? i dont know why i have to view them this way...

sigh.

i just remembered something when i was sitting in my political science lecture today.. something that pissed me off before i left singapore. i dont know whether it's appropriate to blog.. coz for certain reasons i cant shake off the feeling that most of my movements are somehow.. being.. watched. and the extremely level of sensitiveness that exists in singapore today. but. what the heck. ill just be vague.

before we left.. we attended a certain course... where they had all these high government official people.. people with a lot of.. experience.. at the top.. recognised by society as people very learned.. very deep.. much much much more than the average singaporean.. come in and speak...

yes. the topics were interesting. but i always feel like they.. well some of them just try to speak bout controversies and stuff..and everything they say has to be.. not the norm. and the people listening.. will be.. wow. so learned. this guy is so different. so knowledgeable. i dont know. i just feel like everyone tries to be controversial for the sake of being like WOW. coz singapore is kinda.. more.. 'docile' and 'tamed' so that's like o wow im different look at me. but please! BS.

but anyways the thing that pissed me off was... a certain person came to talk about things.. and he mentioned that studying international relations is the most useless degree.. like dont bother to waste ur time. it's useless. and a second person who came in.. echoed the same thing. later when we were doing some fantastic group discussion. yes that was sarcasm. a certain person the discussion said.. he/she had signed up to do international relations and oh no. now that these two people have said this, he/she is gonna change. it must really be useless.

........

THAT pissed me off. i think.. there is NO such thing as a useless degree. ur studies are what you make of it. whether you study business, engineering, international relations, whatever, sure u get the specific skills that u wanna bring to ur career next time.. but it's just so so much more than that. i think university is about growing up and learning about life more than anything else. and every degree has something to offer. and how dare these 2 'high class' 'respected' people in society say this. knowing how impressionable the people they're talking to are too. and the sad thing is that the person in my discussion group actually just followed through and absorbed it blindly.

another thing was.. there were these group presentations and someone said something extremely ignorant and basically an insult to the saf. til today it annoys me that i didnt speak up then coz i so badly wanted to. i mean.. if that's the direction that singapore is going.. towards being a cynical society for the sake of it? we're screwed.

now that im changing my major to international studies from political science.. but still doing a pol sci minor.. i think about those words and i worries me slightly that oh no.. am i earning a useless degree.. but WHAT THE HECK. i am gonna do what i want. and i think what im gonna study is gonna benefit me much. EVEN if it doesnt lead me directly into being a top gov bureacrat, or top engineer.. or doctor.. or what have you. it's all so bs man.

i think those few days were easily one of the most annoying periods ever. there was just so much.. i would think.. what's that word. yes. fakeness. hardly did i feel a sense of sincerity at all in that environment.. and that was supposed to be.. developing the future of singapore. during st, they offered another girl going for the scholarship a higher one than sms which is what i have now.. and i asked them whether i could try for it too. but of course the answer came back no. i would never fit into this, and obviously i dont have the qualifications. anyways and after all this. im so. damn. glad. im so grateful for what i have now. i cant believe i wanted more. and worse.

my friends.. we have been through a lot together..

hey man

does anyone want anything from amazon?? please tell me now asap.. coz im getting some stuff from there but i need somemore stuff to make up the free shipping.. if u want anything it's much cheaper coz im here in the US and books are definitely much cheaper there.. i can bring it back to sg in dec. please email me asap or tag on my board! thanks.

wei lynn

o man.. i am so.. shaken that i feel like crying.. and rejoicing at the same time..

it's 716 am.. and i just woke up from a damn damn bad nightmare.. i dont know. i have these a lot.. it was something like.. when i was younger.. i think 13 years old i got knocked down by a car.. twice i think.. and i kinda saw it like.. it knocked me over.. i went onto the lid.. and it drove around with me then.. this is a dream so even though everything sounds weird.. trust me in the situation it feels very real.. it's like.. he.. i mean God spared my life. but something told me that 6 years from that day. on the same day i would die.. i wont escape the fate that i almost met this time.
(erm. just a clarification. this is a dream. no. i wasnt knocked over in real life... although sometimes it feels like it)

o man i just realised something. 13 + 6 = 19.. everything adds up...

