you know how you look forward to weekends so much... that break from school.
but somehow. they turn out sucking really bad. way worse than weekdays.
thats been the story for too damn long.
and... it really would have been much easier... if id stayed on and not left...
it's such difficult transition from one comfortzone.. to another and back. for a few years.
i welcomed the break at the time... but i knew there would be problems
thats why i raised what i did
but of course the reply i got was more like a rigid slap in the face
but not now.
somehow i wish i was still immersed in that environment of stress. and yet. some warped kinda happiness and satisfaction.
Sunday, April 29, 2007
Thursday, April 26, 2007
(:
today has been the best day ive had in the states so far.
today has kinda.. justified all the shitty days.
sigh. good sigh.
today has kinda.. justified all the shitty days.
sigh. good sigh.
Wednesday, April 25, 2007
read this.
o man. i have so much crap to do... but i have have have to blog about something first.
it's really really really interesting... to me at least. have to blog now. before i forget.
BUT. before that. a package arrived today:
yeah that is a shitload of stamps isnt it. and look closer:
shit. that's the price of freaking express mail. which i paid for out of my own pocket. need to get this project done.. so no choice. crap. so moral of the story is... dont procrastinate. research early.
all right what i REALLY wanna talk about
so im doing this course in chinese cinema.. and my professor is a chinese guy who's been in the states for a damn long time and i think he's a damn big shot in the film world... he knows many of the famous directors etc... but anyway.
this week's film we were supposed to watch was broke---- mountain. and this is kinda sensitive topic so i wasnt sure whether i wanted to blog about it.. but then who the hell comes here anyway other than innocent harmless friends. so... i shall proceed.
so we were having a discussion in class.. (ok. to prevent being googled. or yahooed. or alta vista-ed or something... dont know why everyone says googled.. there're so damn many search engines. but anyway. yes. the director of broke, who of course is ang le-, shall be referred to as AL. and the film shall be broke). so my prof was saying that he and AL had gone out for some drinks sometime in 2003 and AL revealed to him his latest project as being broke, but he didnt go into specifics about the whole homosexuality issue. so my prof asked him when the film was going to be made and released. and AL said.. he couldnt do it now. not when his father was still alive. and my prof found it interesting... but he didnt push further.
so anyway AL's father did pass away, AL made the film after and of course he won the oscar and all. my prof said... he understood what Al meant when he said he could not make the film when his dad was alive, when he watched broke.
i dont really feeling like talking about this... coz it just... doesnt feel right to talk about. but.. it is just an interesting point of view. my prof suddenly said that in his opinion... he's quite certain that AL is 100% gay. if u've watched broke, one of the final scenes was when Ennis went to Jake's house after his death and the mum seemed to kinda accept him... my prof alluded it to a daughter-in-law being accepted finally in an Asian society. and he felt that's why AL said he could not make hte fim when his father was alive. coz i mean.. to us. Asians. it's still quite taboo.. especially for the older generation.. esp someone as well known as AL. who has a family himself. and my Prof said he thinks that... AL himself he can never ever admit it. and he never will.. so making a film.. in this way... (his first film too, by the way, was about homosexuality - wedding banquet) with such an ending... after his dad died was kinda his own way of like.. bringing some form of finality to things.
i was going to ask earlier why AL seemed to take a special interest in homosexual portrayals. but i guess i didnt have to anymore. at first i was like.. wait. what did my prof say... but my classmate beside me confirmed that i'd heard correctly. i asked my prof whether the film world thought the same as he did. and he said no they didnt. but he said he himself liked to... see films as a more personal thing. and linked them to the director.
my prof isnt someone who bullshits. or says things for the sake of being controversial. and in a way this isnt controversial. it's an opinion of someone who knows AL. and even him family. and the way he said it... it just seemed so sad...
so yeah. that's all on this for now.
----------------------------------------------
if anyone is free and has nothing to do... i suggest a really, really insightful good book called
"facing death in Cambodia" by Maguire Peter.
trust me. it's a really good read... not to completely sympathise and see cambodians as helpless individuals.. but to see how full of shit the international system is. danielle esp you should check it out since you read Loung Ung's bio.
all right. sigh. back to reality.
----------------------------------------------
ONE MORE THING.
reminder for self. no time to type anymore now... but have to talk about one last thing
singapore being seen... and even promoted as a gay capital of sorts:
http://iafrica.com/loveandsex/features/270778.htm
my prof was talking about it today. and i was like no! and everyone was hahahaa..
shit. ill talk about this another time.
---------------------------------------------
ok crap.last last edit.
just read the newpaper online and k dunst is saying some shit about spiderman being a flop without her, the director or tobey mcguire? o please. this is such a stupid doesnt matter thing. but seriously. please. i guess the role of a red headed vulnerable supposedly strong girl is too tough to handle for most. except of course. k dunst.
it's really really really interesting... to me at least. have to blog now. before i forget.
BUT. before that. a package arrived today:
yeah that is a shitload of stamps isnt it. and look closer:
shit. that's the price of freaking express mail. which i paid for out of my own pocket. need to get this project done.. so no choice. crap. so moral of the story is... dont procrastinate. research early.
all right what i REALLY wanna talk about
so im doing this course in chinese cinema.. and my professor is a chinese guy who's been in the states for a damn long time and i think he's a damn big shot in the film world... he knows many of the famous directors etc... but anyway.
this week's film we were supposed to watch was broke---- mountain. and this is kinda sensitive topic so i wasnt sure whether i wanted to blog about it.. but then who the hell comes here anyway other than innocent harmless friends. so... i shall proceed.
so we were having a discussion in class.. (ok. to prevent being googled. or yahooed. or alta vista-ed or something... dont know why everyone says googled.. there're so damn many search engines. but anyway. yes. the director of broke, who of course is ang le-, shall be referred to as AL. and the film shall be broke). so my prof was saying that he and AL had gone out for some drinks sometime in 2003 and AL revealed to him his latest project as being broke, but he didnt go into specifics about the whole homosexuality issue. so my prof asked him when the film was going to be made and released. and AL said.. he couldnt do it now. not when his father was still alive. and my prof found it interesting... but he didnt push further.
so anyway AL's father did pass away, AL made the film after and of course he won the oscar and all. my prof said... he understood what Al meant when he said he could not make the film when his dad was alive, when he watched broke.
i dont really feeling like talking about this... coz it just... doesnt feel right to talk about. but.. it is just an interesting point of view. my prof suddenly said that in his opinion... he's quite certain that AL is 100% gay. if u've watched broke, one of the final scenes was when Ennis went to Jake's house after his death and the mum seemed to kinda accept him... my prof alluded it to a daughter-in-law being accepted finally in an Asian society. and he felt that's why AL said he could not make hte fim when his father was alive. coz i mean.. to us. Asians. it's still quite taboo.. especially for the older generation.. esp someone as well known as AL. who has a family himself. and my Prof said he thinks that... AL himself he can never ever admit it. and he never will.. so making a film.. in this way... (his first film too, by the way, was about homosexuality - wedding banquet) with such an ending... after his dad died was kinda his own way of like.. bringing some form of finality to things.
i was going to ask earlier why AL seemed to take a special interest in homosexual portrayals. but i guess i didnt have to anymore. at first i was like.. wait. what did my prof say... but my classmate beside me confirmed that i'd heard correctly. i asked my prof whether the film world thought the same as he did. and he said no they didnt. but he said he himself liked to... see films as a more personal thing. and linked them to the director.
my prof isnt someone who bullshits. or says things for the sake of being controversial. and in a way this isnt controversial. it's an opinion of someone who knows AL. and even him family. and the way he said it... it just seemed so sad...
so yeah. that's all on this for now.
----------------------------------------------
if anyone is free and has nothing to do... i suggest a really, really insightful good book called
"facing death in Cambodia" by Maguire Peter.
trust me. it's a really good read... not to completely sympathise and see cambodians as helpless individuals.. but to see how full of shit the international system is. danielle esp you should check it out since you read Loung Ung's bio.
all right. sigh. back to reality.