some things happened in between.. i went to a dream version of army. i never told anyone but when the day was coming.. somehow my mum and dad knew. and i thought maybe nothing would happen.. but something did some evil. evil presence appeared.. and i really thought i was going to die. everything was working out perfectly.. timing.. evil person..

somehow.. it came down to a game of russian roulette.. knowing how suay i am.. but it wasnt it. i didnt die. i was saved. but we ran to a 'safe' place.. yet he traced us down again.. but once again.. somehow.. i didnt die. none of us did. and at the end.. i cant remember now it's really hazy but some image of.. the Lord came up.. and i just felt him like.. speaking to me.. reassuring me of his presence.. even though everything.. not just my nightmare. but whatever obstacles...

when i woke up i was jus too shaken to move at all.. when i finally did i saw that i received a song from a friend who had been sending it before i slept.. it was the song 'still'.. actually i think it was on my com previously but i just never realised.. and i listened to it.. and it completely completely applied to me.. it just spoke to me.. sigh. suddenly i feel like through all that shit.. all that shit.. God was there.. and even more so now and in the future.. i dont know.i cant explain. i dont wanna explain.

i just feel a huge sense.. i feel extremely overwhelmed now.. and i just wanted to blog.. to keep it as a reminder.. the thing is. immediately after this.. i felt an extremely huge sense to suddenly place this on.. it was just a coincidence. christian songs just make u feel good. there is no substantial evidence that God exists.

but... something a friend told me some time ago.. i remember. and just read last night. for some reason. it is taking a lot and a lot of forgiveness.. and letting go on my part to write about this... but i will. imagine a long pause.. ok. someone told me a while ago about this message.. that when we never feel the lord's presence.. ever.. it's coz satan is roaming on here.. on this earth. But that's how.. God wanted it. he wants to use us to restore his lost kingdon on earth. He has all the power in the world to easily remove satan, but he didnt do it coz he wants to show his angels his wisdom in creating us.. men.. to destroy satan. so really we're just.. never alone. it's a victory we have to have.. over the devil when we feel this way. and after this.. suddenly it came up to me. my usual doubts everything. but i remembered this. and im.. just pushing away all of them.

faith is an incredibly hard to. i think im kinda like doubting thomas. faith is a super super difficult incredible concept. but i believe.. and know that the Lord has just been here all the way. through everything even now.. next time..

for anyone reading this.. i wont blog about it.. if i didnt wanna share it.. and.. i dont know. i hope it applies to u somehow too.. im so overwhelmed i just broke down for a while man. sigh. praise the Lord really.

hide me now, under Your wings
cover me, within Your mighty hand

when the oceans rise
and thunders roar
i will soar with You above the storm
Father You are King over the flood
i will be still and know you are God

find rest my soul in Christ alone
know his power, in quietness and trust

when the oceans rise
and thunders roar
i will soar with You above the storm
Father You are King over the flood
i will be still and know you are God

be still and know that i am God.
be still and know that i am God.
be still and know that i am God.

Isaiah 43 -
he's called us by name
when we go through the deep water of great trouble
when we go through the rivers of great difficulty we will not drown
when we walk through the fires of oppression we will not be burnt up
and the flames will not consume us
because he is our God

earthly things are but.. earthly things. i dont know how to explain it. but i just picked up my handphone with a sense of disgust. hahahaa.. sigh.

i think i solved something.. i dont know. i always complain why God.. ok not complain but think. why God speaks so easily to others and never to me. why I never really feel his presence.. i just kinda realised.. its a 2 way relationship. if i dont actively seek him.. coz faith is just really.. so simple.. yet difficult.. it's a relationship.. that u need to be the effort in.. to speak to him.. everything.. sigh.