----------------------------------------------
ONE MORE THING.
reminder for self. no time to type anymore now... but have to talk about one last thing
singapore being seen... and even promoted as a gay capital of sorts:
http://iafrica.com/loveandsex/features/270778.htm
my prof was talking about it today. and i was like no! and everyone was hahahaa..
shit. ill talk about this another time.
---------------------------------------------
ok crap.last last edit.
just read the newpaper online and k dunst is saying some shit about spiderman being a flop without her, the director or tobey mcguire? o please. this is such a stupid doesnt matter thing. but seriously. please. i guess the role of a red headed vulnerable supposedly strong girl is too tough to handle for most. except of course. k dunst.
Wednesday, April 18, 2007
.
i have a shitload of things to do but i cant concentrate.
i havent been able to get the shootings off my mind.
especially after i found out that the gunman was asian.
i know that backlash has started in some places and will continue...
amongst senseless people who are unable to see that this is an isolated incident
i know im being over sensitive. but when i went to school today...
just tried to shrug off feelings of people... staring at you more than normal
but i think it's kinda just my own imagination.
it's just me. but i didnt go to a class today coz of this.
i am being stupid. but i just dont wanna be out there.
even more than usual
at dinner just now.
there was a girl who said she didn't care at all. an american. i cant understand that.
another of my south korean friends said... there had actually been a movie night scheduled for a korean film this thursday but it might be cancelled in light of this incident. she couldnt understand why. but i kinda can.
another girl said she found it stupid. it shouldn be cancelled. they had nothing to do with the incident.
there's actually a meeting later at the asian american cultural center...
the asians no campus.. and in particular the south koreans have been receiving email after email about this...
they're gonna be talking about kinda like. the implications. on the asian american community.
and i really want to go.
i wont mind going alone usually.
but just not this time. and i cant find anyone else to go.
so im not.
i guess i just have to return to doing my work.
and taking my mind off this.
i havent been able to get the shootings off my mind.
especially after i found out that the gunman was asian.
i know that backlash has started in some places and will continue...
amongst senseless people who are unable to see that this is an isolated incident
i know im being over sensitive. but when i went to school today...
just tried to shrug off feelings of people... staring at you more than normal
but i think it's kinda just my own imagination.
it's just me. but i didnt go to a class today coz of this.
i am being stupid. but i just dont wanna be out there.
even more than usual
at dinner just now.
there was a girl who said she didn't care at all. an american. i cant understand that.
another of my south korean friends said... there had actually been a movie night scheduled for a korean film this thursday but it might be cancelled in light of this incident. she couldnt understand why. but i kinda can.
another girl said she found it stupid. it shouldn be cancelled. they had nothing to do with the incident.
there's actually a meeting later at the asian american cultural center...
the asians no campus.. and in particular the south koreans have been receiving email after email about this...
they're gonna be talking about kinda like. the implications. on the asian american community.
and i really want to go.
i wont mind going alone usually.
but just not this time. and i cant find anyone else to go.
so im not.
i guess i just have to return to doing my work.
and taking my mind off this.
Tuesday, April 17, 2007
virginia tech shootings
i just read the news online that the dealiest campus shootings in the United States just occured this morning at Virginia Tech.
33 dead including the gunman and at least 29 wounded. apparently one was killed in a dorm, and the rest in a classroom.
all i can say is.. it's scary. scary that such a thing could happen so suddenly and in a small town campus...
and immensely sad.
bush expressed his condolences of the victims, and talked about the laws on guns in the US.
"The president believes that there is a right for people to bear arms, but that all laws must be followed" - meaning of course that in this case it is 'against the law' to bring guns on a college campus for the use of killing poeple.
that sentence just infuriates the shit out of me.
if u're gonna cultivate a damn gun culture. you think every single person who owns a shitty weapon is a responsible sane individual who wont fire off whenever he/she pleases?
bullshit.
but i guess this isnt the thing to talk about now. but definitely in the future.
it's so sad. and so scary.
i cant imagine if that happened here.
i feel really affected, as im sure all other college students here do, even though it's far away.
but really it kinda isnt that far.
33 dead including the gunman and at least 29 wounded. apparently one was killed in a dorm, and the rest in a classroom.
all i can say is.. it's scary. scary that such a thing could happen so suddenly and in a small town campus...
and immensely sad.
bush expressed his condolences of the victims, and talked about the laws on guns in the US.
"The president believes that there is a right for people to bear arms, but that all laws must be followed" - meaning of course that in this case it is 'against the law' to bring guns on a college campus for the use of killing poeple.
that sentence just infuriates the shit out of me.
if u're gonna cultivate a damn gun culture. you think every single person who owns a shitty weapon is a responsible sane individual who wont fire off whenever he/she pleases?
bullshit.
but i guess this isnt the thing to talk about now. but definitely in the future.
it's so sad. and so scary.
i cant imagine if that happened here.
i feel really affected, as im sure all other college students here do, even though it's far away.
but really it kinda isnt that far.
Wednesday, April 11, 2007
minor victories
i scored a minor victory last monday, last saturday and today. but now im looking back and all i can do is cringe.
i wish i sounded way more intelligent when i speak. i wish i had the gift of eloquence. and actually was intelligent.
it seems like people are able to just go on and on.. like what's your opinion on this.. dadadaa... sigh.
and all i can offer is.. hmmm... i dont know. hurhurrrr.. freeze.
whatever it is i always sound like a mountain tortoise. sigh. how.
im going to kill myself for the rest of my life over every little thing i say.
have exactly 12 hours now til my first lesson tomorrow to write my essay. sigh.
its actually not torturing. because the topic really interests me.
but the thing about writing is how... you have to incorporate points from books and articles here and there so that you have an impressive bibliography and collection of 'footnotes'... and everything has to come into a cohesive manner and the difficulty comes in finding points from all over hte place to link together... i dont know.
ok. it's possible.
am still a member of the girl guides as a young adult... and they send emails now and then over very interesting things... like being a leader for some scouts/guides in some singapore amazing race thing... or extremely interesting jobs.. there was once they sent an application for some international work in switzerland... and there's an extremely interesting internship they forwarded too today... too bad i cant work anything out with the current situation. hmm.. or can i.
think the opportunities to do things are really out there...
gotta grab it when you can.
ok. the end.
i wish i sounded way more intelligent when i speak. i wish i had the gift of eloquence. and actually was intelligent.
it seems like people are able to just go on and on.. like what's your opinion on this.. dadadaa... sigh.
and all i can offer is.. hmmm... i dont know. hurhurrrr.. freeze.
whatever it is i always sound like a mountain tortoise. sigh. how.
im going to kill myself for the rest of my life over every little thing i say.
have exactly 12 hours now til my first lesson tomorrow to write my essay. sigh.
its actually not torturing. because the topic really interests me.
but the thing about writing is how... you have to incorporate points from books and articles here and there so that you have an impressive bibliography and collection of 'footnotes'... and everything has to come into a cohesive manner and the difficulty comes in finding points from all over hte place to link together... i dont know.
ok. it's possible.
am still a member of the girl guides as a young adult... and they send emails now and then over very interesting things... like being a leader for some scouts/guides in some singapore amazing race thing... or extremely interesting jobs.. there was once they sent an application for some international work in switzerland... and there's an extremely interesting internship they forwarded too today... too bad i cant work anything out with the current situation. hmm.. or can i.
think the opportunities to do things are really out there...
gotta grab it when you can.
ok. the end.
Tuesday, April 10, 2007
kim il sung is shit
i gave up reading the library books on north korea coz i was just too tired and couldnt absorb.. so i turned to youtube.
check out these 2 videos from the national geographic channel.
i mean it. watch it. stop studying for just 20 mins.
it's crazy. just crazy. and amazingly sad.
and this clip is some popular south korean boyband ShinHwa when they performed in north korea last time during unification talks.. according to my roommate.. i think everyone just has no idea what the heck they're doing
my roommate said that for those lucky few north korean defectors who somehow manage to make their way into south korea, the government gives them housing in some remote place and doesnt list their address or telephone number in the directory... so no one knows where they are because there're spies from north korea who go to the south to seek out these people...
and when she was in korea... there was this huge uproar... 45 mins away from her place apparently there was a family of north korean defectors staying in some remote housing... and they were all killed. no one saw it but they were found dead.
it's crazy. people can say that n korea is communist. nuclear weapons. all that shit.
but there's just so much more to it.. it's really like a living hell...
crazy. just crazy.
check out these 2 videos from the national geographic channel.
i mean it. watch it. stop studying for just 20 mins.
it's crazy. just crazy. and amazingly sad.
and this clip is some popular south korean boyband ShinHwa when they performed in north korea last time during unification talks.. according to my roommate.. i think everyone just has no idea what the heck they're doing
my roommate said that for those lucky few north korean defectors who somehow manage to make their way into south korea, the government gives them housing in some remote place and doesnt list their address or telephone number in the directory... so no one knows where they are because there're spies from north korea who go to the south to seek out these people...
and when she was in korea... there was this huge uproar... 45 mins away from her place apparently there was a family of north korean defectors staying in some remote housing... and they were all killed. no one saw it but they were found dead.
it's crazy. people can say that n korea is communist. nuclear weapons. all that shit.
but there's just so much more to it.. it's really like a living hell...
crazy. just crazy.
Sunday, April 08, 2007
.
feel so stupid.
guess that's the theme for the past year. and especially today.
-------------------------------
just typed that a couple of hours ago. and. i feel differently now.
the rise and fall.. of a teenager's mood. yes. teenager. still. good.
im glad whatever happened did.
i want to say something about.. religion.
over the course of the past year... there've been long periods of stagnation. and then one sudden, sudden moving moment. which then fades away... as quickly as it appeared.
but still... it seems to be the only place i can find.. perfect sanctuary in.
some people go to church because they like the songs...
is that really part of believing?
over the year... i have developed many opinions and interest.. in many areas. essentially world affairs. but which are just very much human. it's kinda like our constructions. the initial spark is amazing. the gain of knowledge always is. but it just leaves you really kinda.. dry and empty after. coz you never get a satisfactory answer. to satisfy your anger. or sadness.
the same thing applies to just... other things in life.
i remember someone said before... at the end of the day when you go back to your room.. lie on your bed.. stare at the ceiling.. you feel nothing. emptiness.
someone told me a few weeks ago that person felt religion was a kinda social construction. person believed that probably. there was some higher power. but.. different religions were just something that developed along with society and culture.
and i admit that has been something ive thought about a lot.
it made me wonder if id strayed.
or was just completely lost.
i did begin to think.. whether this logic was right. when you look at the many, many denominations, different ways of practice, some of the 'leaders of the church' themselves behaving NOTHING like how christians should behave... there're just so many things. and at the end of the day, i think there'll always be a part of me that is a doubting thomas.
today has been a tiring day in so so many ways. i have so much to do... i cant even fathom. anything. and then... there was that. i came back. drained. but after a while.. i was refreshed. ive been listening to songs.. and thinking about this for a few hours now.. and im not sure what to conclude still really.
i really feel that there is no other place i can seem to find peace and sanctuary... other than time with God. but i wondered whether this was just an escape. and nothing more. an excuse of sorts.
"So if you’re waitin' for love
Well, it’s a promise I'll keep
If you don’t mind believing that it changes everything
Time will never matter..."
guess that's the theme for the past year. and especially today.
-------------------------------
just typed that a couple of hours ago. and. i feel differently now.
the rise and fall.. of a teenager's mood. yes. teenager. still. good.
im glad whatever happened did.
i want to say something about.. religion.
over the course of the past year... there've been long periods of stagnation. and then one sudden, sudden moving moment. which then fades away... as quickly as it appeared.
but still... it seems to be the only place i can find.. perfect sanctuary in.
some people go to church because they like the songs...
is that really part of believing?
over the year... i have developed many opinions and interest.. in many areas. essentially world affairs. but which are just very much human. it's kinda like our constructions. the initial spark is amazing. the gain of knowledge always is. but it just leaves you really kinda.. dry and empty after. coz you never get a satisfactory answer. to satisfy your anger. or sadness.
the same thing applies to just... other things in life.
i remember someone said before... at the end of the day when you go back to your room.. lie on your bed.. stare at the ceiling.. you feel nothing. emptiness.
someone told me a few weeks ago that person felt religion was a kinda social construction. person believed that probably. there was some higher power. but.. different religions were just something that developed along with society and culture.
and i admit that has been something ive thought about a lot.
it made me wonder if id strayed.
or was just completely lost.
i did begin to think.. whether this logic was right. when you look at the many, many denominations, different ways of practice, some of the 'leaders of the church' themselves behaving NOTHING like how christians should behave... there're just so many things. and at the end of the day, i think there'll always be a part of me that is a doubting thomas.
today has been a tiring day in so so many ways. i have so much to do... i cant even fathom. anything. and then... there was that. i came back. drained. but after a while.. i was refreshed. ive been listening to songs.. and thinking about this for a few hours now.. and im not sure what to conclude still really.
i really feel that there is no other place i can seem to find peace and sanctuary... other than time with God. but i wondered whether this was just an escape. and nothing more. an excuse of sorts.
"So if you’re waitin' for love
Well, it’s a promise I'll keep
If you don’t mind believing that it changes everything
Time will never matter..."
Saturday, April 07, 2007
m fay. i think he deserved it though.
man i have two huge essays to hand up by next wed and it's already friday evening... am trying to do the polsci one first...
i need to analyze two other approaches towards international relations and compare them to realism... and i chose peace studies and postmodernism. i think PM is the 'toughest' out of the lot.. in terms of conceptualisation and explanation but i wanted to kinda master it.. was reading some stuff just now. it's kinda cool in all its abstractness but can be so damn annoying too...
anyway. i did my theory test and got my permit to learn driving yesterday. in the US everything is so damn lax in regards to driving... i just freaking looked through some road signs in the book... got an 88 on the test and passed. everyone said it was so damn easy and required only common sense and i thought it would be a breeze. but i started panicking like hell when i'd done the 5th ques and already got 2 wrong... there was a practice question before and i even got that wrong. i seriously am just plain stupid and nonsensical. the question was what should you do when you're driving and feeling sleepy... and i freaking selected something along the lines of 'on the radio'. my logic was that... if you stopped every time you felt sleepy half the cars on the road would be stationary and sleepiness comes and goes, you have to learn to control, tahan and chiong on. but apparently i was wrong. the answer is stop, get out of the car and wait a while.
.... that really does make more sense. but i made it. passed. so good. sometimes i hate doing this cheapskate method. coz i really am not learning driving properly and if i want to learn something i wanna do it thoroughly man. nevermind. ill read up more when i get back to sg. so i got my permit to learn driving, and here as long as you have the permit you can just get your friends who have a license to teach you and can even drive on the streets. i wanna learn manual, and a friend gave me a lesson just now. we went through what is this that.. i have new respect for engineers again. it really is true that people's brains are wired differently to absorb different stuff. give me science - ok can. arts - can can. engineering mechanical stuff. im screwed big time man. feel like a freaking guniang trying to drive. but anyway. talked about some things, friend demoed some stuff, and off we went. i went. in the parking lot. i gave friend and myself a few heart attacks many times. it's definitely easier auto, but manual is the way to go for me man. i think. starting to have some reservations now. haa. man. i dont know if i can ever conquer this huge piece of metal. i seriously hope i dont kill somebody one day. it's just so freaking easy for accidents to happen.