happy. finally. for once. happy.

i just found out from my mum. that my sis fainted when they went out to celebrate my bro's birthday prob eat at swensens... as usual.. she was admitted to hospital and discharged in two days. it might seem like nothing.. but it's i think the fourth time she's fainted for no reason. twice in school. once with my mum at the bus stop while i was in camp. sigh. im in a bit of a shock now. i really wanna be home.. please pray for her. she worries me.. a lot coz of her thinking.. her actions.. she emailed me previously.. and something very shocking.. i was just.. so sad and so shocked.. i emailed her back.. and she never replied after that.
and my mum tells me that.. everything she goes to the hospital she always says how nice it is over there... o man i am so so worried... :'( :'( :'(

i hope.. i really hope she's ok..

wow. so i just heard that's some stupid rumour abt me back home! soooo sooo bull----. it's hilarious. the things people will do or images they create to satisfy their boredom and wild wild untamed tongues. hilarious. sad. and just plain stupid.

and.. in this situation.. very unprofessional.

ive been hearing things. which make me quite sad. why. why cant guys just have platonic relationships with girls. why cant the whole world just be friends (yea ok i kinda know the answer. so it's a rhetoric question. but let me just say why for the sake of saying why). why. why. why.

some things ive seen and known.. in recent times have made me very disappointed with the male species.

˜∫∫˜√´∑œåß∂ƒ©˙∆˚¬…æ“πøˆ¨¥†®´∑œª•¶§§∞¢£™¡`

WHOA. COOL ****!!!!

i realised by pressing dodwn the er... apple key on the mac and pressing other stuff all this stuff emerges.
hurhur. super suaku. but it's ok. (:

anyways. i wanted to say... i find it quite funny.. sad.. and very 'huh'.. when i see sec 1 girls talk about seeming to be tortured by life.. or by love.. relationship problems.. or saying things like.. bitch.. or whatever.. sigh. growing up so fast.. and only so young.. and other than that also despite the seeming maturity being damn childish... sigh please man. sec 1. enjoy ur time with ur girl friends doing the stupidest things in the world. why get all angsty and give a crap about boys who are prob more immature than u if that was possible. sigh. i think ill look back a few years down the road and be like huh what the heck was i thinking too.

but seriously. sometimes that sec 1 mentality.. like relationship stuff or whatever.. it never goes away. even in 20 plus people.. or people my age. hahaa it just manifests itself in a different form.. sad.

im slightly worried for u. i think... u can get better than that.



- Daryl Cage. MSNBC.com

quite sad indeed.

sigh. this is a sad sigh.. and a contented sigh.. i miss cadet days.

5th night. and it continues. i stop around 8 plus to go to a class i havent went to in three weeks, and the class is empty, except for one equally bewildered guy. i come back and i feel super tired. but continue on the paper a little. i decide to rest my head for a few seconds and the next thing i know. BAM. it's 115.

AAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!! WWWWWWWWHHHHHHHHHYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!

i just missed a super important class.. AGAIN.. as im typing this im missing the next one.. AGAIN and no im not missing it to blog it's coz i havent finished my paper which i need to hand up at the end of this one.

earlier this week i tried so hard to be a guai kia and go for class..i totally resisted the temptation to go back tomy room to sleep coz i hadnt all night, and both lectures i went.. i SLEPT. learnt and absorbed crap. just slept. and it was damn important hadnt gone for the last three. sigh.

actually i think i just really deserve this. that.. and i am very suay :(

i really dont have time right now.. but there're things i must say or i will most definitely explode. i shall be a geek.. and list them in order.. coz im too tired to think of.. like.. paragraphing now...

(1) my blog layout sucks. it's damn annoying to read. but i love the picture.. sigh. those were the days..i will change it when i go back to sg... yea i paid one month's salary to come back to sg to hole myself up at home and play with html. i love being a geek.