*part deleted*
what are politics... but a stupid never ending fight between selfish human beings.
i shall not upset myself with such bullshit.
i need to analyze two other approaches towards international relations and compare them to realism... and i chose peace studies and postmodernism. i think PM is the 'toughest' out of the lot.. in terms of conceptualisation and explanation but i wanted to kinda master it.. was reading some stuff just now. it's kinda cool in all its abstractness but can be so damn annoying too...
anyway. i did my theory test and got my permit to learn driving yesterday. in the US everything is so damn lax in regards to driving... i just freaking looked through some road signs in the book... got an 88 on the test and passed. everyone said it was so damn easy and required only common sense and i thought it would be a breeze. but i started panicking like hell when i'd done the 5th ques and already got 2 wrong... there was a practice question before and i even got that wrong. i seriously am just plain stupid and nonsensical. the question was what should you do when you're driving and feeling sleepy... and i freaking selected something along the lines of 'on the radio'. my logic was that... if you stopped every time you felt sleepy half the cars on the road would be stationary and sleepiness comes and goes, you have to learn to control, tahan and chiong on. but apparently i was wrong. the answer is stop, get out of the car and wait a while.
.... that really does make more sense. but i made it. passed. so good. sometimes i hate doing this cheapskate method. coz i really am not learning driving properly and if i want to learn something i wanna do it thoroughly man. nevermind. ill read up more when i get back to sg. so i got my permit to learn driving, and here as long as you have the permit you can just get your friends who have a license to teach you and can even drive on the streets. i wanna learn manual, and a friend gave me a lesson just now. we went through what is this that.. i have new respect for engineers again. it really is true that people's brains are wired differently to absorb different stuff. give me science - ok can. arts - can can. engineering mechanical stuff. im screwed big time man. feel like a freaking guniang trying to drive. but anyway. talked about some things, friend demoed some stuff, and off we went. i went. in the parking lot. i gave friend and myself a few heart attacks many times. it's definitely easier auto, but manual is the way to go for me man. i think. starting to have some reservations now. haa. man. i dont know if i can ever conquer this huge piece of metal. i seriously hope i dont kill somebody one day. it's just so freaking easy for accidents to happen.
*part deleted*
what are politics... but a stupid never ending fight between selfish human beings.
i shall not upset myself with such bullshit.
Wednesday, April 04, 2007
words
i think the power of words is incredible. words are way more powerful than people think they are.
ok what's that overused cheesy phrase... sticks and stones can break my bones but words will never hurt me... o right that actually goes against what im saying. hmm. hahahaa.
i guess that's the ideal.. if one is able to shield oneself from poisonous words, but it's obviously not as easy as it sounds. you know how like.. there are these cases where kids grow up in a certain environment for example... if all they receive are negative words from their parents... it just kills them off.. and kinda throws them off as individuals.. sometimes people make a comment which they think nothing off.. and one might laugh it off.. but the hurtful effect of words do linger. it's the whole psychological thing. i think psych is way. way. way. more power than anything physical.
in other words... there're actually some aspects of dorm life i really like coz my friends are on this floor... but i cannot wait. to move out away from my roommate. i dont know how many more conversations and words of poison i can take. im sick of hearing such superficial, cruel, ugly words. i think i can be a pretty sensitive person.. and even if i hear a couple of conversations it bothers me. but seriously it's been a year. i dont want to elaborate. but it is very mentally and emotionally draining. i think uni really... prepares you for life and takes you out of whatever nicely decorated hole you'd been living in before... if you put yourself out there and meet the million different kinds of people in the world...
it's ok. 1 plus more months...
one more thing. i found out that my freaking 20 page essay for my chinese cinema class can be about any topic and analyze any film. i think i'll prob tackle some local films... maybe focus on a royston tan film or something... man. i am so excited about my essays. to think of something is really... like.. pure bliss. but to do it.. it's a totally different matter. sigh. tomorrow. tomorrow i will transform.
ok what's that overused cheesy phrase... sticks and stones can break my bones but words will never hurt me... o right that actually goes against what im saying. hmm. hahahaa.
i guess that's the ideal.. if one is able to shield oneself from poisonous words, but it's obviously not as easy as it sounds. you know how like.. there are these cases where kids grow up in a certain environment for example... if all they receive are negative words from their parents... it just kills them off.. and kinda throws them off as individuals.. sometimes people make a comment which they think nothing off.. and one might laugh it off.. but the hurtful effect of words do linger. it's the whole psychological thing. i think psych is way. way. way. more power than anything physical.
in other words... there're actually some aspects of dorm life i really like coz my friends are on this floor... but i cannot wait. to move out away from my roommate. i dont know how many more conversations and words of poison i can take. im sick of hearing such superficial, cruel, ugly words. i think i can be a pretty sensitive person.. and even if i hear a couple of conversations it bothers me. but seriously it's been a year. i dont want to elaborate. but it is very mentally and emotionally draining. i think uni really... prepares you for life and takes you out of whatever nicely decorated hole you'd been living in before... if you put yourself out there and meet the million different kinds of people in the world...
it's ok. 1 plus more months...
one more thing. i found out that my freaking 20 page essay for my chinese cinema class can be about any topic and analyze any film. i think i'll prob tackle some local films... maybe focus on a royston tan film or something... man. i am so excited about my essays. to think of something is really... like.. pure bliss. but to do it.. it's a totally different matter. sigh. tomorrow. tomorrow i will transform.
Tuesday, April 03, 2007
its been some time
last week was pretty eventful. every week is. there're like new problems. challenges. anger. sadness. but that makes any elation or... act of kindness even more... wow. damn. is life good or what. (yes.)
ok before i start.. things to talk about in case i forget
(1) bhatt
(2) democracy?
(3) "poor" people
(4) my plans...
(5) raw letter
(6) random bullshit if any
(7) bible
(1) i went to the see my major advisor that day... and the dean was available and so i met with her. i almost feel apologetic about that.. me. a small fry. meeting with a freaking dean to discuss a relatively insignifcant and to make things worse complicated academic plan. but she was really really nice. and when i told her i was from singapore she got all excited.. apparently she and her husband brought a group of students there during the winter/summer study abroad from my uni and she's just... really impressed how such a small country... has made such a name for itself and is just doing so damn well. i think that's one thing we dont realise being stuck in singapore... we mentally acknowledge how damn small the country is.. but we dont really digest it. or how it's so amazing that we've come so damn far. ive been doing a million lessons on the developing countries of the global south and it's really a freaking miracle thats what it is. we could so easily have still.. remained a developing country... and no disrespect to anyone. but to be able to lead such a comfortable life.. count our blessings man.
anyway the dean was going on and on... and... for a moment it hit me. that an american professor has so much more pride in our tiny country than so many of us. one thing about students in singapore... and what i hear often from friends... hurhur... everyone complains about how difficult education is... all that bullshit. of course i belonged to this category too. but hearing the dean say how highly she thought of the students and profs... i was like... yea everyone is very academically driven (and i didnt say that in a positive light) and she was like yea that's what makes you so great, that's what makes your country so great! you guys should be very proud. it kinda emphasized something which ive been thinking about the past year.. we can bullshit and complain all we want.. but the fact is that if not for this... rigorous education.. sg wont be as developed as it were.. we wont be as 'knowledgeable' as we were.. know what i mean? so really... i think it's more of.. a blessing than anything else.. although there's so much pressure and shit.. but sometimes it's kinda like what you wanna make out of it.. i dont know.
(2) i was just reading some pol sci stuff... and seriously. all pol sci material mentions our little island home as being more authoritarian.. in particular one paragraph made me go hmmmm... hurhurhur:
"Hong Kong and Singapore have a different political profile. They are both former British colonies... Although not as repressive or militarized as South korea and Taiwan during the Cold War era, Hongkong and Singapore were not democracies either. Hongkong was ruled by a Brtish Governor and Singapore by a dominant individual (who once banned sales of the Asian Wall Street Journal after it criticized him)."