(2) i realised that annoying memories.. just disappear. you really cant remember and u doubt that they even happened.. i guess time does really.. permit forgiveness in a sense

(3) i make a promise now.. that im going to cut down on saying shit. not entirely.. i guess.. coz sometimes there's just no other better substitute for an exclamation or reflection of extreme feelings. why i decided this.. firstly.. i really just need to project better behavior. i think ive just gotten so used to.. being.. the guy. or.. not the girl.. or like just some trash at the side of the road.. and.. honestly.. i want to be better than that. secondly would be.. it really doesnt sound good at all. and thirdly would be.. my roommate and i.. we get along well but we are very very different.. whatever i am like - she is the opposite.. and she uses the f word the whole entire time at first i didnt really care coz im super easy going.. but a few days ago.. it started to annoy me.. a little.. it's just really.. awful to hear so much swearing.. and i dont wanna be like that myself.. weird huh considering my career choice. but so what. back in ocs.. i mean im totally ok like for the fun of it or whatever.. (even though of course.. less is best) but sometimes.. i did get a little annoyed.. here it's just excessive.. but yea.. hey it taught me something. more on roommate point later.

(4) it's official i have survived four nights without sleeping. my body clock is totally.. flipped. on the plus side, there wont be jet lag when i go back to sg. like in. er. 1+ months

(5) in the past 2 weeks ive received letters from home from 2 people who i like. a lot. hahaa. and the thing is.. they both gave me the same thing - magnetic bookmarks. is it the in thing back home now? hahaa ive seized to believe in coincidences anymore.. thank you.. i love it :D and one of u.. the one with the snotface. ur letter is damn siaocharbo.

(6) i went for lecture today and the professor was out of town.. so the teaching assistant did it.. i dont know how the singapore system works but if it's different.. teaching assistants are grad students/juniors/seniors and they take discussions.. like 'tutorials'. o man that horrible word seems so foreign and long ago.. sadly. if it's the same system in singapore.. then just take it that im a mountain tortoise. but anyways he was kinda nervous and stuff.. and people just started leaving one by one.. and i just felt that.. that was so damn rude. it's quite sad. but yet those who stayed.. continued to participate in the lecture. i wanted to contrast this with things in singapore.. but both sides have their good and bad. i wont go into that. brain. not. working.

(7) last and most crucial point... living with my roommate and being 'exposed' to the other kinda life.. has taught me something. other than realising that i am really a guai kia and geek, i realised that.. i like how things are... with my life and my friends, people who i choose to hang out with, the things we do. i mean im definitely NOT guai. i think quite a few people can vouch for that.. but yet in some ways.. i think i really am. in primary school - i was perceived to be ultimate guai. somehow things just.. er. changed. from there. but the point is.. sometimes to be honest i really wonder how it's like for those people who are perceived to be 'in'. you know.. the kind who do sports/good looks/rich/club/hang out a lot/flirt. yea ok im making generalisations. so scrap that. i mean just people who generally.. belong to the perceived level of 'coolness' and very in or whatever and every night go out have fun.. things like that.. and like. wow.. i wonder how it would be if i was more.. like that.. in a sense. instead of being a guai geek. but i've realised... that bull****. im really glad my life turned out this way. my roommate keeps asking me to go out to clubs.. bars.. but it makes me realise even more so that's not what i want at all.. im just content with being alone.. or with a few good friends.. just eating.. watching a movie.. talking. that's all i need for all my life and it's enough. i dont need 'fun'. and i think.. life has been pretty good to me coz it has really just sent me the best friends anyone could ask for. they're just such great people in their own right. yes this is the millionth time im saying this but who cares. undeserving. that's the only words that pops to mind. and of course i would be refering to myself. not them.

Your Birthdate: November 20

You are a virtual roller coaster of emotions, and most people enjoy the ride. Your mood tends to set the tone of the room, and when you're happy, this is a good thing. When you get in a dark mood, watch out - it's very hard to get you out of it. It's sometimes hard for you to cheer up, and your gloom can be contagious. Your strength: Your warm heart Your weakness: Trouble controlling your emotions Your power color: Black Your power symbol: Musical note Your power month: February

What Does Your Birth Date Mean?

beware SHITTY english.. i read it over and it's like.. what the heck am i writing.. completely reflects the state of mind of not having slept for 3 nights in a row.. only for 3/4 hours in the day.. which is to continue.. sigh. shit. my body is in damn bad condition now... my head..

o man my head is POUNDING.. it's killing me.. i havent slept since i woke up at 4pm.. after not sleeping the previous night and sleeping at 1230pm.. it's 911 am now and ive just taught myself 6 chapters of econs from when i woke up.. im dying. dying. but i cant sleep or i'll miss my class at 12.. again. sigh.

my favourite new show is the daily show with jon stewart.. didnt get to watch it in singapore tv.. started watching it on youtube.. got hooked. it's just so damn hilarious.. and it delivers the news at the same time.. and esp with its whole polical thing...

the election is on going now.. and o man.. i dont know it's just so exciting.. for me.. one thing i dont really like about the daily show is how bush is made out to be a complete fool.. and he honestly really seems like one.. but it's just.. editing and biasness man.. i mean you cant really except things on surface value.. who the hell can be the US president without some shitty depiction.. or opposition.. it's kinda sad.. coz i think i lean more towards republican than democrat.. the senate is being contested very closely now.. hope the republicans win.. my sudden interest in politics.. not singapore that is.. makes me think whether i should change my decision about change my major.. sigh will think about it more on friday.. now. there's just too much on my mind..

and of course in other news.. when i went online yesterday.. msn.com.. that's where i get my news now.. stunned.

BRITNEY DIVORCE.

hahahaa. o man. even before my econs exam this morning my prof was talking about it.. somehow this seems to be overshadowing the election somewhat.. hahaa.. i dont even know why im talking about her when i dont give a shit about all this kinda stuff.. but wow. it's been a long time coming man. great great move. kfed seems like such a loser.. but o man.. now he seems kinda pitiful.. but stop it. i must stop being soft hearted. yea even to retarded things like this which are so totally non of my business but at least im willing to admit that its interesting and actually blogging about it. ha. hmmm.. just hope this revives her career. she doesnt have the best voice.. but it's not the worst either and she's a damn good performer.

and.. amos just sent me this poem.. which i thought was written exclusively for me.. hahahaa but apparently not!
amos. he sent me a poem last time before i left.. and i was like whoa... soooooooo touched.. even though honestly after lit in jc.. i got a bit sick of them.. i appreciate things sure but not when u disect them like some piece of meat or something.. that was before i found out that he wrote it for roshni.. and a few othe rpeople who were going overseas too..

serious heartbreak. really. but it's ok amos. u are forgiven... (: (:

----------------------------------------------------------------

army elf

notes written during guard duty

17:30

His smart four is tucked into innocent pockets and folds, and clings earnestly to his limp but supple shoulders. He refuses to sit, instead he paces around the guardroom. Elf gimlets tend and trim the Christmas tree in the centre. Brushing his boots against the floor, his ankles catch the sunny fluorescent light quiet black gleams, wary smiles

20:00

He talks very little, gives very little away
He tells us he is twenty-two, studies Mathematics on an army scholarship.
Twelve, studies the volumes of chimneys and the shapes of socks, an elf’s gift.
His commands are polite. He is Santa’s sergeant.
He watches. Sometimes amused, sometimes from afar, godling born under a distant star

Sentry

he slings a rifle
over shoulders that
sigh
for a mouth
forbidden
to speak

The moon shares his secrets, winking at him from its milky crescent hood many nights ago he galloped past the moon with the illusion of going through it

23:59 (off duty and

It would not be accurate to say that he was not meant for such a life: it is only a different sort of green. Grinning green of lalang and weeds (winking mistletoe), chalk green helmets (green felt caps), camouflage green smart-four (elf’s suit, camouflaged to protect surprises and a child’s imagination).