- International Relations Brief 06-07 Edition, Goldstein and Pevehouse
hmmm. i wonder how that dominant individual is.. dont you.. ha. touchy subject. a while back person and i were talking about singapore politics.. and person was criticizing the gov.. the usual so rigid.. blah blah all the usual bullshit.. and i was like yea.. after coming here ive realised that.. to speak of us as a democracy... might not in the most accurate light (im trying not to say things expicitly.. for certain reasons need to think.. a lot before i write some things).. but if not for everything that happened... we would not be where we are today. and then person would be bemoaning about class disparities (which actually in retrospect is unlikely coz person is very rich and would prob be in the corrupted classes...). i was searching online that day and i watched this video called Singapore Rebel... which is like... exposing the gov apparently.. or rather i watched about 3 minutes of it and it got too cheesy to take. i dont know. i think ill keep my opinions to myself.. more or less.. but one thing i have to say is.. im sure that.. things are never perfect, and im sure we as citizens will not always know what is going on.. that is all part of politics. but it's a fact we are doing well. we have progressed. it does not mean we should not question or have minds of our own.. so in that way really it's everyone's duty to be aware of what is going on.. but it also does not mean that we should fall to the other extreme of becoming a 'Singapore rebel'. for my own safety, i shall conclude for now on this topic.
(3) another interesting paragraph which struck a chord with me.. it's about... aid to developing nations and their people:
"One version of 'missionary' assistance - advertised widely in the US - lets citizens in rich countries 'adopt' poor children in the global South. Photos of a hungry child stare at the reader from a magazine page while the accompanying text notes that a few cents a day can 'save' the child. Although such programs raise awareness in the North of the extent of poverty in the South, at worst they tend to be exploitive and to reinforce racist and paternalistic stereotypes of the helplessness of people in the global South."
- International Relations Brief 06-07 edition, Goldstein and Pevehouse
how true. indeed. maybe one would call me a hypocrite. i dont seem to be doing anything to help the situation either. well. all i can say is... we can talk about this. and there are things that the future might hold. right now... i am trying to learn. learn about situations. about things. ok forget it. i am not gonna talk about this or justify myself. coz that disgusts me. i was talking to my prof that day about the iraq war... and basically we were talking about. how... all these internal wars.. problems.. you should leave it to the people themselves to sort it out.. fight it out themselves. there are many things which the outside world CANNOT intervene in. which some do for sinister intentions. others might have good intentions... but end up screwing things up making them even worse than before.
in regards to the paragraph above.. that's something ive been thinking about too.. in relation to what i just said. in doing so.. in looking at them that way.. it really is already like being a freaking damn racist. and as you just give that 2 bucks to adopt a child or whatever it is... you might feel good that you're doing something for the child.. but somewhere deep inside at least 1% of you is going. damn. am i a saint or what. this child is so poor thing.. followed by an unconscious slew of slightly racist thoughts. racism is more common than its usage. i dont know. it's so difficult to.. acknowledge the fact genuinely that we are all of the same level... all equal... and where do we draw the line between.. empathy maybe.. and too much sympathy.
sigh. ok. end of topic again.
(4) my plans to study abroad... need to go through a SHITLOAD of bureaucracy red tape. i hope it works out.
i dont know why that came to my mind that day. am i becoming more tofu-like. that is terrible.
(5) during my search on singapore videos that day i came across this... interesting sg short film called raw letter. and i watched it as part of my plans for procrastination. and... i am not recomending it in any way. but if anyone needs some entertainment or feels like going hahaaaha... or huhhhhhh or ... even.. o please... you can check it out. it is.. in the least.. somewhat entertaining.
(6) i have essays to write on north korea and postmodernism and peace studies. honestly i have come to the conclusion that... there is nothing truely substantial or detailed that you can learn in an undergrad degree.. rushing through stuff.. sometimes doing the bare minimum just to get things done with.. although i think it might be different back home. i dont know. but i am.. somehow going to try. to learn something. and more than just vaguely. these freaking long papers are due on 11 april.. so a long absence might be due again. provided nothing catastrophic happens between now and then... unless i include blogging in my procrastination plans.
(7) i came across a verse that day which struck me... so i'll just end with that.
Every child of God defeats this evil world by trusting Christ to give the victory.
1 John 5:4
ok before i start.. things to talk about in case i forget
(1) bhatt
(2) democracy?
(3) "poor" people
(4) my plans...
(5) raw letter
(6) random bullshit if any
(7) bible
(1) i went to the see my major advisor that day... and the dean was available and so i met with her. i almost feel apologetic about that.. me. a small fry. meeting with a freaking dean to discuss a relatively insignifcant and to make things worse complicated academic plan. but she was really really nice. and when i told her i was from singapore she got all excited.. apparently she and her husband brought a group of students there during the winter/summer study abroad from my uni and she's just... really impressed how such a small country... has made such a name for itself and is just doing so damn well. i think that's one thing we dont realise being stuck in singapore... we mentally acknowledge how damn small the country is.. but we dont really digest it. or how it's so amazing that we've come so damn far. ive been doing a million lessons on the developing countries of the global south and it's really a freaking miracle thats what it is. we could so easily have still.. remained a developing country... and no disrespect to anyone. but to be able to lead such a comfortable life.. count our blessings man.
anyway the dean was going on and on... and... for a moment it hit me. that an american professor has so much more pride in our tiny country than so many of us. one thing about students in singapore... and what i hear often from friends... hurhur... everyone complains about how difficult education is... all that bullshit. of course i belonged to this category too. but hearing the dean say how highly she thought of the students and profs... i was like... yea everyone is very academically driven (and i didnt say that in a positive light) and she was like yea that's what makes you so great, that's what makes your country so great! you guys should be very proud. it kinda emphasized something which ive been thinking about the past year.. we can bullshit and complain all we want.. but the fact is that if not for this... rigorous education.. sg wont be as developed as it were.. we wont be as 'knowledgeable' as we were.. know what i mean? so really... i think it's more of.. a blessing than anything else.. although there's so much pressure and shit.. but sometimes it's kinda like what you wanna make out of it.. i dont know.
(2) i was just reading some pol sci stuff... and seriously. all pol sci material mentions our little island home as being more authoritarian.. in particular one paragraph made me go hmmmm... hurhurhur:
"Hong Kong and Singapore have a different political profile. They are both former British colonies... Although not as repressive or militarized as South korea and Taiwan during the Cold War era, Hongkong and Singapore were not democracies either. Hongkong was ruled by a Brtish Governor and Singapore by a dominant individual (who once banned sales of the Asian Wall Street Journal after it criticized him)."
- International Relations Brief 06-07 Edition, Goldstein and Pevehouse
hmmm. i wonder how that dominant individual is.. dont you.. ha. touchy subject. a while back person and i were talking about singapore politics.. and person was criticizing the gov.. the usual so rigid.. blah blah all the usual bullshit.. and i was like yea.. after coming here ive realised that.. to speak of us as a democracy... might not in the most accurate light (im trying not to say things expicitly.. for certain reasons need to think.. a lot before i write some things).. but if not for everything that happened... we would not be where we are today. and then person would be bemoaning about class disparities (which actually in retrospect is unlikely coz person is very rich and would prob be in the corrupted classes...). i was searching online that day and i watched this video called Singapore Rebel... which is like... exposing the gov apparently.. or rather i watched about 3 minutes of it and it got too cheesy to take. i dont know. i think ill keep my opinions to myself.. more or less.. but one thing i have to say is.. im sure that.. things are never perfect, and im sure we as citizens will not always know what is going on.. that is all part of politics. but it's a fact we are doing well. we have progressed. it does not mean we should not question or have minds of our own.. so in that way really it's everyone's duty to be aware of what is going on.. but it also does not mean that we should fall to the other extreme of becoming a 'Singapore rebel'. for my own safety, i shall conclude for now on this topic.
(3) another interesting paragraph which struck a chord with me.. it's about... aid to developing nations and their people:
"One version of 'missionary' assistance - advertised widely in the US - lets citizens in rich countries 'adopt' poor children in the global South. Photos of a hungry child stare at the reader from a magazine page while the accompanying text notes that a few cents a day can 'save' the child. Although such programs raise awareness in the North of the extent of poverty in the South, at worst they tend to be exploitive and to reinforce racist and paternalistic stereotypes of the helplessness of people in the global South."
- International Relations Brief 06-07 edition, Goldstein and Pevehouse
how true. indeed. maybe one would call me a hypocrite. i dont seem to be doing anything to help the situation either. well. all i can say is... we can talk about this. and there are things that the future might hold. right now... i am trying to learn. learn about situations. about things. ok forget it. i am not gonna talk about this or justify myself. coz that disgusts me. i was talking to my prof that day about the iraq war... and basically we were talking about. how... all these internal wars.. problems.. you should leave it to the people themselves to sort it out.. fight it out themselves. there are many things which the outside world CANNOT intervene in. which some do for sinister intentions. others might have good intentions... but end up screwing things up making them even worse than before.
in regards to the paragraph above.. that's something ive been thinking about too.. in relation to what i just said. in doing so.. in looking at them that way.. it really is already like being a freaking damn racist. and as you just give that 2 bucks to adopt a child or whatever it is... you might feel good that you're doing something for the child.. but somewhere deep inside at least 1% of you is going. damn. am i a saint or what. this child is so poor thing.. followed by an unconscious slew of slightly racist thoughts. racism is more common than its usage. i dont know. it's so difficult to.. acknowledge the fact genuinely that we are all of the same level... all equal... and where do we draw the line between.. empathy maybe.. and too much sympathy.
sigh. ok. end of topic again.
(4) my plans to study abroad... need to go through a SHITLOAD of bureaucracy red tape. i hope it works out.
i dont know why that came to my mind that day. am i becoming more tofu-like. that is terrible.
(5) during my search on singapore videos that day i came across this... interesting sg short film called raw letter. and i watched it as part of my plans for procrastination. and... i am not recomending it in any way. but if anyone needs some entertainment or feels like going hahaaaha... or huhhhhhh or ... even.. o please... you can check it out. it is.. in the least.. somewhat entertaining.
(6) i have essays to write on north korea and postmodernism and peace studies. honestly i have come to the conclusion that... there is nothing truely substantial or detailed that you can learn in an undergrad degree.. rushing through stuff.. sometimes doing the bare minimum just to get things done with.. although i think it might be different back home. i dont know. but i am.. somehow going to try. to learn something. and more than just vaguely. these freaking long papers are due on 11 april.. so a long absence might be due again. provided nothing catastrophic happens between now and then... unless i include blogging in my procrastination plans.
(7) i came across a verse that day which struck me... so i'll just end with that.
Every child of God defeats this evil world by trusting Christ to give the victory.
1 John 5:4
Tuesday, March 27, 2007
pills
this is a crucial week.
i dont know why. but suddenly it's become really dark. suddenly.
i think the forces of suppression and like.. obssession.. they kinda work together.
my roommate's highschool friend died in the iraq war a couple of weeks ago.
he was 20.
ants have been invading my room. i hope they leave. quick.
it's weird but sometimes all it takes is just that one spark. that one small action of kindness. or whatever it is.
and it just changes everything. even the smallest things that people might not realise.
no man is an island man.
dont tell me you dont need... company.
that's bullshit.
if only they worked.
i dont know why. but suddenly it's become really dark. suddenly.
i think the forces of suppression and like.. obssession.. they kinda work together.
my roommate's highschool friend died in the iraq war a couple of weeks ago.
he was 20.
ants have been invading my room. i hope they leave. quick.
it's weird but sometimes all it takes is just that one spark. that one small action of kindness. or whatever it is.
and it just changes everything. even the smallest things that people might not realise.
no man is an island man.
dont tell me you dont need... company.
that's bullshit.
if only they worked.
Sunday, March 25, 2007
back
im back from springbreak... and it was great. for many reasons. but i dont want to talk about it now too. for many reasons.
maybe another time.
but im glad whatever happened happened. whoever went went.
why. why are people just so damn disappointing
maybe another time.
but im glad whatever happened happened. whoever went went.
why. why are people just so damn disappointing
Saturday, March 17, 2007
Wednesday, March 14, 2007
Seoul Train
i got a notice on this "international movies night" at the library held on tuesday night. and they were showing these films on korean refugees trying to get into china out of the oppression and hardship in north korea, and something about the rwandan genocide. and i decided to go. and lo and behold i was the only person there. i think this is how things usually work. universities might seem like they have a crapload of enriching activities. but if no one really notices/bothers to check out the flyer, honestly nothing happens. but then again.. having a whole room to myself is great.
anyway the documentary was called Seoul Train. it was an hour long... but really was an eye opener to the whole N korea and China situation.. and very, very sad.
basically there are many north koreans who are trying to escape from the terrible oppression and hardship from the retard of a kim jong il regime which is just completely breaking down the country. there were snippets of north korea itself.. yes.. amazing.. from a secret video cam which someone used to take videos of life in north korea and it just looked so, so, backward and sad. kinda like how we're all living in 2007 and north korea is a century behind. the saddest thing were the children, who are said to be starving so badly that their growth now is 7-8 inches behind south korean children, even though they are all from the same gene pool. and there they are running all over the mud, finding for food.. even eating stuff off the ground.. with many scabs, scars all that.. all over their bodies.. it's just shocking that with the progression of the world and the problems us urbanized idiots face today.. i dont know. i guess it is unfair to compare.. but it really is a tragedy.
the main issue is that the chinese government.. is damn unfeeling. they do not recognise these north koreans who escape through the border separating the 2 countries as refugees, and hunt them down in china to get them sent back to north korea. and the problem with n korea being a stupidass totalitarian regime is that once these people leave, are seen as traitors, as having committed the biggest crime of betrayal to the regime. when they go back they're sent to political prison camps, tortured, forced into hard labour, or even executed immediately, and many of them die in the camps, regardless of age/gender.. whatever it is. so these people have created an underground movement in china to help these north koreans... many of whom try to get into china, and then return to south korea. but the chinese are just damn cold. and unfeeling. the thing is there're so many security checks to make it through.. for months some activists in this underground movement feed these north koreans to pass them off as south koreans.. teach them things.. observe the security.. the change of guards/policemen etc.. because they know that if they get caught. it's the end. they'll be deported and basically screwed after that.
i can understand why china would be unwilling in a way to accept these 'refugees', because it'd prob lead to an increased influx of more n koreans into their country which MIGHT create an economic strain... (but then again.. bullshit.. the country is seriously like how damn big).. but the fact is that they could let them enter, and exit, to s korea. or mongolia. which is where they wanna go. it's not as though the n koreans wanna stay in china where they're treated to so much suspicion etc the entire time.
these north koreans try to save themselves.. by dashing into embassies.. coz once they're behind the gates, on the grounds of the embassies.. they are safe. they will be recognized as refugees there, and saved. there was a particular family, just one in so many... they obeserved the change of guards etc at the embassies.. made plans how to chiong in when the gate opened.. but this mother, and the little girl... they couldnt make it through. their attempt was just killed off by the guards. you can imagine the activist watching from the window.. as the plan unfolds only to fail completely... a few of these attempts were caught on the Seoul Train dvd.. and it's just really really sad... coz these people know what's in for them when they're gonna be caught... and the activists themselves are in grave danger. some interviewed for the documentary all had to wear masks.