0:00

From one of the massive pockets of his SBO (Santa’s hat), he evinces some fantastical sleight of hand and draws out a grubby Kinokuniya bag wrapping paper crinkle, scotch tape rip, ribbon ruffle. His fingers hungrily, but softly uncover a glossy paperback (Memoirs Of A Geisha). He tackles the pages gingerly, almost as if they will shatter and vanish in his magical grasp –


(0:01/23:59)

but they only crumple to the static drumbeats of the Singapore anthem. Christmas carols, little drummer’s boy.

Smartly he goes, left right left right left right left: but there is a distant air to his marching saddling the reindeers, prowling the midnight air above children’s bedrooms

08:00, change of guards

In the morning as I leave the guardroom, I look back until he disappears from my view like a child who, taught to unlearn the Santa Claus myth, wakes up for water at the first stroke of Christmas morning and glimpses the tails of an elf’s suit stealthily retreat into the darkness behind the Christmas tree not before winking at him

- amos toh

i realise i wanna blog when i have something... i want to remember.. a point to make..

anyways today is election day here in the US.. and it's kinda cool coz this time. i actually really know what's going on coz of studying US politics and gov in political science... i've been in classes with a professors really passionate about the US government.. and a class with a vietnam war veteran as a professor.. where he kinda presents the other, more radical view.. albeit in a more quiet, subtle nature.. and to see some american students.. esp in my vietwar class.. have solid stands and views on democrats/republicans/war or whatever it is.. somehow.. that's something i appreciate here.. there's even a voting room downstairs cant believe it..

at least for hte first time in my life i'll be really interested to see how this election plays out.

hmmm.. in other minor news.. i am going to change my major to international studies with a political science minor. haa. i just want a broader scope. learn new language. study abroad. and at the end of the day - pol sci is a lot of work.. well not so much taht it's completely unmanageable of course it is! but im just a big idiotic slacker. it really interests me though.. but id ont wanna go into politics.. like please.. im so bullyable ill just get kicked around. so. minor is great :D it's just a little less than the major.. like 2 classes less.. and i can still do stuff like international security.. crisis diplomacy.. etc.. and i just signed up for a class next sem which is gonna be taught by gandhi's grandson on comparative politics in developing nations :D am actually 1% excited about class. how rare is that.

am going through a damn hellish period of work now.. until this friday it is gonna be crazy. i might not survive. but i will. then after that it's still gonna be crazy but slightly less. sigh. ok. come on. i am made of tougher stuff.

i was having a shit day that day.. and opened my mailbox and there was mail.. from singapore... (: it was something that didnt seem like much in 'reality' so to speak.. but to me it was huge. hahaa that sentence comes out so wrong but WHO GIVES A CRAP. i can use whatever crap english i want. made my day. thanks bao en :D

counting my blessings. i am so damn lucky to be here. so l ucky to experience study hell here. i realise that i've turned into what i hate most (out of many other things) - a big fat whiner. stop it. it'll change.

i FINISHED the paper. FINALLY. havent had ANY sleep last night coz i was done at 530 am.. had a class at 8 and knew if i got some rest.. i would wake up at 2.. o man. now another paper to finish today.. dont even know where to begin.. and i need some sleep.. this week is gonna be crazy. o man. massive headache. one hour of sleep. i can wake up. i will wake up.

i think im doing a pretty good job of updating my life. it's amazing, compared to the lack of crap i used to write. but just typing all this.. i dont know.. it really is just a damn good outlet for some thoughts.

as i sit in front of my com at 140 am trying to finish a pol sci paper on syria accountability.. and knowing the shit that lies ahead for the next two days.. i was just thinking about my time so far in the US.. and i realised that.. it can be summed up in the airheaded sentence that life in the US.. is just.. life. i think people who know me will get me.

i need to change my body clock.. i sleep at 6 am and wake up at 1/2 pm. and then miss a shitload of classes. BUT. for the next two days this regime must continue. come on come on come on!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

do it. do it. do it. do it. a TA has already given me massive leeway and yet im still taking advantage of it. i really am an idiot. seriously if i knew someone who was doing what i did. i would hate that immoral.. well ok not very immoral.. but that totally idiotic person.

sometimes it seems just so easy when u know that.. to just change that ONE thing.. and then everything would be different. but things are never as easy as they may seem man. maybe fortunately. or unfortunately. because then everyone would be perfect. how damn freaky is that.

by hook or by crook

sun
(1) 2 eco
(2) PS TP!!!!!! crap.
(3) HIST TP lib

mon
(1) borrow HIST TP lib
(2) finish writing the damn thing
(3) 2 eco

tues
(1) yusuke
(2) eco eco eco until i die

wed
(1) 2 ealc essays
(2) 2 vietwar
(3) study abroad
(4) subjects reg
(5) email

i've been given too many chances. and due to no one's fault other than my own. i've thrown them all away.
cant now. next 4 days. crucial. crucial. crucial.

sigh.

george bush is much maligned.. i dont care that the whole world bullshits like hell about him. being the president of the us of a is.. prob.. the most difficult job in the world.. i thought so before and esp after i studied this stuff. i think.. he's just presented wrongly. and unfortunate timing of terrorism and all that crap. poor bush. these words sound so simplistic and childish against all those bush haters who use sophisticated prose with cheem words of skepticism or is it skeptism.. somehow.. i dont know which one looks better.. more correct.. (wait.. this word is correct right.. it's late. i cant think. or spell. never could.) yes. i think it's skepticism. :S. this is pathetic. but seriously. people just like to cheem things up to boost their credentials. for what man. speak and write for the masses.
if u're singaporean. then speak like one la. im proud of singlish man. at APPROPRIATE times.
wow. i just found out. congratulations. u wont read this but i am really really happy for you.
it starts tomorrow. really. everything. ive just wasted too much.
i hated it back then. looking back. i miss it. seemed to be so carefree. and yet i wanted an end. i think the process might be repeating itself. i better treasure this coz there's really not much to look forward to. im curious. but not like come come come.
mg.jc. come back to me.
we're watching born on the fourth of july on thursday in my vietwar class. i CANNOT wait. i love that show. it's what intrigued me about the whole vietnam war vet situation. tom cruise is great in it. i feel sorry for how things have turned out for him.. it's a waste. but that is not the point. it's a fantastic show. gary sinise is great too.
worried.worried.worried.
i hope bao en is doing good.

i keep calling my dormroom my bunk. and getting laughed at. what's wrong with that. it's my bunk isn't it. a bunk is a room with beds. and my room has beds. somehow.. im missing those days. i think the most annoying parts of the day then were after meals.. coz u looked forward so much to them.. and they were over in a blink of an eye.. and then ur brain has to start worrying again. what i miss is my bunk. i miss my bunk. just slacking around... during those RARE times.. cleaning.. i miss that sense of community... o man. i think i miss being a cadet.

an email from mindef earlier int he year on things on the restrictions on our blogs. i cant remember what it said. but. i am trying to keep to that.

hahahaa. seriously. what a damn boring entry. but i dont give a shit. it's for me. i just wanna type forever.. coz it just brings u to somewhere u are not now... how how how? sigh. wei lynn. only you can save yourself. i am going mad. i really am. im not a good person.. not at all.

anyways. cat. this is for u. can see? (:(:(: i dont know why.. i dont feel like i sound nasal at all.. but on video.. o my goodness. i have terrible terrible diction. sec 2 pw. i love it. what the hell were we thinking.





missed. there's a bit of flower la nvm... CLASSIC.