i watched some parts of the bonus features.. and there was an 11 minute video from these people who again secretly filmed in north korea.. they have these public executions where the officials make people come to watch... even teachers bringing some children... and the judge decides on the spot the verdict. some sentenced to eternal hard labor.. others executed on the spot. and even before the verdict... execution posts are already mounted up to tie the condemned to. before the execution. the person is blindfolded behind a cloth and stones stuffed into his mouth, so he cannot condemn the regime out loud. and the high commissioner says some bullshit about these traitors. and throws insults at them.. and then shoots them, as an example to the rest of the north koreans. it's just so damn disgusting and sad.
after you watch these documentaries. you feel so much. but then it's like.. what can you do? i dont know now. but i know i wont just throw this away. ive really been developing a great interest in asian studies.. it just so happens that the librarian who put this on.. i was talking to her and she said she had a friend who did an internship in NYC regarding this north korean thing.. i think presumably with some NGO... and she told me if i was interested, she definitely could give me some contacts for an internship in the summer. but i cant. i have to go back to sg with my own responsibilities to fulfil. i feel like anything i say will be hypocritical... because even though this documentary has touched me, made me feel like doing something..
but what? you know what i mean? i dont want to be one of those... people who make me so sick and full of some disgust and anger with their claims of.. whatever. it's not like ive been enlightened.. or become some self recognised saint.. i just wanted to share this issue with others. and so i shall just end this by not saying anything else.
one more thing. if anyone is interested... the website is www.seoultrain.com .. and if.. i dont know.. you guys are considering like.. might need something like this for a uni project or something.. i dont know.. seriously consider buying it and checking it out.
anyway the documentary was called Seoul Train. it was an hour long... but really was an eye opener to the whole N korea and China situation.. and very, very sad.
basically there are many north koreans who are trying to escape from the terrible oppression and hardship from the retard of a kim jong il regime which is just completely breaking down the country. there were snippets of north korea itself.. yes.. amazing.. from a secret video cam which someone used to take videos of life in north korea and it just looked so, so, backward and sad. kinda like how we're all living in 2007 and north korea is a century behind. the saddest thing were the children, who are said to be starving so badly that their growth now is 7-8 inches behind south korean children, even though they are all from the same gene pool. and there they are running all over the mud, finding for food.. even eating stuff off the ground.. with many scabs, scars all that.. all over their bodies.. it's just shocking that with the progression of the world and the problems us urbanized idiots face today.. i dont know. i guess it is unfair to compare.. but it really is a tragedy.
the main issue is that the chinese government.. is damn unfeeling. they do not recognise these north koreans who escape through the border separating the 2 countries as refugees, and hunt them down in china to get them sent back to north korea. and the problem with n korea being a stupidass totalitarian regime is that once these people leave, are seen as traitors, as having committed the biggest crime of betrayal to the regime. when they go back they're sent to political prison camps, tortured, forced into hard labour, or even executed immediately, and many of them die in the camps, regardless of age/gender.. whatever it is. so these people have created an underground movement in china to help these north koreans... many of whom try to get into china, and then return to south korea. but the chinese are just damn cold. and unfeeling. the thing is there're so many security checks to make it through.. for months some activists in this underground movement feed these north koreans to pass them off as south koreans.. teach them things.. observe the security.. the change of guards/policemen etc.. because they know that if they get caught. it's the end. they'll be deported and basically screwed after that.
i can understand why china would be unwilling in a way to accept these 'refugees', because it'd prob lead to an increased influx of more n koreans into their country which MIGHT create an economic strain... (but then again.. bullshit.. the country is seriously like how damn big).. but the fact is that they could let them enter, and exit, to s korea. or mongolia. which is where they wanna go. it's not as though the n koreans wanna stay in china where they're treated to so much suspicion etc the entire time.
these north koreans try to save themselves.. by dashing into embassies.. coz once they're behind the gates, on the grounds of the embassies.. they are safe. they will be recognized as refugees there, and saved. there was a particular family, just one in so many... they obeserved the change of guards etc at the embassies.. made plans how to chiong in when the gate opened.. but this mother, and the little girl... they couldnt make it through. their attempt was just killed off by the guards. you can imagine the activist watching from the window.. as the plan unfolds only to fail completely... a few of these attempts were caught on the Seoul Train dvd.. and it's just really really sad... coz these people know what's in for them when they're gonna be caught... and the activists themselves are in grave danger. some interviewed for the documentary all had to wear masks.
i watched some parts of the bonus features.. and there was an 11 minute video from these people who again secretly filmed in north korea.. they have these public executions where the officials make people come to watch... even teachers bringing some children... and the judge decides on the spot the verdict. some sentenced to eternal hard labor.. others executed on the spot. and even before the verdict... execution posts are already mounted up to tie the condemned to. before the execution. the person is blindfolded behind a cloth and stones stuffed into his mouth, so he cannot condemn the regime out loud. and the high commissioner says some bullshit about these traitors. and throws insults at them.. and then shoots them, as an example to the rest of the north koreans. it's just so damn disgusting and sad.
after you watch these documentaries. you feel so much. but then it's like.. what can you do? i dont know now. but i know i wont just throw this away. ive really been developing a great interest in asian studies.. it just so happens that the librarian who put this on.. i was talking to her and she said she had a friend who did an internship in NYC regarding this north korean thing.. i think presumably with some NGO... and she told me if i was interested, she definitely could give me some contacts for an internship in the summer. but i cant. i have to go back to sg with my own responsibilities to fulfil. i feel like anything i say will be hypocritical... because even though this documentary has touched me, made me feel like doing something..
but what? you know what i mean? i dont want to be one of those... people who make me so sick and full of some disgust and anger with their claims of.. whatever. it's not like ive been enlightened.. or become some self recognised saint.. i just wanted to share this issue with others. and so i shall just end this by not saying anything else.
one more thing. if anyone is interested... the website is www.seoultrain.com .. and if.. i dont know.. you guys are considering like.. might need something like this for a uni project or something.. i dont know.. seriously consider buying it and checking it out.
Monday, March 12, 2007
-
they believed that there was no more... left to repair
when really it never left and has always been there
i hate weekends. hate.
but theres one "thing" i hate much much more. hate. hate. hate.
when really it never left and has always been there
i hate weekends. hate.
but theres one "thing" i hate much much more. hate. hate. hate.
Sunday, March 11, 2007
10 000 villages
im in love with this shop called ten thousand villages. there's one here and.. o man. it's just got such.. nice stuff...
im thinking of doing a masters.. which hopefully i can.. in asian studies.. or something along those lines.. it's something that ive become really interested in since coming here.. we'll see.
i just went for the engineering opening house on campus.. it's such a bright sunny hot day.. spring really is here.. and i guess it's just great to get out. and wow. i think engineering is damn cool. like seriously. these people really know what they're doing and talking about. and they have so much passion in their exhibits. sometimes a part of me wishes i had followed the whole science path, coz i think it's really really great. sometimes to be honest, i feel like im not getting a 'real' education in that sense. but i know im being stupid. you cant compare the two. just that i really think engineering is wow. very cool.
im thinking of doing a masters.. which hopefully i can.. in asian studies.. or something along those lines.. it's something that ive become really interested in since coming here.. we'll see.
i just went for the engineering opening house on campus.. it's such a bright sunny hot day.. spring really is here.. and i guess it's just great to get out. and wow. i think engineering is damn cool. like seriously. these people really know what they're doing and talking about. and they have so much passion in their exhibits. sometimes a part of me wishes i had followed the whole science path, coz i think it's really really great. sometimes to be honest, i feel like im not getting a 'real' education in that sense. but i know im being stupid. you cant compare the two. just that i really think engineering is wow. very cool.
Tuesday, March 06, 2007
mr x
he said that you had to let it out in some ways
that you cant keep riding by, masked
that the only way was to share
it sure sounds like a brochure
but maybe from more than a passerby, they're more than some meaningless words
we'll see
shall check up more on becoming sam in the future
i was just reading a daily devotion book, which someone important gave to me before i left, 7-8 months ago, time flies. it really does. and how apt that the verse today says:
With many counselors, there is safety. Proverbs 11:14
just in line with my thoughts.
it speaks of a 'council of advisors' around you. friends and family who walk with the Lord. that they are the ones who will guide you and give you the best advice. i really am fortunate to have so many of them in my life. distance isnt even a consideration. met them at every single point. even in training. coincidence is highly debatable, but i trust.. it doesnt explain everything.
that you cant keep riding by, masked
that the only way was to share
it sure sounds like a brochure
but maybe from more than a passerby, they're more than some meaningless words
we'll see
shall check up more on becoming sam in the future
i was just reading a daily devotion book, which someone important gave to me before i left, 7-8 months ago, time flies. it really does. and how apt that the verse today says:
With many counselors, there is safety. Proverbs 11:14
just in line with my thoughts.
it speaks of a 'council of advisors' around you. friends and family who walk with the Lord. that they are the ones who will guide you and give you the best advice. i really am fortunate to have so many of them in my life. distance isnt even a consideration. met them at every single point. even in training. coincidence is highly debatable, but i trust.. it doesnt explain everything.
Monday, March 05, 2007
it's HK man
i just remembered something which i totally forgot to mention before.
the oscars were held that day and the extremely pissing departed won for i think it was best adaptation for screenplay or whatever it was... and the person announced it as being based on a freaking JAPANESE film?
seriously. oscars my ass man. all this hollywood big award stuff.. it's all bullshit. it's so damn stupid the amount of gossip which is generated everyday about all these over-rated human beings and what kinda crap fashion they wear to the oscars etc... they are a disgrace to art. and that mention in the oscars too. what kinda STUPID mistake IS that?! they should be slapping themselves.. but then again.. i doubt they would even give a shit. coz to them. japan = hongkong. big deal. the point is that the departed is good. and that's all. like.. u know.. that's all that matters. scorcese is such an amazing human being for putting so much sex and violence and vulgarities into the original "overly tamed" version.. yea. give it up for the man. he won a freaking oscar for goodness sake. woohoo.
my professor was talking about this that day during class.. and he said an injustice has been done to HK cinema. they've really taken huge strides forward but no one kinda gives them the acknowledgment that they deserve. and esp now with this just one stupid mistake.
btw has anyone watched Singapore shorts or Royston's shorts? if you have please let me know what you think of them thanks!
the oscars were held that day and the extremely pissing departed won for i think it was best adaptation for screenplay or whatever it was... and the person announced it as being based on a freaking JAPANESE film?
seriously. oscars my ass man. all this hollywood big award stuff.. it's all bullshit. it's so damn stupid the amount of gossip which is generated everyday about all these over-rated human beings and what kinda crap fashion they wear to the oscars etc... they are a disgrace to art. and that mention in the oscars too. what kinda STUPID mistake IS that?! they should be slapping themselves.. but then again.. i doubt they would even give a shit. coz to them. japan = hongkong. big deal. the point is that the departed is good. and that's all. like.. u know.. that's all that matters. scorcese is such an amazing human being for putting so much sex and violence and vulgarities into the original "overly tamed" version.. yea. give it up for the man. he won a freaking oscar for goodness sake. woohoo.
my professor was talking about this that day during class.. and he said an injustice has been done to HK cinema. they've really taken huge strides forward but no one kinda gives them the acknowledgment that they deserve. and esp now with this just one stupid mistake.
btw has anyone watched Singapore shorts or Royston's shorts? if you have please let me know what you think of them thanks!
Sunday, March 04, 2007
i love singapore
really. i do. i heard an interview online where royston tan described people's views of us as a disneyland with punishment (caning etc...), a cold and unfeeling place. but i think that's totally untrue. there's so much more to our country than there seems on the surface.
i think that's something ive learnt so far. when i come back. for real. i know im going to become a workaholic. i already was during ohseeass days. but i really need to try to find some balance in my life. which is going to be difficult.. but i do wanna get involved in many more things going on in sg.. like the arts scene.. the film scene.. check out plays... sg film fest.. etc.. i think singapore's just such a damn cool place with the great variety of culture. and people who dont think so can go migrate or something.
no. i am not being a good singaporean who listens to the gov. i have my own opinions on that. but i know i should not voice such opinions in a place like this now.
something someone said a while back pissed the shit out of me. actually ok not that bad. we were talking about lah and lor and singlish. and person said that person hates it. yet person still uses it. that infuriated me. coz person looks down on singaporeans. on our culture. im not saying we should lah and lor like crazy.. like if i go to a cafe here or something.. like eh.. i want a hot chocolate... huh? no la. no salt. only sugar lor. or something like that. as long as we know when to speak 'proper' english.. when to use it.. it's part of who we are man.. why should we deny our identity HAH?!?!?!!!
so. like that lor. hohoho.
this a dilemma that people face overseas. sometimes the locals find it difficult to understand us. i think brits understand much better than americans actually.. coz for example.. when we say wa-Ter.. or bet-Ter.. they're like HUH... americans are kinda like waaadderrrrrr... bedderrrrrrrr.. you know that kinda thing.. and i think it's coz we were a brit colony last time.. queen's english man.. different. hahaa but i mean i dont even know if im right.
so people here.. most tend to try to slang when speaking to americans.. or just talk very abnormally.. that annoys me.. coz it comes out sounding just so damn ridiculous.. and it's not who you are. just speak slower and clearer. i get you. they get you. a while ago i was with person. and i was speaking normally. american in picture answered me. person started slanging ridiculously. american went huh.
face it! you are NOT gonna speak like an american. coz u're not one!!! sure sometimes i have to speak slightly more slangyish like some words or they really dont get you.. but please! please please!!! ridiculous.
o yea. and those high up officials who are telling little scholar kids not to study international relations coz it's rubbish?
l-i-a-r-s.
anyway. check this out.
i think that's something ive learnt so far. when i come back. for real. i know im going to become a workaholic. i already was during ohseeass days. but i really need to try to find some balance in my life. which is going to be difficult.. but i do wanna get involved in many more things going on in sg.. like the arts scene.. the film scene.. check out plays... sg film fest.. etc.. i think singapore's just such a damn cool place with the great variety of culture. and people who dont think so can go migrate or something.
no. i am not being a good singaporean who listens to the gov. i have my own opinions on that. but i know i should not voice such opinions in a place like this now.
something someone said a while back pissed the shit out of me. actually ok not that bad. we were talking about lah and lor and singlish. and person said that person hates it. yet person still uses it. that infuriated me. coz person looks down on singaporeans. on our culture. im not saying we should lah and lor like crazy.. like if i go to a cafe here or something.. like eh.. i want a hot chocolate... huh? no la. no salt. only sugar lor. or something like that. as long as we know when to speak 'proper' english.. when to use it.. it's part of who we are man.. why should we deny our identity HAH?!?!?!!!
so. like that lor. hohoho.
this a dilemma that people face overseas. sometimes the locals find it difficult to understand us. i think brits understand much better than americans actually.. coz for example.. when we say wa-Ter.. or bet-Ter.. they're like HUH... americans are kinda like waaadderrrrrr... bedderrrrrrrr.. you know that kinda thing.. and i think it's coz we were a brit colony last time.. queen's english man.. different. hahaa but i mean i dont even know if im right.
so people here.. most tend to try to slang when speaking to americans.. or just talk very abnormally.. that annoys me.. coz it comes out sounding just so damn ridiculous.. and it's not who you are. just speak slower and clearer. i get you. they get you. a while ago i was with person. and i was speaking normally. american in picture answered me. person started slanging ridiculously. american went huh.
face it! you are NOT gonna speak like an american. coz u're not one!!! sure sometimes i have to speak slightly more slangyish like some words or they really dont get you.. but please! please please!!! ridiculous.
o yea. and those high up officials who are telling little scholar kids not to study international relations coz it's rubbish?
l-i-a-r-s.
anyway. check this out.
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